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Original poster

Do you think you and the oh are equally "attractive"

94 replies

34and3 · 18/12/2022 06:25

Just that really. You always here the expression of "he/she is punching" implying an unequal level of attractiveness. Or things like "they look mismatched". I reckon dh and I are both averagely attractive so "go". Am I waffling?!

OP posts:
PermanentTemporary · 12/06/2023 23:39

Dp and I don't match that well visually I think, we're very differently shaped and I sometimes wonder if we look a bit odd together, he's a slender angular silver fox and I'm none of those things. However, we are madly in love and that probably comes across at the moment. I'm also more confident in my body than him despite being objectively less attractive. God i love being older - we are both pretty comfortable with ourselves.

Neverinamonthofsundays · 13/06/2023 05:05

We have had people, well other blokes, come over to my other half and tell him he is punching but to be honest we also have people commenting on us as a couple anyway as in 'ah are you on about your third date' type thing and its like well no we are together forever and have three kids like but we must be all doe eyed when we are out - well actually I know we are. We are that middle aged couple in the corner snogging at a bar to be fair cos we just still are mad about one another. If I am honest I see no difference in attractiveness as to me he is the most gorgeous man on the planet but I guess love is blind lol

Oblomov23 · 13/06/2023 05:39

Yes. Most people are. We are both minorly unattractive. I scrub up well. Grin Dh's colleagues commented that he'd punched above his weight with me, but I think it's actually the other way round, or equal.

Slavica · 13/06/2023 05:46

I am completely average but am told I have a beautiful smile. My husband is tall, dark and handsome, even now in his fifties. He doesn't see it, though (all the women do). Our personalities are very well matched; his looks are a perk, the fact that he is the person he is is why I married him.

Lifeinamajorkey · 13/06/2023 06:55

summerfinn · 12/06/2023 19:19

Men that claim to be a feminist make me shudder 🤢 it's all wrong

Show quote history

I see it as a warning sign if a man calls himself a feminist as I’ve had three relationships with men who called themselves feminists and they were more sexist to me than any other men I’ve dated. Two of them, when I tried to talk to them about how they were treating me just dismissed me out of hand with, ‘ I’m a feminist so I can’t be behaving like that, so you are wrong.’

The men who actually regarded me like an equal human being just got on, probably subconsciously, with treating me as such.

SallyWD · 13/06/2023 10:19

Lifeinamajorkey · 13/06/2023 06:55

I see it as a warning sign if a man calls himself a feminist as I’ve had three relationships with men who called themselves feminists and they were more sexist to me than any other men I’ve dated. Two of them, when I tried to talk to them about how they were treating me just dismissed me out of hand with, ‘ I’m a feminist so I can’t be behaving like that, so you are wrong.’

The men who actually regarded me like an equal human being just got on, probably subconsciously, with treating me as such.

Show quote history

I've had this experience too. There's a certain type of man (who may or may not describe themselves as feminist) who seem to put women on a pedestal. They'll often talk about how much they respect women, might even talk about how women are superior to men. It's the fact they bang on about it a lot that is a red flag. It's a fixation for them. In my experience men like this are actually weirdly obsessed with women and are often very controlling or possessive. They are frequently disappointed by women not living up to their high (godess like) expectations.
My friend's just split up with a man like this. He's forever posting memes etc about how women are superior. He calls himself a "friend of women" yet he practically had a nervous breakdown when a male friend sent her a very innocent text.
In my experience men who truly see women as their equals do not need to worship them like this. They see women as human beings like themselves who just as imperfect abd fallible as men.

BlueSlate · 13/06/2023 13:15

SallyWD · 13/06/2023 10:19

I've had this experience too. There's a certain type of man (who may or may not describe themselves as feminist) who seem to put women on a pedestal. They'll often talk about how much they respect women, might even talk about how women are superior to men. It's the fact they bang on about it a lot that is a red flag. It's a fixation for them. In my experience men like this are actually weirdly obsessed with women and are often very controlling or possessive. They are frequently disappointed by women not living up to their high (godess like) expectations.
My friend's just split up with a man like this. He's forever posting memes etc about how women are superior. He calls himself a "friend of women" yet he practically had a nervous breakdown when a male friend sent her a very innocent text.
In my experience men who truly see women as their equals do not need to worship them like this. They see women as human beings like themselves who just as imperfect abd fallible as men.

Show quote history

This is all so very true.

