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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband bought a card,To the one I love, but it wasn't for me.

59 replies

Oohchocolate · 15/12/2022 20:26

Long time lurker here, but just feeling a bit sick even tho I know this has been coming for years. I found a receipt on my kitchen floor from a card shop says " To the one I love, couple" The card I've received from my husband says "to my wife" and is fro a different shop. There is no one else at home just us.
So, what to do? I've been thinking for a long time of leaving him ( this wouldn't be the first time he's cheated) but I'm so scared of the unknown and all of the stress that comes with a divorce, I really don't know what the process is. I don't want to upset my family either and I know my mum will see a divorce as a failure as my parents were together literally a lifetime until my dad passed away earlier this year. So I'm going to wait Christmas out best I can then in the new year, I don't know...
Not sure why I've suddenly decided to post this, maybe seeing it in black and white confirms it is real.

OP posts:
Thecrackineverything · 15/12/2022 20:30

When you are on your deathbed and look back at this moment (as a crossroads/sliding doors moment) what will you want to have happened?

Original poster
Oohchocolate · 15/12/2022 20:37

Thecrackineverything, to be the moment I find my strength and be strong like I've brought my daughter's up to be.
Well I guess I have my answer thank you xx

OP posts:
hiveoftheskive · 15/12/2022 20:38

I was about to say maybe it has the same
Code as another card but then read he has history for cheating so he's probs at it again. Sorry. Time to leave x

havetochangethis · 15/12/2022 20:39

Clutching at straws here, but did he buy one card and then change his mind and buy another? My DP often buys a couple of cards and then decides which one he likes best.

onefedupmum · 15/12/2022 20:40

Is there anything else that points to an affair?

panko · 15/12/2022 20:40

Leave asap

Thecrackineverything · 15/12/2022 20:41

Oohchocolate · 15/12/2022 20:37

Thecrackineverything, to be the moment I find my strength and be strong like I've brought my daughter's up to be.
Well I guess I have my answer thank you xx

Line up the ducks and get the hell out of Dodge.💪

GenderNormans · 15/12/2022 20:42

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ at the request of the OP.

BurbageBrook · 15/12/2022 20:43

If this was my husband I’d think it was innocuous e.g. he could have bought one card and lost it so had to buy another (it’s happened to me before!) but I think your gut is telling you something here because he clearly has form.

prisscalledwanda · 15/12/2022 20:43

Are you really sure 'to the one I love' isn't just how the card shop categorises it on the receipt? So there will be multiple husband/ wife/ significant other cards all showing up with the same item description?

Adultchildofelderlyparents · 15/12/2022 20:43

havetochangethis · 15/12/2022 20:39

Clutching at straws here, but did he buy one card and then change his mind and buy another? My DP often buys a couple of cards and then decides which one he likes best.

I was going to suggest this too. I bought cards for my parents this year for example. The first was the best of a poor selection in the shop and I was desperate. Then found another I liked in another shop. Could it be that?
You say he has a history though. Is there any other evidence?

Ineedtosleep79 · 15/12/2022 20:45

prisscalledwanda · 15/12/2022 20:43

Are you really sure 'to the one I love' isn't just how the card shop categorises it on the receipt? So there will be multiple husband/ wife/ significant other cards all showing up with the same item description?

Fair point? Or did she say hers was from a different shop..

CherrySocks · 15/12/2022 20:53

It amazes me that people tell other people to leave their marriages immediately on the strength of a receipt on the floor which for all we know stuck to someone's shoe.

Thingsdogetbetter · 15/12/2022 20:57

CherrySocks · 15/12/2022 20:53

It amazes me that people tell other people to leave their marriages immediately on the strength of a receipt on the floor which for all we know stuck to someone's shoe.

You mean on top of the fact she's been thinking about leaving for a long time and he's already cheated???

figmaofmyimagination · 15/12/2022 20:59

I don’t think the receipt is a reliable indicator of a specific card tbh.

