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Original poster

Husband is planning on going on stag do to Eastern European city..

65 replies

Treely912 · 07/12/2022 17:12

So I found out a while ago that my husband went to a lap dancing club twice on two separate stag dos and had private lap dances both times which i wasn’t happy about. He’s now told me he has another stag do in an Eastern European city and I can’t help but worry. He’s told me he wouldn’t have a private dance. Help!? What would you do?

OP posts:
CarefreeMe · 07/12/2022 19:58

If he cared about you he wouldn’t be going imho.

I completely disagree and this is something a controlling man would say.

He knows what is acceptable and what isn’t.

If he chooses to cross your line then the relationship is over.

Pallisers · 07/12/2022 20:04

I'd presume that in addition to the private "dance" and grim strip club, he was having sex with some poor woman in a brothel and ask for an STD test when he returns. then I'd leave him.

But when this topic comes up on MN a surprising (to me) number of women are fine with it - apparently paying for someone to grind their genitals in your face is fine but if Brenda from Accounts did it for free it would be adultery and LTB.

waterSpider · 07/12/2022 20:07

Since you've basically accepted him doing this twice before, he's probably wondering what's changed this time.

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/12/2022 20:08

Agree. And in fact, for me, the payment actually adds a whole new level of disgust.

True @Aussiegirl123456 particularly in EE where chances are the poor woman could have been trafficked.

Envy
Aikko · 07/12/2022 23:38

Your husband is basically a sleeze bag that has sex probably had sex with foreign prostitutes.

Bookworm20 · 08/12/2022 11:40

Awww, nothing says I love you and respect you more than by going out on the piss all weekend and purchasing a woman to gyrate naked all over you, does it?

If my DP even stepped foot in a strip club, let alone had a private dance he would immediately and without hesitation be an ex DP.

Why men think that because its a stag do, it gives them a free pass to cheat on their partner, is beyond me. I mean why the fuck would you want to marry someone (or stay married to someone) who actively wants and chooses to cause pain and upset to the person they are supposed to love?
And to do so by actually buying women is just beyond grim. I would lose all respect for a man who did that. I certainly could not be in a relationship with one.

MrsKeats · 08/12/2022 11:43

I think I live in a parallel universe.
Obviously I'm old but how can anyone think this is ok in any form?
Grim. An affair would be preferable as it least there's an element of choice there.

hotandspicy · 08/12/2022 11:51

Not all groups of men race to the nearest strip bars the minute they go away in a group you know.

Ive been on two eastern european stags and on both times over half of the groups (between 16 and 22) on the two trips) wasnt bothered in the slightest about lap dances and strippers, they were more interested in finding decent bars and trying the beers etc, the ones that did seek the strippers were the single lads not in relationships.

In my entire life ive only seen a stripper bar once when I was 21, it was done 'on my behalf' to take me there as a young lad, did absolutely nothing for me, paying someone £20 to shake some boobs at you.. absolutely pointless. no thanks.

if your fella says he wont be bothered about strip bars, theres no reason not to believe him, i think this is being made to be a relationship breaker and hes not even actually done anything..

girlmom21 · 08/12/2022 13:12

Not all groups of men race to the nearest strip bars the minute they go away in a group you know.

Except the OP's DP and his friends clearly do

Aikko · 08/12/2022 14:23

hotandspicy · Today 11:51
Not all groups of men race to the nearest strip bars the minute they go away in a group you know.

OP says....

Treely912 · Yesterday 17:12
So I found out a while ago that my husband went to a lap dancing club twice on two separate stag dos and had private lap dances both times which i wasn’t happy about.

???

hotandspicy · 08/12/2022 14:31

girlmom21 · 08/12/2022 13:12

Not all groups of men race to the nearest strip bars the minute they go away in a group you know.

Except the OP's DP and his friends clearly do

yeah after i posted i spotted that..

if hes got form for it and the easy access of seeing them whilst hes away is open to him the chances are he probably will be going to them.

if he opts for a private viewing is another conversation entirely. :(

girlmom21 · 08/12/2022 14:37

How did you not spot it when it's literally the whole OP @hotandspicy Grin

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/12/2022 14:40

girlmom21 · 08/12/2022 14:37

How did you not spot it when it's literally the whole OP @hotandspicy Grin

Because it's more important to gaslight women into believing that stags aren't often gross. And that the many many women working in sex work in many countries are all just standing around bored because men don't actually ever go.