3sthemagicnumber · 13/06/2023 15:02

We were about the same - average-ish. We look quite alike and have been mistaken for siblings (or even twins once!). He's ageing better than I am though.

PyongyangKipperbang · 13/06/2023 15:18

I am conventionally more attractive to the point where his colleagues asked how he managed it! as he said, be friends first, which we were for years so we didn't have that "getting to know you" bit, we already knew we shared values, sense of humour etc.

I have been with very handsome men and they have, to a man, all been utter cunts one way or another.

He has the most wonderful smile and eyes and his heart is the kindest I have ever known. Kinder than mine in many respects. And he is thoughtful and affectionate and doesn't take me for granted (did a bit at firstbut I soon squashedthat!). That will get my knickers wagging far more than a chisled jaw and perfect hair ever would!

DiscontinuedModelHusband · 13/06/2023 15:34

when we first got together, DW was much the more attractive of us (though i did ok).

i reckon i aged better through our late 20s and 30s (as men often seem to do), but now my knees are falling to bits, and i can't do any proper excercise, DW is pulling away again.

she would vehemently disagree with all the above though. but then she sees herself in a way that is totally different from how the rest of the world sees her (with the exception of her mother, of course)

it's stupid, because she's gorgeous!

WeekendInTheBoondocks · 13/06/2023 19:38

DH is gorgeous. Really gorgeous. Used to be a model. Body to die for. I just asked him what he thinks and he said he thinks I’m better looking but I think we’re equal.

His personality is incredible though, he’s such a wonderful man, I’d love to be his equal in that department but I’m a poor second for sure 😊

WickedSerious · 13/06/2023 22:04

I'm looking at our most recent passport photos and wondering which of us the neighbourhood kids are more likely to dress up as this Halloween.

islaw3048unfln · 06/08/2025 23:39

TheMurderousGoose · 12/06/2023 12:32

I find that most people are of a similar level of attractiveness to their partner. We tend to find our level! Rarely see a handsome guy with a plain woman. Quite often happens the other way round though.

I've seen really handsome men with very plain, homely women. Not hideous, and slim, but homely all the same.

BarilynBordeaux · 07/08/2025 12:58

ThisIsntDanicaBritannica · 12/06/2023 12:27

Both fugly here too! Yet strangely have produced 2 gorgeous children ( no, really!) and had a series of very attractive dogs.

‘A series of very attractive dogs’ I love this 😂

BarilynBordeaux · 07/08/2025 13:04

I generally think I’m pretty equal to DP in attractiveness but I saw a photo of the two of us together recently which made me realise I Am actually perimenopausal and deluded :( I’ve got fat and tired looking with a face dropping like a fucked trifle.

im trying to rationalise that two years of a progressive disease has fucked my looks and survival is what matters, but it’s hard to accept.

CurlyZoo · 07/08/2025 23:21

It's so funny how many similar stories here.

When I met DH I was a dazzler, and he was a bit of a nerd. Fell madly in love because he was so kind and funny. He was a penniless junior lawyer at the time too.

Fast forward a decade and he is now a judge, total silver fox, and fit / clever in an Indiana Jones way and he is still just as kind and funny. So hot!

I, on the other hand, am now chubby, menopausal, and almost constantly seem to be sweating or sprouting hair from some outrageous position on my face.

Thankfully he doesn't seem to notice any of this and still think I am the hot one. Love is certainly completely blind!

But we would have fallen in love whatever the other one looked like I think.

CurlyZoo · 07/08/2025 23:21

BarilynBordeaux · 07/08/2025 13:04

I generally think I’m pretty equal to DP in attractiveness but I saw a photo of the two of us together recently which made me realise I Am actually perimenopausal and deluded :( I’ve got fat and tired looking with a face dropping like a fucked trifle.

im trying to rationalise that two years of a progressive disease has fucked my looks and survival is what matters, but it’s hard to accept.

fucked trifle 😂I so identify with this!!!

aurynne · 08/08/2025 07:11

I am 49 and my DP is 46, I think we're a similar level of attractive, but in his eyes I am utterly stunning and he is lucky to have me. Long live his delusion!
I love that he is a bit younger and has a full head of thick hair. I tell him that, just because of that, he will be the envy of many men his age and younger. He tells me the reason he would be the envy of these men is that he has me.
How can I not love him madly!

islaw3048unfln · 09/08/2025 11:06

@aurynne that is lovely!!

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