Marriage when the woman has assets.

[Cocokitty]

I see it time and time again on here that women with assets shouldn't marry, particularly when she has children from previous relationships as it is "stealing from their inheritance" if things go wrong.

So I'm a woman. I have an asset. I have a lovely partner of some years with whom I'd like to marry. I am totally unconcerned about whether he gets "half of the house", although that is unlikely, but let's just say maybe he did. It's just money. It doesn't mean enough to me to make me think I shouldn't be married if I want to be.

My children will inherit, sure. He won't ever take it all. It isn't money I have "earned". It's luck - buying a home that increased in value eventually (was in neg equity for 10 years first though!). Mortgage was always interest only because back then that is what I could afford. I'm in a better position now with him even though he has no assets, pension or savings and has only just begun to earn in the last few years thanks to years as a student. Together we will be able to earn more (I can work more hours than as a single parent as he helps with childcare) and have lower childcare costs, we can buy a bigger house which could potentially have higher equity.

Yes I could lose some. I might have to sell. I'll always be able to buy though, I live in an area of low house prices. I earn enough to pay my mortgage.

I've been married before, whilst still having the same asset. The divorce didn't cost me a penny. The house remained mine as it was before. I bought it alone and have always been the sole owner.

Not all marriages that do end in divorce "take you to the cleaners".

i just wanted to offer a different perspective as this forum can be incredibly heavy on the "don't get married" advice to women who have an any assets. Money isn't everything to all people. Not everyone feels the same way when it comes to their money.

You are quite mad and if you were my mum I’d be furious. The money might not mean much to you but it probably means a lot to your children!

Each to their own, but I have worked very hard to buy a house and turn it into a beautiful home for my son and I. I won’t ever get married again and see someone else potentially take 50% of what’s mine and my sons.

That is very presumptuous of you. Children don't have a right to be left inheritance.

Mine will, but they certainly shouldn't expect it. And I don't expect it either. My dad has circa 2million between property, cash, investments, and other assets. I don't assume I will inherit. I still save for my pension. Even though he says I don't need to. There is no guarantee of inheritance. If it comes to me (only child, he is remarried, she has no children) then great. Ill have a fab life with it, and pass to my kids. If not, we'll, I didn't have it anyway so c'est la vie.

And no, my dad doesn't help me out financially despite his wealth. Before anyone asks!

Interested to know how you're so sure your son will inherit from you despite you marrying 🤔

Each to their own I guess! Personally, if my marriage to DH breaks down I’ll never marry again to protect my assets for my children. I won’t be having any more DC with any imaginary future partner, and everything I have I want to leave to the kids so marrying again would be a complication too far for me.

Who are you asking that to? If to me, I didn't say I had a son. And I didn't say that my children will definitely inherit. Just that one shouldn't assume that they will because parents don't have to leave anything to their children. I will, if I have it, which I probably will, but if I don't, then it will probably because I spent it on care in my retirement (or energy bills at this rate 🤣).

Why not just do a prenup?

They aren't legally enforceable, but something I'd ask for anyway. My partner has said he is more than happy to do that.

"parents don't have to leave anything to their children"

This is not true everywhere. It's not even true for the whole of the UK. Certainly not the case in Scotland (there may be circumstances that the spouse takes all by prior rights, but both your spouse and your children have a right to inherit from your estate and you cannot exclude them).

It's unusual for a guy to have no savings/ pensions or assets presuming he is at least in his 30s since you have had time to marry/ have a child and get divorced. Are you sure he is not really bad with money???
Saying that when l married dh he had a house..with a mortgage and his own business and immediately my name was on both and he has never mentioned that in 34 years in spite of many ups and downs. I had nothing except a secure job. It is possible to completely share. But he didn't have any children so he didn't need to factor in their future.

OP "It's just money."

you do you. Having my own money is of vital importance to me.

Not sure about the rules where you are but where I am formal marriage isn’t required to make a property claim . A partner could claim if they just lived together
do you believe any women with money should resign themselves to never living with a man again , even if they truly love that person , simply because their children feel entitled to some inheritance

their not .
its her money and she should live her life. As a child I’d prefer for my mother to be happy than be money hungry thinking if when she’s gone
As a mother I feel I’ve earned the right to make choices about my life without sacrificing what I might want so my children can have money.

one life .. older womenhave usually already given a huge amount of their lives up to others in raising kids and caring for others . They don’t exist just to continually manor sacrifices so children can have inheritance

op you do what feels right for you

And if parents have no money, then children have no right to inherit when there is nothing to inherit. Hence me saying not to expect inheritance as you never know what may happen before your parents die. They can blow it all on fuck all, holidays, or care costs.

