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Original poster

My DP.was propositioned by a man and didn't tell me

63 replies

ThatEdgyFeeling · 10/12/2022 07:02

An odd one. My DP is 51, ex army, now in another very macho male field. Muscly, stocky, very much a bloke. Despite his old fashioned slightly right wing views, he has always been gay positive. Which I loved as men of his background often are not.( his friends etc)

However, I now am beginning to wonder if it may be that, on the gay spectrum, he may be more bi curious than I thought.

We have an incredibly adventurous sex life. In the two years together we have got into mild BDSM and he also has a nylon fetish. We started off with him being the dom and now switch around 50%, where I am the domme and he has really embraced anal play. He didn't know much about bdsm before we met.

However, I think this is making him curious about gay sex. He is away with work and I had dinner with a friend. Somehow it came up that when they had been at men's group dinner in a hotel while back, another guest had come up a few times to talk to him and, at the end of the night suggested he joined him in his room. My DP breezily waved him off,with a 'Not for me, thanks'. My male friend said it was cool and relaxed.

However, I am now wondering how many straight men get propositioned. That was a pretty confident attempt. Was this man's gaydar up?

It has unsettled me.

OP posts:
Beanbagtrap · 10/12/2022 07:06

I'd say it's the nylon thing that should be ringing alarm bells. What a horrible fabric!

Chattycathydoll · 10/12/2022 07:09

A man propositioned him, and he turned it down in what sounds like a polite and respectful way. Surely, regardless of any of the other fluff that is the ideal outcome? What could be possibly have done when propositioned that would make you happy?

As you’ve said, he’s an open minded and non-homophobic guy from a background where that’s not the norm. Possibly the guy heard that and made the assumption, just like you have, that it means he is also not straight.

Original poster
ThatEdgyFeeling · 10/12/2022 07:10

Beanbagtrap · 10/12/2022 07:06

I'd say it's the nylon thing that should be ringing alarm bells. What a horrible fabric!

Hahahaha. He likes stockings etc. Tbh, none of his previous partners dressed up for him and when I did, it kind of started us on this journey.

All very confusing

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 10/12/2022 07:12

My DH was propositioned by a man from work who is known for trying to ‘turn’ straight married men.

Original poster
ThatEdgyFeeling · 10/12/2022 07:14

Chattycathydoll · 10/12/2022 07:09

A man propositioned him, and he turned it down in what sounds like a polite and respectful way. Surely, regardless of any of the other fluff that is the ideal outcome? What could be possibly have done when propositioned that would make you happy?

As you’ve said, he’s an open minded and non-homophobic guy from a background where that’s not the norm. Possibly the guy heard that and made the assumption, just like you have, that it means he is also not straight.

You are right of course but, he was with a friend of mine, and in a group. So unlikly to say yes. Apparently, this guy made a beeline for him. My mate was telling me as he found it funny as DP is so macho.

OP posts:
Numbat2022 · 10/12/2022 07:17

I don't understand what you're worried about. He was propositioned, he said no. And?

It's a very elaborate story about nothing at all.

Simonjt · 10/12/2022 07:19

My DP is 51, ex army, now in another very macho male field. Muscly, stocky, very much a bloke.

All men are very much blokes.

Saying someones gay because someone essentially asked them out, is no different to saying someones a cheater for being asked out.

Original poster
ThatEdgyFeeling · 10/12/2022 07:21

OK. It looks like i may be over thinking. Thank you for replying, I didn't want to speak to anyone in RL.

OP posts:
MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 10/12/2022 07:23

My husband is frequently hit on by gay men, one of his friends is gay and known for trying to turn straight men.

Its pretty funny really as DH is nowhere near gay, just a good dancer 🤣🤣

Thisisworsethananticpated · 10/12/2022 07:24

Isn’t sexuality a spectrum
so opening the door to other things has opened his eyes

and at our age is when we are learning more as we don’t give so many shits

he told you and that’s the most important thing surely ?

What are you really worried about ?

converseandjeans · 10/12/2022 07:25

My DP is 51, ex army, now in another very macho male field. Muscly, stocky, very much a bloke.

I don't think that looking that way means he's not gay. However he is with you so I doubt he is.

Original poster
ThatEdgyFeeling · 10/12/2022 07:32

Thisisworsethananticpated · 10/12/2022 07:24

Isn’t sexuality a spectrum
so opening the door to other things has opened his eyes

and at our age is when we are learning more as we don’t give so many shits

he told you and that’s the most important thing surely ?

