Marriage when the woman has assets.

[Cocokitty]

I see it time and time again on here that women with assets shouldn't marry, particularly when she has children from previous relationships as it is "stealing from their inheritance" if things go wrong.

So I'm a woman. I have an asset. I have a lovely partner of some years with whom I'd like to marry. I am totally unconcerned about whether he gets "half of the house", although that is unlikely, but let's just say maybe he did. It's just money. It doesn't mean enough to me to make me think I shouldn't be married if I want to be.

My children will inherit, sure. He won't ever take it all. It isn't money I have "earned". It's luck - buying a home that increased in value eventually (was in neg equity for 10 years first though!). Mortgage was always interest only because back then that is what I could afford. I'm in a better position now with him even though he has no assets, pension or savings and has only just begun to earn in the last few years thanks to years as a student. Together we will be able to earn more (I can work more hours than as a single parent as he helps with childcare) and have lower childcare costs, we can buy a bigger house which could potentially have higher equity.

Yes I could lose some. I might have to sell. I'll always be able to buy though, I live in an area of low house prices. I earn enough to pay my mortgage.

I've been married before, whilst still having the same asset. The divorce didn't cost me a penny. The house remained mine as it was before. I bought it alone and have always been the sole owner.

Not all marriages that do end in divorce "take you to the cleaners".

i just wanted to offer a different perspective as this forum can be incredibly heavy on the "don't get married" advice to women who have an any assets. Money isn't everything to all people. Not everyone feels the same way when it comes to their money.

So the concensus seems to be that single people with children shouldn't remarry or enter long term relationships?

Of course as a single elderly person your more likely to need care in your later years so the inheritance your protecting will probably be used up in care costs.

A Will leaving half of the deceased assets to the children, can be contested in court by a surviving spouse with more than 95% of success.

Reading posts on MN, most people don't understand that Wills mean little if there are joint assets and a new marriage will protect and give the majority of assets to the new partner, not the children of a former marriage.

Sorry, it sounds like you are connecting marital status with care costs? Confused.

I think you're being really naive. You need to make a Will, and this needs to be after your wedding date, so that it reflects that these were your wishes after the marriage.

Imagine a few scenarios here:

Let's say you do inherit £2 million from your Dad. Your DH tells you a year later that he's met someone else, he divorces you and walks away with £1 million of your cash, and half your house, and half your pension pot. You okay with that?

Or, you die and your DH gets your house, your £2M, then when he dies his biological son inherits your Millions and your house, and your kids get absolutely nothing. You okay with that?

You need to plan here. Unfortunately though for you, if your Dad is married, and he is as careless as you, then his wife will get his £2M, and then her biological children will get it when she dies, and you'll get zero. You okay with that?

I've actually seen something like this happen. A woman owned several properties in one street. She had one son (Malcom). She died intestate and all the properties were inherited by her DH (who was not the father of her son). Then the DH died and all the properties were passed to his biological children. They went on to live a very luxurious life, and Malcom was piss poor his whole life. Bit daft, wouldn't you say?

Someone needs to pay for the care costs. They are expensive so what assets you have tend to disappear. Care costs are I think means tested so you may end up with very little of your marital assets left.

But this applies to married or single. Can't see the relevance to the thread.

You can have a happy relationship without being married, or living together.

@TortugaRumCakeQueen some people really are ok with those things.

My FIL has remarried since being widowed. If he leaves everything to his wife, my DH won't be upset. FIL loves her and wouldn't want to see her out of their home or worrying about her pension. DH and I can make our own money, as can his sister and her husband. We wouldn't think she was obliged to stay single for the rest of her life if she inherited either. If she met someone and married again then good for her. FIL who actually earned the money would want her to be happy whatever that looks like.

Not having a will is more than a bit daft.

I do have a will that I executed When I became a single parent

it wasn’t the easiest process (I didn’t choose the right solicitor )

that’s why I’m slightly freaked to think of I got married , that my spouse would get 50% !

even if will executed before marriage

A will needs to be updated when you marry. Previous wills will not be legal. You can update keeping the previous bequests as long as you acknowledge the marriage and state why your husband/wife is not a beneficiary of the will.
Civil partners inherit because they have created a legal union which is of the same status as marriage. Civil partnerships were initially brought in to give a legal framework to gay couples who were unable to marry. This is completely different to live in or cohabiting partners who have no right of inheritance (unless named in a will) and usually very few financial rights if the relationship breaks down, even if they have shared children.

I would not put a man before my children. There are so many unknowns that you can never be sure of the future. I would not marry again and would tie up my will tighter than a ducks arse to ensure my children inherit.

No idea why people don’t make a Will, and keep it up to date as they go through life - it costs so little in the great scheme of things, and makes the horror of losing someone dear to you much easier for the people you leave behind.

Maybe because the level of financial ignorance among women in the UK is startling. E.g not knowing that a previous will is invalidated by marriage. Is there no financial literacy taught at secondary level school in the UK?

I tried to get some financial literacy materials into schools near me, but the banks had got there first - so the only message that got through was ‘open a NatWest bank account’ 😂. Actually it’s not funny at all…

Some of the answers here make shake my head.

A few realities about wills...

If you own joint property with your DH/DW, that property is not part of your estate. Join tenants own the entire interest in the property as a couple, not as individuals. This co-ownership has survivorship rights which means that if one spouse passes away, the surviving spouse gets ownership of the entire property. No Will on this earth will change that.

The only way to pass your half the property to your children if something happens to you is:

a) buy property as tenants in common which will allow you to transfer your half to whoever you want to

b) draw up independent financial agreements where both parties agree to divide finances including real estate. A joint tenancy will take precedence but can be successfully challenged in court.

Too many people think a Will will protect the wishes of the person making it. Most of the time it does not.

You'd be furious at your mother doing as she chooses with her own finances, in case it affects your inheritance? It might not be wise, but it's her money, not her child's future money!

Some of the time it does not, I agree, as in the example you’ve given, but leaving a will is always better than not leaving a will. It’s just got to be the right will!

Remarrying doesn’t necessarily mean becoming joint tenants on my property (or on his), obviously. If I did remarry the legal title in my house would remain in my sole name. The ‘problem’ is that when I die, the house is H’s home, and I wouldn’t want him out on the street - but neither would I want the house falling into his estate. So in my will I would give him a life interest only. On his death it would pass to my DC. They may have to wait a bit!

my alternative is to sell up, give my DC £50k or whatever each now, while they’re young adults and needing a deposit, then buy a new (smaller) place together as joint tenants when we marry. If DC get anything more from me when I die, happy days, but it’s a bonus. Care fees!

Ehh?? What's to stop everyone from spending everything they've got while they're alive? No one has any right to inherit from anyone.

OP I am in your position with the added complication of stepchildren. We have an agreement setting out how we would divide our assets if anything happened, with my assets before I met him going to my daughter. If I haven't spent the lot by then.

The thread is about situations when the woman has more assets, and the OP's situation. Is that she owns her own house, in her own name. As far as I understand, in that circumstance, a will most certainly allows you to leave your property to your children without much difficulty at all. A prenup, while not absolutely binding, if drawn up sensibly and fairly also offers reasonable protection.

I just don't think he sounds much of a catch. He sounds like a cocklodger.

What if you marry and then you die first? Your kids won't inherit as everything will go to him.

Get legal papers drawn up so that this doesn't happen!