Dh another fit of rage

[fdkc]

So I've been with my dh 21 years, we have 3 dc aged from 18 to 4. Over the years he has been physically aggressive, never a full force punch in the face or anything but would throw things at me and one time picked up my handbag and hit me across the head with it a few times. This happens maybe once every 2 years when he goes into a blind fit of rage over something I have said that he doesn't agree with. Yesterday he was talking about Hollywood and all the pedophiles who live there and all the conspiracy theories and cover ups around it. Obviously I think this is terrible but I'm bored of hearing it, I'm sick of hearing about pedophiles and sexual predators. I was having a nice Sunday watching an Xmas movie with my 4 year old and he comes in starting this conversation. I told him I'm watching a movie and don't really want to hear about it. He went into a rage. He was sexually abused as a child, again this is something I am sick of hearing about and I'm sick of him using it as an excuse for his bad behaviour. I know that sounds terrible but he has never done a thing to help himself get over the trauma, never tried medication or therapy. I'm meant to be his therapist and I'm just sick of it, I can't take it anymore.

Anyway this fit of rage ended with him absolutely wearing the remote control he was holding off the side of my face, it's still sore and has a little lump there now. He pointed and screamed in my face that I'm a pedophile lover and a fat, ugly cunt. He then left the house, came back an hour later and started cooking dinner which he never does and probably felt a bit ashamed and knew he had gone to far. Sometimes I wish he would have beat me all the time at the start so maybe I would have had the motivation to leave but the fact that it only occurs about once every 2 years just lulls me back into a false sense of security and after a while I think it's been so long that maybe it won't ever happen again but it does.

I don't know what to do or where to turn too. Neither of us have any family that if we left the family home we could move in with. It just feels like I'm stuck and so much effort to leave the house. I'm already thinking it will all be OK cause it won't happen again now for another couple of years but yet I know it's so wrong what he's been doing to me for 21 years.

The biggest thing your children need is consistent calm and oeace in their home.

They are currently living in a home where they can't trust their parents - the terrible thing about abuse is that the children lose their trust in the adult victim of abuse as well as the abuser.

So it is really, really important for you to separate, and for the children not to have to go anywhere with the abuser or spend time with him.

If you can get the children to play therapy or art therapy I would highly recommend that.

If there is anywhere you can go to stay, I would go and stay there.
If your family can be persuaded to demand that your H leaves and goes elsewhere, that would be good too.

You need to tell your dad everything. You need to impress on him that this wasn't a once off and that you did nothing to cause it, that he only beats you and not anyone else - so he can control it but chooses not to. If you need backup to talk to your dad, find a male advocate. A Garda might be able to demonstrate the seriousness of the crime your H has been committing.

The situation where terrifying daddy stays under the same roof as the rest of the family and Christmas goes ahead as if nothing happened is potentially catastrophic for the children.