I'm in England anyway, and you can disinherit. It can be challenged, but there are only certain grounds that would succeed.

OK, we shouldn’t be presumptions. And kids shouldn’t expect to inherit.
But I do find it strange that as a parent you don’t hope to pass on something to your kids to make their lives that bit more comfortable. And that you are so cavalier about the assets you do have, while marrying someone without assets, pension or savings. It sounds a bit naive.

I don’t really get women who have already been through divorce - thinking of their next marriage as some sort of second go of fairly tale. Good luck wit yours!

It is true for most women with assets remarrying - they need to protect their assets with a prenup at least.

Yes he is in his 30s. He dossed his early 20s away, went to uni, took 5 years to graduate due to illness. Worked for 2 years, had a kid with his ex, split up before the birth and then spent the last 5 years in family court hence no savings or pension, or anything else.
He is okay with money as far as I can see. Just didn't start his adult life until a bit older. I, on the other hand had a child and a council house at 17 and worked my way up to home ownership by 23.

I’ve never heard men say they won’t remarry again because of this reason . Perhaps they do but it seems that women seem to be more worried about it ? Surely anyone man or woman would be in the same position should they remarry ?

@jsku
’It is true for most women with assets remarrying - they need to protect their assets with a prenup at least.’

isnt this true for men too ?

Of course I hope to leave my children something. But regardless, that may never happen. I'm not a high earner, and had a child young. I'm on the backfoot as you were. So unless I inherit from my parents, my children may well not inherit from me as if I don't have a partner I'll probably have to sell my house for my old age as my work pension may not be enough, and who knows what will happen with state pensions.
With a partner we would have a more comfortable life as we would have had better earning capacity together.

Each to their own, I wouldn't do it. I want my children to inherit everything and I wouldn't trust their future in someone elses hands. I have seen first hand children being left with nothing despite the deceased parent's wishes for them to inherit by a second husband/wife.

I've heard men say it and I don't blame them.

I'm always a bit shocked when people say "it's just money" tbh.

Well if you died first and he inherited it all - including the inheritance from your father - theses nothing to stop him passing it all in to his child.

Or if you divorce and be takes half, who’s to say you could afford another home?

What happens if you have an accident or disease and can’t work?

People are never that far away from homelessness.

If you marry you should at least protect your half for your children.

Seeing a solicitor before marriage would be cost effective.

DFriend lost her home and job within weeks of a marriage breakdown due to his gambling drinking and smoking addiction. Half their equity went on his debts.
life isn’t a bed of roses.

OP "Yes he is in his 30s. He dossed his early 20s away, went to uni, took 5 years to graduate due to illness. Worked for 2 years, had a kid with his ex, split up before the birth and then spent the last 5 years in family court hence no savings or pension, or anything else.
He is okay with money as far as I can see. Just didn't start his adult life until a bit older. I, on the other hand had a child and a council house at 17 and worked my way up to home ownership by 23."

this seems like a lot of red flags to me.

I'd be wary OP.
I'm not sure how old your kids are, but imagine if you die. Your husband inherits the house as your next of kin. All is fine until he meets a new younger woman, who moves in. She has kids of her own, and doesn't like your kids, so your kids move out. Your husband now marries this woman, and suddenly your asset, which your kids should be benefiting from having lost their mum, belongs in part to your husband's new wife. And her kids when the time comes. They're sitting pretty while your kids have nothing.
And yes we all think that the man we love would never do anything like that, but time and again we see on here that people change.
I would absolutely ensure that the asset was somehow ring fenced for your kids, should you die.

He is definitely not a red flag kind of man if you knew him. We have been together 6 years. If he was a shit, I'd have noticed by now. He isn't. He is the kindest, most ridiculously generous man I've ever met. He is soft and gives his last penny away. When he was struggling with family court costs I went though his accounts with him to find out he was shelling £50 a month to 5 fecking charities! He couldn't bear the thought of stopping the donations because he would feel bad. I cancelled them for him so he had a clear conscience!

I'm probably more red flag than he ever is. If I said I was pregnant at 16, single by 23, married and divorced at 30 with 3 kids you'd probably say the same. But we aren't our previous history.
Maybe he should run away from me 🤷‍♀️.