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Original poster

MIL & Covid

56 replies

Itsvalentino · 27/12/2022 13:55

I know there’s been a lot of MIL bashing threads over the festive season, so I’m not brave enough for AIBU, but I’d like opinions on this one.

MIL is absolutely obsessed with DP, he has to visit her once a week ALONE, I am not invited, she wants her alone mother and son time (her words) many other examples which I won’t get into, I largely ignore this and let them get on with it.

Last week FIL, SIL & BIL came down with covid, MIL insisted she still wanted to pop in and drop presents off to us, I said no, and my reason is that my Dad started chemo 2 weeks ago for an aggressive, advanced and very symptomatic cancer, he is quite poorly, with the cancer and also the chemo side effects. She ignored the no, and turned up on our doorstep. She wasn’t allowed in, DP kept 2 metres from her and I insisted the presents went into the garage for a few days.

Today is DP birthday, 2 days ago as predicted MIL tested positive for covid also, she has today vehemently insisted that she brings DP birthday card and gift, he told her no repeatedly but she is refusing to take no for an answer and is adamant she is coming!!

Now DP and I have argued because he cannot see what she is doing. Would it really hurt to wait a few days, he’s not 5!!

I am seeing my dad daily at the moment, mainly for his mental health, he is really struggling, and also this hopefully not might be his last Christmas, and I don’t want to have to quarantine from him or risk passing on covid.

Am I in the wrong here? How should I handle this?

OP posts:
Lexi868 · 27/12/2022 13:59

What a selfish MIL you have there! You are not being unreasonable at all. She's totally selfish and over the top with her son. Sounds overbearing and controlling

Mentaldays · 27/12/2022 14:00

Didn’t want to read and run, just to say I think you are totally right DP needs to be firm she can not come with gifts. Once she tests negative she is very welcome.
Covid is a very real threat to your dad you are right to protect him and to want to see him as much as possible.
Agree with DP that he will not open the door to his selfish mother. This is very poor behaviour ( and strange) on her part.

Lexi868 · 27/12/2022 14:02

What was she like during quarantine?

Adviceneeded200 · 27/12/2022 14:05

Get your DP to tell her to stay away. You have to protect your father.

We've just had COVID in tye house and it's sooooo transmissible still. Most people will get over it in a few days - we were negative at day 5 - but for someone with compromised immunity, they dont want to get it for many reasons - as well as making them more ill, there is the impact on potential treatment delays or them carrying it into hospital.

Some people just don't get it.

Original poster
Itsvalentino · 27/12/2022 14:07

Lexi868 · 27/12/2022 14:02

What was she like during quarantine?

Stick to it rigidly! Was a real stickler, had all the vaccinations, kept away.

I think that’s why I’m so pissed off, this is about her controlling DP and trying to rock the boat.

DP has now decided he’s going to go to hers to fetch his card, that way he can control the contact, she can leave the card in the porch 🙄 he’s just feeding into her behaviour!

OP posts:
SleepyRooster · 27/12/2022 14:09

I'm generally healthy, double jabbed, and have been absolutely floored by the current dose of covid I caught. It is not a mild illness

Original poster
Itsvalentino · 27/12/2022 14:09

I’m the baddie now guys.

DP understands my concerns and loves my dad, so wouldn’t intentionally cause him harm but he’s been conditioned since his parents divorce at age 3, his mom comes first.

OP posts:
Original poster
Itsvalentino · 27/12/2022 14:10

SleepyRooster · 27/12/2022 14:09

I'm generally healthy, double jabbed, and have been absolutely floored by the current dose of covid I caught. It is not a mild illness

I had covid last Christmas and New Year, funnily enough we caught it from MIL then!! And I was really quite poorly, taking my dad out of the equation I don’t want it again!!

OP posts:
tribpot · 27/12/2022 14:13

Is your DP likely to tell you he picked the card up from the porch but actually go inside the house if his mother insists?

Original poster
Itsvalentino · 27/12/2022 14:14

@tribpot he’s promised me he won’t go near. But I’ll never know will I

OP posts:
Original poster
Itsvalentino · 27/12/2022 14:15

I’m tempted to text her asking her to respect my wishes, but last time I tried to put boundaries in she stopped speaking to me for 8 weeks.

OP posts:
Enko · 27/12/2022 14:19

Itsvalentino · 27/12/2022 14:15

I’m tempted to text her asking her to respect my wishes, but last time I tried to put boundaries in she stopped speaking to me for 8 weeks.

