Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband refuses to get a job

74 replies

Belle425 · 22/12/2022 14:05

Our business collapsed after the pandemic. We are living off our savings at the moment.

We are really struggle financially and I have suggested that we both need to get a job. He agreed, tried for 2 months or so and then just stopped looking for any jobs because no success in previous applications. Maybe he feels deflated. I don't know.

So everyday, he is either watching his favourite Youtube at home or fixing his car at the garage. I am frustrated to see our bank account balance draining, and I am quite angry to see him doing nothing meaningful everyday. What's worse, whenever I question about why he is always on his youtube and not getting a job, he will just yell the F word at me, slam the door and leave the house. I don't know what is going on with him. We can't talk.

We don't have Christmas this year because of all the struggles. It is unfair to our children.

Should I divorce this man?

OP posts:
Wimpeyspread · 22/12/2022 14:07

Have you managed to get a job?

SunshineClouds1 · 22/12/2022 14:09

Do you have a job?

Dartmoorcheffy · 22/12/2022 14:09

I agree he needs to put more effort in, but what are you doing too?

user1471538283 · 22/12/2022 14:40

You both needs jobs as soon as possible. Any job is better than no job at the moment.

If he refuses to work at all you may have to leave him.

Original poster
Belle425 · 22/12/2022 14:40

I am looking for a job too

OP posts:
Haveahappyholiday · 22/12/2022 14:42

What did you both used to do for work?

When you say you don’t have Christmas this year, do you literally mean no presents at all for the children and no Christmas dinner?

Haveahappyholiday · 22/12/2022 14:43

Sorry, just saw you had your own business. What about other jobs or skills or experience you can draw on?

KangarooKenny · 22/12/2022 14:45

Take half of the current savings now.
Then think about how you want to move forward.

KangarooKenny · 22/12/2022 14:46

Could he be depressed ?
How much is he drinking ? How is your sex life ?

ShandaLear · 22/12/2022 14:47

Well, you both need to get a job, really. I’m not sure why he’s at more fault than you.

AllOfThemWitches · 22/12/2022 14:49

OP clearly says she's looking for a job and he's not... how are people struggling with this?

Original poster
Belle425 · 22/12/2022 14:50

Haveahappyholiday · 22/12/2022 14:43

Sorry, just saw you had your own business. What about other jobs or skills or experience you can draw on?

This is literally my biggest struggle. I don't know what I can do! I have been supporting my husband for so many years, you know, looking after bills, making payments, liaising with clients, things like that, nothing really particular. or skilful really.

I have prepared them presents, but Christmas dinner? Not yet. I just don't have the spirit to celebrate Christmas. There are so many things going on.

OP posts:
pinneddownbytabbies · 22/12/2022 14:50

ShandaLear · 22/12/2022 14:47

Well, you both need to get a job, really. I’m not sure why he’s at more fault than you.

The OP is trying to find work and is applying for jobs. He isn't.

Original poster
Belle425 · 22/12/2022 14:52

ShandaLear · 22/12/2022 14:47

Well, you both need to get a job, really. I’m not sure why he’s at more fault than you.

Because I am talking care of the kids and household works while looking for a job. And he is only enjoying his youtube and gets angry with me when I ask him why he is not looking for a job.

OP posts:
Sunshineandflipflops · 22/12/2022 14:53

He sounds like my son, but my son is 16.

jimmyjammy001 · 22/12/2022 14:53

There are literally thousands of jobs out there at the moment, I walked along my local High Street last week and literally every other shop was asking for staff to start immediately

Starlightstarbright1 · 22/12/2022 14:54

I fail to see how either of you have found nothing.. not even nmw..hosiptality, care, retail are all desperate for staff at this time of year.

Yippitydoodah · 22/12/2022 14:58

Well clearly neither of you are looking very hard, there’s plenty of jobs out there. What sort of things are you applying for OP?

Milkand2sugarsplease · 22/12/2022 15:16

We have 60+ vacancies across our site at the minute and that's just one employer. There are many jobs out there if you're willing to work.

Sign up to agencies too, they can get you experience for one thing but also a foot in the door which can lead to a job.

I suppose it depends on the jobs you're both applying for and not being successful with - if he's applying for jobs he's not qualified for or doesn't meet the criteria for, he needs to evaluate his thinking. If he's applying for jobs he is qualified for and not getting them, he needs to take feedback on board about why he's not got them.

sheepdogdelight · 22/12/2022 15:18

Not sure how long this has been the situation but sounds like months, not weeks.

So if OP has been looking and found nothing ... not even a Christmas temp job ... I suspect her level of looking may be not much higher than her husband's.
Retail and hospitality jobs are there for the taking.

WetBandits · 22/12/2022 15:21

There are jobs out there if you want them. I got a bar job to supplement my piss-poor nurse wage just by phoning a local bar and asking if they needed staff. I did my first shift the next night 🤷🏼‍♀️

You both sound a bit lazy.

OneForTheRoadThen · 22/12/2022 15:26

Have you tried supermarkets? Every one I've been in recently has vacancies for store staff and delivery drivers.

emptythelitterbox · 22/12/2022 15:28

What was your business?
I reckon you have skills from that.
What about driving for Uber or something like that?

AkoraEdelherb · 22/12/2022 15:31

There’s no excuse for him yelling obscenities at you. You both need to sit down and have a proper conversation, like the adults you both are.

Yes, he should also be looking for a job. Are there really absolutely no vacancies in your area that he could take on temporarily? Supermarkets, pubs, driving, cleaning - whatever there is to tie you over until better offers come?

If you’re both currently unemployed, why isn’t he doing 50% of household tasks and parenting?

KatherineJaneway · 22/12/2022 15:31

What type of job is he looking for? Is he truly matching his skills and experience with what he is applying for?