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Original poster

Why is it better to be married, financially?

79 replies

SussexRoyal · 07/12/2022 15:58

A genuine question having read countless posts suggesting it is better to be married for financial reasons - out of interest, why?

My partner and I are very much in love, have 1 DC and another due next year, own a house together, have never had any arguments over financial matters and everything is split very fairly. However, we are not married. This mainly came from me as I’m not that bothered by marriage. What are the reasons (other than love) that we should get married?

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 07/12/2022 17:08

Do you still work? Do you earn a similar amount? Both pay towards mortgage and house owned jointly? It’s possible to not be married and have financial security if you make your own money but it’s difficult if you don’t and you break up.

Also for inheritance tax reasons - none to pay between husband and wife

lightand · 07/12/2022 17:15

Things change in life.

Chasingsquirrels · 07/12/2022 17:16

Whilst you are happily together it matters not one jot.

When IT DOES matter:

  • if you separate (and no one thinks it is going to happen to them, but it does).
  • when one of you die, for inheritance tax and potential pension and bereavement benefit purposes (and while you might both be fit and healthy death comes to us all eventually, and to some sooner rather than later)
Lcb123 · 07/12/2022 17:18

It doesn’t matter so much whilst you are married and alive. As others said it gives you benefits/protection if you split / when you die. More important (in my opinion) if you have a large income disparity and /
or one of you is a stay at home parent

Gogohenry · 07/12/2022 17:20

If you split up you won’t be entitled to anything financially which sounds ok, unless you have given up work to raise children, earn less or have a smaller pension. If you are married the starting point could be 50:50.

Also better protection if one of you dies.

Sprogonthetyne · 07/12/2022 17:21

Because 9 times out of 10, the woman will end up making more financial sacrifices while raising children. It could be by your career not progressing as your part time, not paying as much into a pension if you work less or take time out, house/savings being put in his name as he's the only/higher earner or many other little thing that don't matter while your together but will screw you over if you ever split.

When a married couple split the starting point is 50/50, with the potential to get more to reflect having sacrificed earning potential for good of family. When an unmarried couple split each keeps whatever is in their own name, which usually ends up with the man having more and the women left struggling.

LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 07/12/2022 17:23

What @Chasingsquirrels said 100%.

Gogohenry · 07/12/2022 17:25

Also IMO men are less likely to get married/propose once you already have DC.

Hensintheskirting · 07/12/2022 17:30

If you're not bothered about marriage OP, just have a civil partnership. My DH and I did this, we didn't want to get married, we don't want to ever split up - but if either of us were to die, the other would pay inheritance tax if we weren't either married or civilly partnered. That's the main reason for us - death. It's not very cheery but it is very practical.

You only need 2 witnesses - we did it with absolute minimal fuss. Literally us and 2 witnesses and it was all done in 20 minutes.

JustLyra · 07/12/2022 17:30

While you’re happy together it makes no difference.

When the shit hits the fan it can make a massive difference.

Wetnovember · 07/12/2022 17:30

It’s only better to be married if you are the partner who gives up work/sacrifices your career….usually due to childcare. If you are the higher earner or the partner with significantly more assets (which is often the man because they tend not to give up work), then it’s better not to be married. I have an unmarried female friend who has recently split from her cheating partner (2 DC). She outearns him at least 4 fold and the house was bought in her name and with her deposit. Right now she’d be financially screwed if they’d been married.

Numbat2022 · 07/12/2022 17:31

Do you have wills? If not, get them done asap. You do not want the hassle of dealing with that mess while also grieving.

Otherwise, if you earn the same or more, your name is on the property, you don't go part time (now or with subsequent children) and you have equal access to and knowledge of all money matters, you don't need to get married. It will make life easier if you split or one of you dies, but it's not the be all and end all.

But if you will be losing out financially by becoming a mother, it makes sense to protect yourself by getting married. It's not a guarantee, men can and do fudge the system and get out of their responsibilities, but if you plan for the worst happening you'll be safer.

Chasingsquirrels · 07/12/2022 17:31

And I'm a case-study in these reasons.

H1: decided he no longer wanted to be in our relationship after 16 years, married just under 10. We had a 5yo and just 2yo. I was part time.
I didn't buy a home together, get married or have children expecting this.
Protected by marriage in dividing up the assets

DH2: died 9m after we got married. I did actually marry him knowing he was dying, but we'd already decided to marry and set the date before he got ill a few days later.
Protected by marriage for IHT (no tax on spousal inheritance), entitled to bereavement benefits.

Numbat2022 · 07/12/2022 17:33

Oh and inheritance tax. Not an issue if you're young/don't own much equity/assets (threshold is £325k), but could creep up on you in later life if your house goes up in value or you inherit.

isthewashingdryyet · 07/12/2022 17:34

It also gives you rights to determine health care, so if your husband is critically ill on ITU, you get to decide if he lives or dies. If he is your partner then his parents, or his adult children get to decide.

NoelNoNoel · 07/12/2022 17:34

Because when men get to about 48 they have a funny habit of running off with 23 year old Helena from HR and they run off with their often much bigger pensions.

Bananalanacake · 07/12/2022 17:35

My dh is self employed, he saves thousands in tax by being married, this is Germany though, might be different in the UK.

pinneddownbytabbies · 07/12/2022 17:48

JustLyra · 07/12/2022 17:30

While you’re happy together it makes no difference.

When the shit hits the fan it can make a massive difference.

This sums it up in a nutshell.

PorpoiseWithPurpose · 07/12/2022 17:50

Marriage = insurance policy.

Bet you have one for everything else.

Bedazzled22 · 07/12/2022 17:56

The biggest issue with not being married is if you have children, and you are the stay at home parent and you are stuffed if you break up!

JustLyra · 07/12/2022 18:02

Whilst bereavement support is slashed compared to what widowed parents allowance used to be £3500 in a lump sum and £350 a month (non means tested) can make a difference at an expensive time.

Also inheritance can be a massive one because of how many people, especially younger people, don’t have wills. Even before you get onto IHT just the automatic right to inherit can be a massive importance.

Fleur405 · 07/12/2022 18:04

We are not married and are both happy with that. We have one child and my OH is currently supporting me through maternity leave but I plan to go back full time. I have a good salary and earn almost the same as he does (about 95%), have my own pension and earn more than enough to have my own savings and to support myself and my DD if I needed to. If we were to get married and divorced I only think I’d be entitled to child maintenance. At the moment I don’t think we have an IHT problem but that would be my main reason for wanting to get married. Not very romantic!

GrimDamnFanjo · 07/12/2022 18:05

Real life examples:
Friend whose partner died very suddenly. Two children. The inheritance tax was punitive.
Friend whose partner left her and their four children. She's now financially fucked and will never own another house. A graduate who stepped of a financially rewarding career to help build his.

Friend who was married with a grown up child no longer in the home ended up with a house of her own and 40% of his pension when he retires.

None of the above ever expected to lose their partner. The one who was married is financially secure.

musingsinmidlife · 07/12/2022 18:06

If one of you ends out out earning the other, it protects the lower earner.

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