Sounds like a plus to me of she sulks for 8 weeks.

Yanbu op and I think on aibu you would havde had a 100% not unreasonable.

Your dh is by going.

tribpot · 27/12/2022 14:20

Itsvalentino · 27/12/2022 14:14

@tribpot he’s promised me he won’t go near. But I’ll never know will I

Well, you will if he tests positive in a day or two. By which point it will be too late to protect your dad.

I'm not sure I really see the downside of MIL stopping speaking to you, but in any case I think for your dad's health you have to try. His health is infinitely more important than your MIL's feelings.

Lexi868 · 27/12/2022 14:21

Itsvalentino · 27/12/2022 14:07

Stick to it rigidly! Was a real stickler, had all the vaccinations, kept away.

I think that’s why I’m so pissed off, this is about her controlling DP and trying to rock the boat.

DP has now decided he’s going to go to hers to fetch his card, that way he can control the contact, she can leave the card in the porch 🙄 he’s just feeding into her behaviour!

Show quote history

So him going over to get a card for his birthday is worth him risking getting COVID and passing it to your father who is very unwell? That's just crazy in my eyes. He should put his foot down.

upfucked · 27/12/2022 14:22

Itsvalentino · 27/12/2022 14:07

Stick to it rigidly! Was a real stickler, had all the vaccinations, kept away.

I think that’s why I’m so pissed off, this is about her controlling DP and trying to rock the boat.

DP has now decided he’s going to go to hers to fetch his card, that way he can control the contact, she can leave the card in the porch 🙄 he’s just feeding into her behaviour!

Show quote history

I would tell him to go and stay for at least 2 weeks.

Myyearmytime · 27/12/2022 14:23

If he needs to see to mum

He go stay there ..

If his seeing mum more importantl than killing your dad . Then he moves out ....
End of

VerifiedBot2351 · 27/12/2022 14:25

DP needs to stand up to her and put his foot down. She is being incredibly selfish.

Hopeyoursproutsarealreadyon · 27/12/2022 14:25

Bet your mil is actually jealous of the attention your df is getting!

Lexi868 · 27/12/2022 14:27

upfucked · 27/12/2022 14:22

I would tell him to go and stay for at least 2 weeks.

Show quote history

Same! If he wants to indulge his mum then he can go stay with her.

The whole part with her only wanting one on one time with her son is quite possessive and odd. She should include you.

amylou8 · 27/12/2022 14:28

How selfish of your MIL. Your dad is vulnerable, and whilst you or he could still pick it up from anywhere, knowingly coming into contact with it would be completely irresponsible. If your DH wants to see mummy then he'll need to stay with mummy.

LeopardPrintHo · 27/12/2022 14:28

Itsvalentino · 27/12/2022 14:15

I’m tempted to text her asking her to respect my wishes, but last time I tried to put boundaries in she stopped speaking to me for 8 weeks.

That doesn't sound like it's a bad thing? I'd text her with a breezy "I'm sure you can see from our point of view that since you've tested positive for Covid and my dad is very poorly then it wouldn't be a good idea for me or DP to see you at the moment. DP is an adult who can wait a few days for his card, let us know when you are negative and we will pop over and see you, hope you are not too unwell"
Then tell your DP that if he respects you then he goes nowhere near the house.

Notsofestive1 · 27/12/2022 14:31

@Itsvalentino If your husband can’t back you up on something so important this would be a deal breaker for me personally. Your MIL is being completely selfish.

Original poster
Itsvalentino · 27/12/2022 14:34

Hopeyoursproutsarealreadyon · 27/12/2022 14:25

Bet your mil is actually jealous of the attention your df is getting!

100% nail on the head!!

OP posts:
monsteronahill · 27/12/2022 14:40

You definitely have a DP problem here - she's clearly batty and rude - he is pandering and willing to risk your fathers health over his mothers feelings. That's not okay in my book, I'd be telling him to stay there if he goes to get a card. There's no way she won't be doing some sort of drama to get him into the house going from what you've said already!

heldinadream · 27/12/2022 14:40

"DH, do you want to come back here with covid, pass it on to me, have me pass it on to my DF, DF dies sooner than he would have, and then I hate you for the rest of our lives?
If so, crack on. If not, please don't go. Or go and don't come back. Your shout."
Try saying that?

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