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Original poster

Husband is planning on going on stag do to Eastern European city..

65 replies

Treely912 · 07/12/2022 17:12

So I found out a while ago that my husband went to a lap dancing club twice on two separate stag dos and had private lap dances both times which i wasn’t happy about. He’s now told me he has another stag do in an Eastern European city and I can’t help but worry. He’s told me he wouldn’t have a private dance. Help!? What would you do?

OP posts:
Iamclearlyamug · 07/12/2022 17:25

I wouldn't allow a public dance let alone a private one! I couldn't be with someone who thought women were something they could buy 🤦‍♀️

I don't really know what you can do if you really don't like it, other than give him an ultimatum - though you'd have to be prepared to follow through if he went anyway.

It would have been over for me when he had the private dances last time

Choccolatte · 07/12/2022 17:27

Urghh how vile. I would have to leave DH if he did this. It would show such a lack of respect to women it would mean he wasn't the man I thought he was. Poor you OP.

VisaGeezer · 07/12/2022 17:33

Why wouldn't he if he'd done it before.

How would you ever know for sure?

EE lap dancing clubs are often brothels by the way.

Marineboy67 · 07/12/2022 17:39

Best thing to do is change the locks whilst he's away sowing his oats. Also consult a solicitor and get all your ducks in a row. Turn this on its head, if it were you going on a European hen night having large penises waved in your face by oiled up muscle boys how would your husband feel? If this was your sisters husband disappearing off to Holland for lap dances and private dancers what would your advice to her be?

Madmax1992 · 07/12/2022 17:49

How grim, If he couldn't help himself the other 2 times and went as far as a private dance I can't see him really not doing it this time...x

Hintofreality · 07/12/2022 17:51

What would I do? Book myself a weekend away as well.

5128gap · 07/12/2022 18:14

Well I dare say he will if he feels like it, lie about it, and you'll be none the wiser.
He clearly doesn't have any concerns about this type of 'entertainment' and probably thinks your objections are just insecurity (and they'll be some on here soon to agree with him!) and that because he 'knows' you've nothing to worry about, crack on, and what you don't know won't hurt you.
You really have no choice but to accept that odds are he'll do as he pleases. So, do you want to stay with him or is it a deal breaker?

minticecreamisjustok · 07/12/2022 18:25

Yuk tell him not to bother coming back! and book a weekend away with your friends.

Relocatiorelocation · 07/12/2022 18:28

Either accept that he'll have the dance or leave him. Not much else to do really.

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/12/2022 18:33

Lap dances are cheating to me, the payment doesn't remove that.

If it's cheating to you, break up. If it's not, it's up to you.

Nyedilemma · 07/12/2022 18:35

WWID? I'd decide if this is acceptable to me or not and take appropriate action.

There's no earthly point in trying to ban him; you can't control him, if he's a man who's going to do these things he's going to do them. All you can do is decide what you will do about it.

OldFan · 07/12/2022 18:38

There's no earthly point in trying to ban him; you can't control him, if he's a man who's going to do these things he's going to do them

Even if it were in theory his cup of tea, you'dve thought a decent guy would abstain if he knew his wife wasn't happy with it.

IDidntKnowItWasAParty · 07/12/2022 18:39

For me this would be an absolute dealbreaker - but he would have known that from day 1. You need to decide how YOU feel about it. I would definitely end the relationship if he did this.

Magssss · 07/12/2022 18:41

When you say you found out…did he tell you or did someone else? I’m sorry he treats you and other women in this way. I’d feel so destroyed if my husband did this. I’d explain to him the trust issues that this is causing and discuss his friendships with him. Sounds like this is the norm for him and his friends and if he cares about you then he should get completely different friends. I can’t believe he thinks this is okay when he’s married.

Rosie22xx · 07/12/2022 18:42

He shouldn't go. Also if he's done these things whilst you are together. I personally would leave my husband. That's totally disgusting him lusting and being turned on by another/multiple women and to pay for a woman to dance on/for him. This is shocking (in my books).

Twinklenoseblows · 07/12/2022 18:49

Most the guys at work I know that go to lap dancing clubs also cheat on their wives at conferences and on nights out.

MoonbeamsGlittering · 07/12/2022 18:50

I'm a man and I went on a stag do to Budapest many years ago. I went because I wanted to be with my friends, but I left the strip club very early because it was grim.

Maybe remind him of those stories of waking up in a bathtub of ice with a kidney missing, or being charged hundreds for a drink that came from a secret menu.

girlmom21 · 07/12/2022 18:51

Tell him you don't trust him and this is a dealbreaker for you as it's the exact situation that destroyed the trust.

Thisonetoday · 07/12/2022 19:29

Are you willing to end your marriage over it? If not, then he either doesn’t go because he knows it upsets you or he goes and you have to live with it. It would upset me a lot, however I guess at least he’s told you. There are plenty of men who go to lap dancing clubs and their wives are none the wiser.

Aussiegirl123456 · 07/12/2022 19:33

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/12/2022 18:33

Lap dances are cheating to me, the payment doesn't remove that.

If it's cheating to you, break up. If it's not, it's up to you.

Agree. And in fact, for me, the payment actually adds a whole new level of disgust.

Bye Felicia

RandomPerson42 · 07/12/2022 19:35

Get him to watch Hostel.

If he cared about you he wouldn’t be going imho.

Albgo · 07/12/2022 19:44

Lap dances / private dances in Eastern Europe are different to mainstream UK lap dancing clubs. The customers are allowed to touch as a general rule in Eastern Europe.

From my experience men who go on stags to places like this aren't going for the culture. They're going for cheap drinks, strippers and prostitution.

thistimelastweek · 07/12/2022 19:45

Your husband hangs out with sleaze bags.

What are the chances that he's the only sleaze bag in the group?

HappydaysArehere · 07/12/2022 19:52

I would say that the whole idea makes you sick and you are not prepared to spend the time he is away very upset just because he wants to indulge himself. If he cared about you he would cancel the trip.

CarefreeMe · 07/12/2022 19:55

It doesn’t matter whether lap dances are a deal breaker for anyone else but you need to be very clear that it is for you and that if it happens the relationship will be over.

You’ll then have to trust him to do the right thing and if it comes out that he has done it then you need to follow through with your thread and leave him.