What are you really worried about ?

He didn't tell me, that

OP posts:
Original poster
ThatEdgyFeeling · 10/12/2022 07:35

Sorry, accidentlaly pressed to soon. I am just unsettled. I feel there is something nebulous that I can't get my head around. He is also away with work. Has barely been here for 2 months. Daft but I feel teary.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThatEdgyFeeling · 10/12/2022 07:41

And thank you for not being judgemental about the rest, i didn't want to drip feed.

OP posts:
Solidarityisbetterthanchsrity · 10/12/2022 07:42

i think your gut is telling you something and that's why you're teary

Luxurysleuth007 · 10/12/2022 07:43

I’d say for any ‘straight’ male into BDSM with a nylon fetish it wouldn’t be too much of a stretch to assume bi tendencies. He might be ex army muscly macho but often that bravado and front masks lots of facets to one’s character… if you catch my drift.

YoSofi · 10/12/2022 07:45

I understand what you’re saying OP, it was a confident “come on” so you’re concerned your DH may have given off vibes that he’d be open to it.

I’ve had men come on to me like that before, when I was out in a group just enjoying my night and definitely not giving off “up for it” vibes! Some men are extremely confident, or arrogant and I imagine that is true for gay and straight men.

Someone tried their luck, your DH brushed them off. I don’t think you need to worry x

Alexandernevermind · 10/12/2022 07:46

I think most men have been approached by other men, haven't they?

Original poster
ThatEdgyFeeling · 10/12/2022 07:48

Luxurysleuth007 · 10/12/2022 07:43

I’d say for any ‘straight’ male into BDSM with a nylon fetish it wouldn’t be too much of a stretch to assume bi tendencies. He might be ex army muscly macho but often that bravado and front masks lots of facets to one’s character… if you catch my drift.

That is my thought. And in his previous marriage and LTR it was all suppressed. We are also older, as another PP said and are confident enough to try new things, fewer fucks to give etc.

Just worried about controlling the journey of this sexual expression.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThatEdgyFeeling · 10/12/2022 07:49

YoSofi · 10/12/2022 07:45

I understand what you’re saying OP, it was a confident “come on” so you’re concerned your DH may have given off vibes that he’d be open to it.

I’ve had men come on to me like that before, when I was out in a group just enjoying my night and definitely not giving off “up for it” vibes! Some men are extremely confident, or arrogant and I imagine that is true for gay and straight men.

Someone tried their luck, your DH brushed them off. I don’t think you need to worry x

That was kind, thank you

OP posts:
Dashel · 10/12/2022 07:51

I was next to my DH but we had both been talking to other people and I realised that he was being hit on by a man long before he did.

He only realised when the guy showed him photos of what was on offer, but he was very polite about turning him down and tbh confused about whether showing photos was the done thing now.

I don’t think being hit on by a bloke or being ok with it is a sign of sexuality.

It sounds like you have an active sex life, so personally I don’t think I would be too worried even if he did have any bi tendencies doesn’t mean he wants to act on them but talk to him.

Bluerisotto · 10/12/2022 07:53

Ok, let's assume it's your worst case scenario....perhaps he has bi tendencies. He hasn't told you (maybe he didn't know until you started opening things up). He was propositioned and turned the guy down respectfully.

He is happy with you and loyal to you.

He is more than happy with his sex life with you from the sound of it.

So...What is it that's upsetting you?

Original poster
ThatEdgyFeeling · 10/12/2022 07:58

I will talk to him. He is back from his course next week. We do have an active sex life. The role play is just a small part. It is just so new, really. Two amateurs maybe getting in too deep.

OP posts:
amylou8 · 10/12/2022 08:12

It wouldn't matter to be if my partner was bi as long as he was faithful. The guy hit on him, he rejected same as if had been a woman. You sound compatible and like you have a great time. IF he is bi it clearly doesn't affect your relationship. Personally I wouldn't give it too much thought.

Oopsiedaisyy · 10/12/2022 08:35

I wonder if you are feeling like i did with a previous partner... I went from very vanilla to down the rabbit hole with bdsm, hot wive etc etc and while i enjoyed it there was always a niggle about where would it end... Would things keep getting wilder and wilder until we ended up in a basement with me in a gimp suit, him being pegged and a entire rugby team.

That didn't happen, but i suppose i was thinking what would be enough, the end point of exploration. I'd talk to him about that.