Women are just that stupid.

hotandspicy · 08/12/2022 16:54

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/12/2022 14:40

Because it's more important to gaslight women into believing that stags aren't often gross. And that the many many women working in sex work in many countries are all just standing around bored because men don't actually ever go.

Women are just that stupid.

Show quote history

calm yourself down pratchett.

I've been on stags, I've been 'the stag' and on none of the weekends away to Europe (including Eastern Europe a few times) not once did myself or the guys I went with part with money to watch women shake their bits for us. Some might enjoy that but is that any different to when women go to those Chipendales and paw all over the guys doing the dances, they go out of control too but of course I'm sure you would blame the male stripper for that wouldn't you :/

hotandspicy · 08/12/2022 16:56

girlmom21 · 08/12/2022 14:37

How did you not spot it when it's literally the whole OP @hotandspicy Grin

id literally skim read it as my fella is going away with the lads and im afraid he might go to strip bars.

it was only after id posted did i read he has actually got form for it so the OP was justified in her concerns.

Saying that, if he's got form and does it regardless I beg to ask the question why stay with him. If that's a no for her then its time to cut him loose and find a guy that is happy not spending his money on strippers.

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/12/2022 16:59

calm yourself down pratchett.

Telling women to calm down has a long history of eliciting a great response...

And the rest of your post is nonsense which I can't be arsed to address. Playing chess with pigeons and all that.

ArcticSkewer · 08/12/2022 17:05

Yuck. Would imagine he also has sex with sex workers while out there, so make sure he is sti tested on his return.

hotandspicy · 08/12/2022 17:14

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/12/2022 16:59

calm yourself down pratchett.

Telling women to calm down has a long history of eliciting a great response...

And the rest of your post is nonsense which I can't be arsed to address. Playing chess with pigeons and all that.

Please correct yourself, I told you to calm down not 'women' persay.

Your twisted views that all men must be the same, all cheat and use prostitutes clearly stems from having some kind of crap experience at some point in time with a guy therefore you are now painting everyone with the same brush.

There are many decent men out there that dont choose to be cheats or abusive.

I Agree for this OP, the guy shes with clearly has form and is likely to repeat his behaviour.

girlmom21 · 08/12/2022 17:30

@hotandspicy are you a gay man?

I'm just asking because you mentioned that women shaking their boobs in your face didn't do anything for you and have also mentioned your partner.

It's also worth considering that the men who do behave like this tend to befriend men who behave similarly. It's easier then to all cover for each other.

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/12/2022 17:41

Your twisted views that all men must be the same, all cheat and use prostitutes clearly stems from having some kind of crap experience at some point in time with a guy

Clearly you are wrong. My husband's a proper diamond. And many men are. I find that actually women with higher standards tend to have nice male friends and partners because we know they exist and the other kind are worth swerving.

I do however have eyes and have travelled everywhere from Thailand to Amsterdam. Stags are not to be found as much in the Rijksmuseum as they are in the red light district. The sex trade does a roaring trade and it's not the Chippendales doing most of the bank.

Oh and it's 'per se'.

JamSandle · 08/12/2022 17:41

I couldn't accept this. To me it is so disrespectful.

Albgo · 08/12/2022 19:22

@hotandspicy please don't patronise women by telling them to calm down. Jeez

Aussiegirl123456 · 08/12/2022 21:28

Did a man actually come on here and respond with the usual bullshit answer before actually even reading the post. And then once corrected, told a female poster to calm down?!! I just can’t! 😂

hotandspicy · 08/12/2022 21:47

girlmom21 · 08/12/2022 17:30

@hotandspicy are you a gay man?

I'm just asking because you mentioned that women shaking their boobs in your face didn't do anything for you and have also mentioned your partner.

It's also worth considering that the men who do behave like this tend to befriend men who behave similarly. It's easier then to all cover for each other.

no im not gay lol. it was meant as in why would you pay to have them shoved in your face and thats it, you cant go home and sleep with them, have any kind of connection other than a financial one, mental...

you can all that much better in a relationship, personally need to have a mental attraction and connection with a partner before other stuff progresses into physical.

men paying for lap dancers bemuses me as much as why women enjoying naked hunky men gyrate their dangly bits around on hen partys.. I was under the impression women dont generally find a penis all that attractive

decayingmatter · 08/12/2022 21:56

Aussiegirl123456 · 08/12/2022 21:28

Did a man actually come on here and respond with the usual bullshit answer before actually even reading the post. And then once corrected, told a female poster to calm down?!! I just can’t! 😂

It's like satire isn't it! The other posters are running rings around him with logic and it's still all flying over his silly little head

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