Partner watching porn?

[DaisyDooxox]

My partner and I don’t live together yet. We were talking yesterday and he mentioned that he watches porn - I can’t remember how the subject came up!

He was very open and honest about it and I understand that he has his needs when I am not there. But there is a tiny part of me that doesn’t know how to feel about it?!

I am interested to see other people’s opinions. Thanks!

@UglyNameChange I have infact not Shamed any one who doesn't enjoy porn. I haven't even stated if I do or do enjoy watching porn myself.

My point exactly is that people should be able to have their own sexual preferences and not be shamed for them because of people's own decisions on porn.
Its a simple "no that wouldn't work for me because xyz"
Instead you choose to argue that anyone who understands their partners want to watch porn is in no unsubtle terms an idiot because you know better?

@Bubblebo I completely understand your reasoning for not watching porn or having it in your sexual relationships. Haven't stated differently at all, but I do feel as though you are making the op question her partner's moral compass entirely when it doesn't have to be so far fetched. By all means if he's watching underage/revenge/violent porn and is trying to manipulate her into a sex life she isn't comfortable with then obviously massive problem. Stating the facts is fantastic and I encourage you to continue but if people have heard the facts and continue to wish to use porn legally then I feel that's when you should happily move on from your point.

I would never and have never condoned underage or revenge porn as I'm sure everyone on this thread who does watch porn would agree.

As stated before laws are changing positively for women and people in porn, I'm not blinded in the fact that obviously some of these sites haven't taken enough care and have been exploitive. But again new verifications and laws being brought in to protect is great and the way forward for porn makers and users.

Personally I am open for everyone to explore sex in which ever way they choose as long as it's safe consensual and legal, but to answer the op's question, if you feel like you aren't comfortable with him watching porn then that is absolutely fine and you aren't obliged to be comfortable because he wants you too, or because others are. Feelings are feelings and they are yours and a whole thread of women being ok with watching porn with their partners/or themselves won't change how you feel.

It’s more him masturbating to other women. Women that have bodies that I don’t have.

Women that won’t and don’t have sex with him either. You are clearly his main interest. I wouldn’t read too much into it. I read erotic books, they don’t replace DH it’s a bit of a sexy extra fantasy.

I have no problem with porn ( I watch it) but if in a relationship it becomes a reason to avoid sex with your partner then there are issues that need to be addressed.

Porn is not necessarily about women with perfect bodies or men either. Sometimes it is about what the actors are doing. Also not all women in porn have perfect bodies.

I think as long as he does not neglect you or refuse your advances in favour of porn you are ok.

Doesn’t bother me in the slightest & tbh, it’s not my business if DP wants to watch it.

Even if he wasn't watching porn, when having a wank he is unlikely to be fantasising about you and your body. Fantasy has a purpose, one that in healthy people has nothing to do with reality.

@Alcemeg It'd be nice if OP was the one the thought of whom got him off the most. The only purpose of sexual fantasy is to get you to the destination (or to enjoy the 'journey' I guess.)

Stating the facts is fantastic and I encourage you to continue but if people have heard the facts and continue to wish to use porn legally then I feel that's when you should happily move on from your point.

@augmum There are things that are morally or spiritually wrong even if they're not legally wrong.

I suppose that would be nice, and certainly very polite of him, but I dare say pretty unlikely! You'd have to be pretty dull to fantasise about the person you're with all the time, when there are no limits to the imagination 😁

@OldFan yes I totally agree but unfortunately morals or spirituality are bases of own opinions not facts, that it is legal and depending on the porn he watches, safe and enjoyable.
The ops concern should be with her self and her feelings about it not her partners ethics

Our sex life is great when we’re together, and he makes it clear that he is very turned on by me and is very complimentary. I do not feel that he replaces me for the porn.

You clearly haven't read enough Mumsnet on the subject - I'm afraid this is impossible and never happens. You must be hallucinating.

Views on this are so polarised. There are many on here for whom it's a deal breaker. Fair enough - people can set their own boundaries. It seems some people think that all female porn stars are trafficked women who are being raped. I simply don't believe this! I think some women find it hard to believe that a grown woman can willingly consent to being in porn films. Well, I think they can.
For me personally, as long as porn use is occasional and doesn't affect your sex life it's OK. I also wouldn't want some man trying to act out scenes from porn! I see it as pretty normal. Most men and many women watch it.

amiold · 09/12/2022 19:14
Does everyone not watch porn?

I wouldn't be offended OP. Modern world and all “

No, they don’t. Do you mean “modern” as in “modern slavery”?

Zombie thread 🧟‍♀️🧟‍♀️🧟‍♀️

@MrsSkylerWhite no I meant modern as in women can do what they want these days and a lot are making a bloody fortune. Get yourself on TikTok. Women are liberated and raking it in. Not everything has to be negative.
Some people don't like porn.. fair enough. Some people see it as normal .. fair enough
Some people see it as job.. fair enough.

My ex had problems he would actively stay awake late at night so he could do it or set his alarm before I get up and he would always go on flop for me it made me feel as though he was cheating but he wasn’t he admitted he had an addiction but wouldn’t try to stop I tried to stay awake longer get up the same time tried to be spontaneous and stuff and nothing worked till eventually I cut off all sex and shut down emotionally and was going to leave him he then said he would change he managed 2days without then straight back at it then it was 4 days but he would always say “ are you proud of me” and I’d reply “yes” our sex life improved and things went well for a few weeks but I found myself in that state of mind where he had lied to me that many times and I couldn’t stop my mind spiralling if he took longer than 10 mins in the bathroom or if I had to run errands it was very mixed emotions for me (ps most men I’ve dated or gone out with struggled with porn addiction)
now for myself yes I occasionally wank but it doesn’t affect my current partner and we both do it occasionally when one is tired or not in the mood I don’t think porn is cheating but if your watching it more than your partner and your hiding it and lying when confronted and actively get turns off by your partner then I would say it’s a form of disloyalty overall I’m mixed with porn and partners I think it works for some but not for all couples I’d say just be open and honest and talk and if you can’t then you shouldn’t be together 🤷🏼‍♀️