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Original poster

Why is it better to be married, financially?

79 replies

SussexRoyal · 07/12/2022 15:58

A genuine question having read countless posts suggesting it is better to be married for financial reasons - out of interest, why?

My partner and I are very much in love, have 1 DC and another due next year, own a house together, have never had any arguments over financial matters and everything is split very fairly. However, we are not married. This mainly came from me as I’m not that bothered by marriage. What are the reasons (other than love) that we should get married?

OP posts:
lifeisyellow · 07/12/2022 18:07

I'm a lawyer but this does not constitute legal advice.

Family - if you're married then the starting point is 50/50 and then can assess on a needs basis.
If you're not married it comes under TOLATA which is civil law as opposed to family law. There is still some scope under Schedule 1 of the Childrens Act to make an application for the children though, but it's much easier all round if you're married.

Probate - if you're married everything passes to the surviving spouse using spousal exemption, so no IHT payable. Upon the second death i.e when your partner dies after you, they will have their nil rate band (£325k) and they can also use yours if yours is unused (a further £325k) so a total of £700k. There are then residence nil rate bands (if you own the property) which is a further £175k if you're leaving the property do direct descendants eg your children. Any unusued residence nil rate band can be transferred to the surviving partner too - so essentually upon the second death you will be allowed upto £1m without any IHT liability.

This means your beneficiaries, I'd imagine usually your children or grandchildren, won't have to pay IHT out of your estate.

MelchiorsMistress · 07/12/2022 18:07

Often there isn’t a benefit. Sometimes there is a benefit to one person and a major disadvantage to the other if one person has more financially than the other. The benefits usually come in the event of a split or a death. My DH died suddenly and I would hate to think how much more difficult the practicalities would have been if I hadn’t had the rights to organise his funeral, access his bank account and everything.

MNers usually go on about the importance of marriage because with women being more likely to work less and earn less, they usually have more to gain from it.

Itsbeenashortyear · 07/12/2022 18:07

It’s not always financially better. You are always best seeking legal and/or financial advice before giving in with someone, having kids, getting married or any major life event.

Rainbowqueeen · 07/12/2022 18:20

Also because no matter your intentions, things happen in life.

You might have a disabled child and be unable to return to work. I don’t know any men who give up work in this scenario, it’s always been the woman.

If you split after being married 50-50 is the starting point. If one person is deemed to need more, then they would be awarded more.

And definitely the inheritance tax issue. No matter if you have a good income, this can mean the difference between being able to stay in your home or having to sell it.

Original poster
SussexRoyal · 07/12/2022 18:31

Thank you so much for your answers! It’s definitely made me think differently. We are quite evenly matched - I am the higher earner (almost double) but my partner has more equity in our house. Food for thought!

OP posts:
Minimalme · 07/12/2022 18:33

What's your circs op?

My dh and I are fantastically in love but our lives together are wildly different to what we planned.

Any relationship can go tits up. If mine does, I'd be royally screwed without the protection of marriage.

People who earn equally and make plans based on continuing to earn equally are ignoring the realities of life.

HermioneWeasley · 07/12/2022 18:41

If you’re the higher earner I wouldn’t, so that if he runs off he’s not leaving with half the assets and your pension.

Ambertonix · 07/12/2022 18:49

Because things change. You may be in love now and all is peachy but down the line this could change and if you havent got the safety net of being married, you will find it so much harder to fight for your fair share of assets. Obviously it is easier to walk away if you are not married as there is no divorce to go through but to protect yourself, i would definitely get that marriage license as soon as possible. Sorry, its not very romantic i realise but been there and done that so believe me i know what im talking about.

honeylulu · 07/12/2022 22:27

At the moment I don’t think we have an IHT problem but that would be my main reason for wanting to get married. Not very romantic!

Ha! Marriage has nothing to do with romance, you can trust me on that. It's for legal protection mainly for the lower earner and IHT benefits, yes. You can have plenty of romance too but you can be married or not for that!

AgentJohnson · 08/12/2022 04:35

I never understand why this question is still being asked, especially on this platform.

Generally the woman with a child isn’t the higher earner and marriage would afford her more security than the, ‘he’ll do right by me’ vague promises made when the relationship was stronger.

Aishah231 · 08/12/2022 07:08

This is an interesting thread for me as a woman who is the main breadwinner. We own a house jointly I work FT, he works PT. We share childcare and house work equally - not fair I know. Does anyone know if married people still get the state pension of their spouse if they die? I don't think they do anymore. Very romantic I know. I've looked on the gov website bit it's not clear. We wouldn't have enough assets to be hit by IT but I might think about it if the state pension is transferable. If not as far as I can see I can only lose.

Dery · 08/12/2022 07:15

“Ha! Marriage has nothing to do with romance, you can trust me on that. It's for legal protection mainly for the lower earner and IHT benefits, yes. You can have plenty of romance too but you can be married or not for that!”

This.

KangarooKenny · 08/12/2022 07:19

Just make sure you can house yourself and your kids if you split up.
Being married has its and a and disadvantages, if you are self sufficient in the case of the relationship ending ( and it sounds like you would be) I wouldn’t get married.

IncompleteSenten · 08/12/2022 07:20

It's not always better. If you are very wealthy for example you may prefer to protect your assets and forfeit the other advantages of marriage.

