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Original poster

Divorce and dog

95 replies

Lunamom · 13/12/2022 22:12

I left my abusive husband 5 months ago. We lived on a farm , i worked from Home.
Since Then, i moved to rented flat, unemployed (worked for him) 2 teenagers with me.
We had a 1 year Old labrador. As i was The one ruining the Family, i brought the dog. We all love her. Good as Gold.
She is not coping. Today she bit my daughter, in unprovoked play, she bled. (English is not my language)
I wont keep her. I did not want her in flat. But could not say no to kids. But this changes everything.
Kids hate me. I found a place for her. A farm . People work from Home. They Hunt (she love that)
Im sure this is the life for her. Not a flat.
But kids hate me.
Tell me please they Will cope. I broke the Family and now i take their dog 😖

OP posts:
YellowTreeHouse · 14/12/2022 21:00

A dog home alone in a flat in a city with no space to run isn’t healthy or fair to the dog.

And that’s without factoring in the fact that this dog is a dangerous one that’s bitten a child.

By keeping the dog you would not have its best interests at heart, which in and of itself tells you the dog needs to go.

You also need to grow a backbone with your own children.

Mom2K · 14/12/2022 21:04

I had a golden doodle that someone had given me as a puppy and I was told she would be midsized... it turns out she was not midsized but very large by the time she was one year old. She was the best dog ever, very well trained but I did not have the space for her in my home or car or anything and I made the difficult decision to rehome her. My kids didn't want to (they were younger than your kids) but I explained to them why our dog would be happier (i rehomed her to a family thst lived on a farm and already had another dog). I understand that your situation would be harder on the kids since you are going through a divorce but any conversation that you have with them should focus on all the benefits that will come for the dog in it's new environment (not on things such as walking etc that they can then try and persuade you they can do more of if you keep her).

Do you think you could get the kids a different pet, one that is suited to flat life? When we rehomed our dog, I did then get a small dog for our family which helped ease the sadness of letting our goldendoodle go. I'm not saying get another dog (maybe a bunny or something?) But that may help the kids to let go a little better.

You are doing the best you can given the circumstances and you have nothing to feel guilty about.

AdamRyan · 14/12/2022 21:12

Could you see if the friends ex will "foster" her temporarily until you get back on your feet? The children could still see her occasionally maybe, or at least get updates and it won't feel so permanent. And maybe you can try to find somewhere to live longer term that's more dog friendly

altmember · 14/12/2022 21:37

I'd give the kids 1 month to live up to their word and exercise the dog. Give them a chance and then if they don't do it it's their fault rather than yours. Not convinced that the dog only bit because it's not getting enough exercise though.

If you do rehome it give your ex first refusal. That way the kids will still see it when the go to their dad's.

Original poster
Lunamom · 17/12/2022 21:50

She is going to a Family farm tomorrow. Daughter hate me. I ruined her life with divorce and now i take her much loved dog..
i feel SO bad 😞 she is so angry and hatefull.
Crap!! She lost so much already in divorce. I feel so guilty and dont know how to help her...

OP posts:
Original poster
Lunamom · 17/12/2022 22:47

Anybody? Please say it Will be better soon..

OP posts:
GeneticallyModifiedGrump · 18/12/2022 08:10

You are the adult, the decision has been made and to be honest it is the right one for the dog. An energetic lab is not the best breed for a city flat as you well know.
Would it be possible to rescue an older, much smaller dog once the dust settles, it may give the kids something to look forward to? Only mention it to your children if it is something you intend to go through with though, they need to feel confident that you follow through on your decisions.

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 18/12/2022 08:23

Agree see if they will agree to foster long term and offer to have the dog back (if practical) when they are away for holidays. It is only a few years and then the teens might be off to uni/ their own rented flats. They won't be walking the dog then and much harder to rehome a middle aged dog who has been under stress for years.

Original poster
Lunamom · 18/12/2022 08:26

No more dogs. We Will have her for holidays/visit her when in the area, But no more dogs for me.
Kids still sleeping, im dreading today

OP posts:
Newusernameaug · 18/12/2022 08:31

Lunamom · 14/12/2022 11:58

Thanks i Will.
And let me just say - she bit as part of play, she was not aggressive at all, just "worked up" and she is absolutely not dangerous.

Why are you getting rid of her then??!!!!??

Poor thing, I’ve had dogs for years and this does occasionally happen, after all she’s only 1 year old!

