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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Overreacting or trust my gut?

77 replies

biscuiteater94 · 11/12/2022 20:53

Hi everyone.

In a predicament and would appreciate impartial second opinions please!

Been with bf for 6 months, both mid twenties, I’m his first gf.

Things have been said/happened that niggle at me but I can’t tell if it’s just me being insecure/overthinking?

Looks are very important to him. He’ll frequently comment on women he finds attractive (actresses, exes, women he knows), size of their boobs, that kind of thing. Before meeting my family he asked me if I was the most attractive woman in my family and if my mum was a MILF (as a joke…) He did lots of OLD before we met and (before anyone says why are you looking, I think a man’s social media presence can be very insightful about their character) and I found that he has kept them on his social media (which is fine) but he exclusively likes revealing photos of them, rather than standard cute dog or coffee photos if you catch my drift. He also said that he wishes I would post more photos of me looking nice on SM because “I don’t look nice in my photos” (I never share selfies, if I do, it’s because I’m doing something as a joke where I definitely don’t look like a model, I hate taking myself seriously on SM). He’s got lots of female friends (which again is totally fine and I have liked in previous partners) but these relationships are very flirty. Finally, I’m fairly attractive, which he compliments me on a lot which is lovely, but sometimes he’ll talk about my appearance so much (you’d like good with this hairstyle or that dress etc) that I don’t feel that he ‘gets’ me on a deeper level. It also makes me worry about what will happen if we have children and as I age etc.

My gut is saying that he is immature and unaware but not a bad guy, but at the same time to get out as this will erode my self-esteem over time. What do you think? AIBU?

OP posts:
Always4Brenner · 11/12/2022 20:54

Get rid this will get worse he’ll start making more and more comments.

Blowyourowntrumpet · 11/12/2022 20:58

Honestly, I'd run as far and as fast as possible.

Supernormative · 11/12/2022 20:59

He sounds creepy. Run.

GreenLeavesRustling · 11/12/2022 21:00

Eugh. Run for the hills.

Freddiesextrateeth · 11/12/2022 21:00

R. U. N

forlornlorna1 · 11/12/2022 21:00

Every single time any of my daughters bf has called me a milf they've been dumped. So disrespectful

Aquamarine1029 · 11/12/2022 21:01

If I could grab you and shake some sense into I would. FFS, get rid of this absolute fuckwit of a man. He's pathetic.

Batcountry8 · 11/12/2022 21:02

He sounds about 14.

Come on op you're worth way more!!

X

SheldonsShoulder · 11/12/2022 21:04

Trust your instincts. Dump him. He’s poison.

Lindy2 · 11/12/2022 21:04

I would find that so unattractive in a man.

Honestly, it's so shallow. How tiresome it must be to prioritise looks above having fun. I have a friend who is a bit like this and he has simply lurched from relationship to relationships for the last 30 years rather than being content and having anything other than a visual relationship based upon looks and clothes.

I really think you could do better and be happier with someone who has more to offer than comments on yours and other people's looks

minticecreamisjustok · 11/12/2022 21:05

Don't waste your youth and settle with him, he's a creep, I bet all the likes you see, is just scratching the surface, he is most likely at least messaging them too.

Longlongtime · 11/12/2022 21:08

Why hasn’t he had any other relationships? Especially as he has so many girl friends and contacts on social media. Anyway he sounds awful.

Windtunnel · 11/12/2022 21:09

I guess you could have a chat with him to see whether he cares about your political opinions, world outlook, favourite movies, just to test the water.
Tbh he sounds so shallow he'd run a mile anyway.

Jobabob · 11/12/2022 21:09

He thinks you're an object. He's using you to flatter his fragile ego. He is not a pleasant person.

Ask yourself how you let this happen. I don't mean that you are in any way to blame for his behaviour - you're not. But think back to early signs so that you can spot them sooner next time and have the confidence to act on your own instincts. I wish I'd been more savvy, because these sort of arseholes really grind you down. All the best OP - there are good men out there - amongst the frogs. Don't settle, you sound very smart.

Igglepiggleslittletoe · 11/12/2022 21:16

He is absolutely ridiculous and you need to run as far away as possible from him. Absolute creep and a total immature child.

Sandia1 · 11/12/2022 21:17

He sounds so shallow. I wouldn't risk growing old with him and having him point out my fading looks.

biscuiteater94 · 11/12/2022 21:19

Thank you everyone. As I was typing out the post I was thinking “what on earth am I doing in this?!” It’s tricky because of course everyone has good points too, but I’m going to go with my gut and break things off after Christmas. Thank you for knocking some sense into me!

OP posts:
Shelby2010 · 11/12/2022 21:20

Just get rid.

This is him at his best. You deserve better.

MingeofDeath · 11/12/2022 21:23

He wants arm candy. Get rid

Shelby2010 · 11/12/2022 21:23

Don’t wait until after Christmas.

Send back the expensive, thoughtful presents you’ve bought him. I bet all he’s got for you is a cheap box of chocolates & a cheaper set of ‘fancy’ underwear so you can dress up for him.

Ladybug14 · 11/12/2022 21:23

AFTER Christmas?

Run now.

I'm amazed that you have to ask. He is revolting

Aquamarine1029 · 11/12/2022 21:25

Do NOT wait until after Christmas. That's just foolish.

Mostmarriedcouple · 11/12/2022 21:27

He sounds like an absolute plonker. Dump with urgency

CatchHimDerry · 11/12/2022 21:28

Bin 🗑️

Been there, this won’t end well and the longer you leave it the harder it will get to do

You can do this OP, show yourself the respect you deserve by not putting up with this

DatingDinosaur · 11/12/2022 21:29

Always best to go with your gut but you could say “Steve, I thought you’d have outgrown all that teenage wank-fodder by now” See what he says?

The way he reacts will tell you everything you need to know.