It is better if you are putting yourself at a financial disadvantage eg giving up your job to raise children. No savings. No pension. Massive gap in your CV. Skills out of date etc. If your partner ups and leaves you, you're screwed. At least if you are married you have the right to split assets.

There's inheritance tax. If you were married or in a civil partnership and leave everything to your spouse, they pay no inheritance tax.

There's pension transfer and bereavement support payment both available if you were married or in a civil partnership but not if you were cohabiting.

and so on.

Pythonese · 08/12/2022 07:24

If you have significant assets to your name you would be insane to get married.

IncompleteSenten · 08/12/2022 07:24

Aishah231 · 08/12/2022 07:08

This is an interesting thread for me as a woman who is the main breadwinner. We own a house jointly I work FT, he works PT. We share childcare and house work equally - not fair I know. Does anyone know if married people still get the state pension of their spouse if they die? I don't think they do anymore. Very romantic I know. I've looked on the gov website bit it's not clear. We wouldn't have enough assets to be hit by IT but I might think about it if the state pension is transferable. If not as far as I can see I can only lose.

Yes. But it looks like only if you were married before 2016
www.gov.uk/new-state-pension/inheriting-or-increasing-state-pension-from-a-spouse-or-civil-partner

But there's also bereavement support payment that is only available if you are married or in a civil partnership.

www.gov.uk/bereavement-support-payment

Crazykatie · 08/12/2022 07:25

Far better to be married, BUT make sure your personal share if the finances is protected, don’t let your partners spending get out of control.

Luckydip1 · 08/12/2022 07:26

Don't get married if you have more assets than your hubby, he will get 50%, which you won't be happy about if you're breaking up...

Swannning · 08/12/2022 07:47

I was the higher earner when we got married, I had a decent job that I returned to, but then life dealt the curve ball of a disabled child and I had to give up work to care for him.

After many years out of the job market, I am now only a suitable candidate for minimum wage jobs.

However as we were married, when XH and I divorced I was in a much stronger financial position than if we hadn't been - I staying in the house kids were adults and had a fair share of the assets to reflect my years on not earning.

A FOAF and her child moved in with her boyfriend and his child into his house, gave up work to bring up both his and her (similar aged) children, did up the house, supported his business by working for free etc
He didn't believe in marriage so when he died she was turfed out of the house with nothing.

Itsbeenashortyear · 08/12/2022 07:49

Aishah231 · 08/12/2022 07:08

This is an interesting thread for me as a woman who is the main breadwinner. We own a house jointly I work FT, he works PT. We share childcare and house work equally - not fair I know. Does anyone know if married people still get the state pension of their spouse if they die? I don't think they do anymore. Very romantic I know. I've looked on the gov website bit it's not clear. We wouldn't have enough assets to be hit by IT but I might think about it if the state pension is transferable. If not as far as I can see I can only lose.

I don’t know the full answer to this. But my mum died last year, Dad didn’t get her pension because he was already above pension age.

So even if you did marry before 2016, if one dies when the other is over the pension age the other won’t get it.

girlfriend44 · 08/12/2022 15:30

isthewashingdryyet · 07/12/2022 17:34

It also gives you rights to determine health care, so if your husband is critically ill on ITU, you get to decide if he lives or dies. If he is your partner then his parents, or his adult children get to decide.

not it dosent. Married people still have to sort out power of Attorney. You need to get the document drawn up even if your married. A husband or wife dosent necessarily get to decide things on the others behalf.

This is a myth what your saying. If anyone reading this the most important thing if your not married is a will. everyone married or not needs to go to a solicitor and get POA done or you can do it online but you need to know what your doing and it needs to be registered properly.

Kazzyhoward · 08/12/2022 15:41

If one of you becomes critically ill, next of kin (i.e. closest family member) will be responsible for deciding treatment/turning off life support, etc., rather than the partner. Fine if relationships between partner and family are good, but could cause arguments if not.

JustLyra · 08/12/2022 15:46

Aishah231 · 08/12/2022 07:08

This is an interesting thread for me as a woman who is the main breadwinner. We own a house jointly I work FT, he works PT. We share childcare and house work equally - not fair I know. Does anyone know if married people still get the state pension of their spouse if they die? I don't think they do anymore. Very romantic I know. I've looked on the gov website bit it's not clear. We wouldn't have enough assets to be hit by IT but I might think about it if the state pension is transferable. If not as far as I can see I can only lose.

Have you considered bereavement support payments if one of you dies pre-pension age?

Its not as substantial as widowed parents allowance was, but £3.5k lump sum and £350 a month for 18months is still a chunky sum at a tough time.

Horsesandzebras · 08/12/2022 15:59

I had to work this all out for myself, before I knew Mumset existed. I'm quite relieved to read about it on here. It's like a window into the things people don't discuss generally.

I've more assets, pensions and savings than my DP. He has no assets, no pensions and no savings. He is a financial calamity. He arrived in debt. However, we are soulmates. He does work hard and he puts about 60% in the family account weekly, he is just choas and sometimes I wonder! Think Frank Spencer...

We are both in agreement it only makes sense to get married when he can match my financial situation. It makes no sense that I risk losing half my wealth as well as being the SAHM.

I do need to write a will though and it does keep getting pushed down the priorty list.

I think all situations should be treated individually and you review them regularly to make sure you put the right things in place when IH is a significant sum.