Newusernameaug · 18/12/2022 08:32

Sorry but under the circumstances I think you’re totally wrong to get rid of the dog

Original poster
Lunamom · 18/12/2022 08:52

I am "getting rid of her", as you put it, because she is a really Big dog, need lots of exercise and we live in a flat in a city.
She is never of her leash.
The biting, i Think, is a sign she is not having her needs met.

OP posts:
GoAgainstNicki · 18/12/2022 09:05

Goodgrief82 · 14/12/2022 11:12

I’m in a flat, ground floor, the thought of a dog in the flat above me? No thanks and thankfully forbidden in lease

What the hell are you even talking about? What does that have to do with the OP?

Martialisthebestpup · 18/12/2022 09:07

OP, if your kids don’t understand why the divorce happened or are blaming you for it, you don’t have to never say a bad word against your ex. Don’t give any details, and don’t use insults, (eg. ´Your bastard dad was an abusive arsehole), but you can tell them why you left. He was sometimes not nice to you/could be cruel to you, tried to hurt you, and you weren’t going to put up with being treated like that anymore. Don’t give details they don’t already know, but you don’t have to pretend ´mummy and daddy don’t live each other anymore so we’re going to live separately’.

Original poster
Lunamom · 18/12/2022 09:07

Kids are up.. i know it is the right thing to do for my dog - But the heartache of seing my kids so upset.. and myself. Im crying too, now..

OP posts:
Original poster
Lunamom · 18/12/2022 09:11

They absolutely blame me for it. It was my choice. And i did tell Them - dad was not Nice to me. But they lost so much. (This is why i stayed for 2 years more Then i would, if i did not have children.)
They changed schools, moved away from friends, and now this.
I know it is the right thing for dog. She is never exercised enough. She hate being Home alone.
But it break my Hart..

OP posts:
thewayround · 18/12/2022 09:16

Lunamom · 18/12/2022 09:11

They absolutely blame me for it. It was my choice. And i did tell Them - dad was not Nice to me. But they lost so much. (This is why i stayed for 2 years more Then i would, if i did not have children.)
They changed schools, moved away from friends, and now this.
I know it is the right thing for dog. She is never exercised enough. She hate being Home alone.
But it break my Hart..

Why did you have to move away and make them change schools?

They are teens though OP. So I would hope that on at least some

thewayround · 18/12/2022 09:18

i do think that toning drama your response today would be a positive ie the crying and it’s breaking your heart.

take your teens out for nice lunch, be open and honest with them re that you are sad and feel desperately for them, but it was the right thing to do.

Martialisthebestpup · 18/12/2022 09:19

Do they see their dad at all or is he refusing/not interested/ too abusive to be allowed to see them?
Because if it’s a straightforward case of him treating you badly but not being considered a danger to his children then presumably their dad still lives on the farm and they see him some sometimes -perhaps at half terms considering the distance and his job?
Your circumstances will improve when things settle down. You will have a job and money from the divorce. You will likely be able to run a car if you want to. They will make friends at their new schools.

Original poster
Lunamom · 18/12/2022 09:22

We had to sell the farm, as he could not afford it alone. Then he moved far away. 2 hours.
I could not afford to stay in area, so i moved to adult sons area. Which is 2 hours from dad. They see him sometimes, maby two times a month, for a few hours. He was a shit dad, not evil, just indifferent . But now they Think he is the best, ever, and i ruined everything.

OP posts:
thewayround · 18/12/2022 09:26

Lunamom · 18/12/2022 09:22

We had to sell the farm, as he could not afford it alone. Then he moved far away. 2 hours.
I could not afford to stay in area, so i moved to adult sons area. Which is 2 hours from dad. They see him sometimes, maby two times a month, for a few hours. He was a shit dad, not evil, just indifferent . But now they Think he is the best, ever, and i ruined everything.

So where you moved was 2 hours from dad (fair enough) and too far for them to stay at their school or with their friends.

Ok Op, they have had a rough ride. The dog is probably the straw the broke the camel’s back for them. Every decision now needs them to be at the forefront so learn from them and think very carefully about big decisions going forward

Original poster
Lunamom · 18/12/2022 09:28

No. Dad moved 2 hours away from farm. Then we moved. We now also live 2 hours away from dad, and farm.

OP posts:
thewayround · 18/12/2022 09:32

yes so he moved 2 hours away from the school and friends

and you moved far away from their school and friends

correct?

Original poster
Lunamom · 18/12/2022 09:37

Yes

OP posts:
Original poster
Lunamom · 18/12/2022 09:38

To stay closer do their adult brother.

OP posts:
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