DB and his wife had a relationship emergency a fortnight ago as she was having an affair. In the process of him telling me all about this latest affair, it came out she and my stbxh has essentially an emotional affair. It may not have been full on but it was something more than just friends that I had picked up on and stbx lied and gaslit me about it the whole time, over a year, despite seeing how upset I was getting at knowing something wasn’t right. I just knew from his changes in behaviour and their constant eye contacts when we’d meet up that something was going on. She at least is honest when found out and did say they didn’t progress to physical. That’s irrelevant, she did with this latest affair.
Having it confirmed two weeks ago allowed me to see it wasn’t in my head and to make the necessary changes to my relationship. We are now separating. I’m devastated and my kids are devastated but I cannot trust him. He lies to me constantly and I cannot live with that. That’s not what a loving relationship is.
The problem is my DB has decided yet again to forgive his wife (this latest ‘thing’ isn’t her first affair) and I have to see her all over Christmas because he insists they appear as a proper family and show everyone how strong they are. I’m expected to sit with them as the newly single sister at my parents for Christmas dinner and play happy families when all I want to do is rip her throat out for effectively destroying two families. My brother begs me not to tell our parents about what his wife has been up to , which means I’m meant to stay quiet about what my stbxh has been up to. Im meant to lie to them all and hide my hurt and dislike of this woman’s involvement in my relationship breaking up. Yes I know she wasn’t in a relationship with me and she didn’t afaik force my stbxh to lie about their relationship but she is family and there ought to have been a boundary that
she and my stbxh should never have crossed.
I need my parents for support as this is all so recent and I know that if they found out the truth they wouldn’t have her there but then my brother and his kids won’t go to my parents either and it would destroy even more relationships and he needs the normality of them to get him through and their kids enjoy playing with mine and why should they suffer
too… but why should I have that reminder at every family event for the rest of my life?
Having no one to turn to, I post anonymously here because my life has been ripped apart and I see my brothers life having been ripped apart and somehow it all links to the one person who gets away with it every time.
I don’t really know what to do. How do I survive my first Xmas alone with my sil/OW sitting there gloating and pretending nothing’s wrong?