But your husband is a serial cheat. I’m sorry your Mum will be disappointed, but she should be disappointed in him, not you.

You deserve to be loved.

fallfallfall · 15/12/2022 21:00

it's wouldn't mean anything in my house because we pick up random litter, i'm forever picking up receipts out of the truck, out of the buggies before i put in my groceries, stuff that's blown into my yard after garbage day.
i would suspect a back story, one that has you doubting him.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 15/12/2022 21:05

I don't want to upset my family either and I know my mum will see a divorce as a failure as my parents were together literally a lifetime until my dad passed away earlier this year

OP - this, as some people have pointed out, might just be that he bought one card then changed his mind and bought another one. But if it is what you fear then bear in mind it's not your parents' marriage, it's yours. How your mother sees a divorce is her issue, not yours.

Colourinsidethelines · 15/12/2022 21:07

My DH often buys a card, hides it somewhere, loses it then buys another. I found a valentines card in between some cook books in June or something daft like that and that was why. So could always be that. But if you are not happy and he has form for cheating it’s time to start thinking about leaving.

Octo5 · 15/12/2022 21:13

If you want to leave, then absolutely leave.

But I probably wouldn’t base it on this one receipt when it may have another explanation.

Forgetting about the receipt for a minute, why are you unhappy?

mummysquasher · 15/12/2022 21:17

It is a shame you can't find the card itself. 5 years ago I found the card EXH had bought for OW. It read "Girlfriend you sparkle, you shine, I'm so glad you're mine"... There were lots of other clues but this has stayed with me.

Are there any other "evidence"?

Mom2K · 15/12/2022 21:18

Surely the issue of the card is irrelevant? He has cheated in the past and you are already unhappy in the marriage with regular thoughts of leaving. You don't have to stay. What your mother or daughters or friends think doesn't matter. It's not a great marriage. Doesn't even sound like a good one and you don't (rightfully so given the history) trust him. You can't carry on like this. Be kind to yourself and do what is right for you. Forget the expectations of anyone else. It is your life, not theirs.

Silvers11 · 15/12/2022 21:20

As others have said, the receipt ( on its own) means very little. I bought my husband 3 different cards this year from 3 different shops because in the first 2 shops they were the best of a bad bunch. OH often buys more than one because at the time he can't make up his mind. Items are often not properly described on a receipt, other people's receipts can get mixed up with yours in the shop

However, that really isn't the issue here as I see it. He has form for cheating and you don't trust him, hence the first thing you think about on finding the receipt is that he is cheating again. Which of course he might be - but he might not. You say you have been thinking of leaving him for a long time which means you haven't been happy for a long time either. Life is too short. What other people think about getting a divorce is totally irrelevant. You need to do what is right for you. If you're only staying with him because you are frightened of being on your own then you are not doing EITHER of you any favours

Aquamarine1029 · 15/12/2022 21:24

I'm so scared of the unknown and all of the stress that comes with a divorce, I really don't know what the process is. I don't want to upset my family either and I know my mum will see a divorce as a failure as my parents were together literally a lifetime

Nothing is as stressful as living a lie in an unhappy marriage, and who gives a fuck what your mother thinks. She doesn't have to live your life, does she? Staying in an happy marriage is the failure. It's simply a waste of your entire life.

JenniferAllisonPhillipaSue · 15/12/2022 21:25

Not that I'm excusing him but I've got a bag of spare cards for husband, son, grandparents, uncle - not because I lose them but because I buy them so early in the festive season that I forget I've got them already and promptly buy more 😁

Aftersevens · 15/12/2022 21:26

There are a few explanations that I can think of for getting two cards. Along with losing the first, or preferring the second, ‘the one I love’ one, he could have picked up thinking it was a birthday card and then realised inside it was a valentines card……..or similar.
But I think the real issue here is that you’ve been thinking of leaving him for a long time. You don’t need an excuse to leave if that’s what you want. But I wouldn’t necessarily leave based on just this one thing.

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