Boyfriend talks to me like shit am I overreacting?

[Mazziecat]

I don’t have a circle of friends or anyone to really have this convo with so thought I’d bring it here.

year and a half into a relationship with my boyfriend it’s been the most healthiest I’ve been in compared to previous relationships but now I’m questioning myself Isit normal to be called names all the time I’m absolutely sick of it I’ve voiced it multiple times I don’t find it funny but he goes on to say I’m being paranoid and to basically F off when it gets slightly heated words consist of… what’s up weirdo, are you moody today miss moody which then annoys me so yes I AM now ‘moody’ along with telling me I’m annoying for telling him to stop calling me names, I get called crazy woman, psycho, dxck head, mental woman over the smallest things like this morni no we had a argument as I woke up just not in the mood to him saying morning crazy woman which then triggers me into a bad mood where I don’t want to talk but he will continue to push and push with shitty remarks until he gets some sort of reaction of me telling him to leave me alone, I got his clothes ready for when he got out the shower to hear bring my socks… no please nothing so I said where is your manners no please? He told me to shut up and F off along with don’t bother me for the week which then I get the silent treatment all day.

he doesn’t live with me he only stays at mine 3 days a week and those 3 days I’m starting to feel depressed he doesn’t get up until 11am/12 when I want to be up and out and get stuff done on the days I don’t have work or kids he never wants to do anything other than chill (he finishes work late) I just feel overall shit lack of affection, love, emotional support and crap communication.

do I just call this a day or am I being silly and this is just a normal do your SO call you silly names on a daily?

You're underreacting. That's not banter, it's abusive and I'd have walked long ago.

Pleeease don't be embarassed. The only person who should be embarassed is him - a grown man who can't get his own clothes out and who shouts at his gf and calls her names.

Name calling is not normal. Criticism is not normal. My DH calls me by my name or a selection of affectionate nicknames (when noone else is around!) and vice versa. It isn't normal to talk to your OH like shit. Of course it isn't. They are meant to be 'your person'. The person who has your back. Supports you through thick and thin. Thinks you're the best thing ever. Things they're lucky to have you with them. Why on earth would someone who loves you want to call you derogatory names????

I'm so pleased you've seen the light. And so pleased he hadn't met your children and hadn't moved in. It will make leaving him much easier logistically.

Well done to your gut!

So glad he hasn’t met your children and that you not going down the sunken costs fallacy route.

Dump him. Even if you set aside all the other awful insults he’s throwing your way, you should not feel depressed when your partner is coming to stay with you. He’s not worthy of you.

Step up girl.

Why on earth are you getting his clothes ready for him???? My husband gets his own clothes in the morning because, you know, he's an adult. He also doesn't call me horrible names like your boyfriend does, yes we squabble and bicker at times, but we don't call each other nasty names. You're still so young - don't let this pig abuse you any longer. There's a lovely man for you out there who will cherish you and care for you and make you feel loved.

Op 30 is a good age to start a new life. I had terrible relationships all through my 20s and then met my lovely husband at 31 after having a lot of therapy

Have you had the type of therapy where you talk about your own childhood and what it taught you about relationsips ?

also...focus on having a bit of fun and making some new friends so you dont end up isolated again with a man

I bet there is a lovely kind guy out there for you

Well done for realising.

You would never want your precious children hearing you spoken to like this, ever.

Soon enough he would be abusing your children.

Dump him and dont look back.

Emotional abuse can be just as damaging if not more than physical abuse get rid of this twat you deserve so much more 💐

Just because he is not as abusive as the last guy (yet, anyway) doesnt mean he isn't abusive. The only acceptable level of abuse is none.

Life is too short to date a wanker. Run!

Christ - get rid. In over 20 years the worse thing my dh has ever called me in an argument is my full name! (vs diminutive that I am normally called)

Look, it doesn’t matter if you are too soft, can’t take banter or what not.

You are dreading him coming over.
You dint like him not getting up until 12.00pm - basically have different expectations of what life is about.
You don’t like him calling you names and when you told him, he simply carried on.

Just LTB.
He isnt living with you so there will be little upheaval.
And stop second guessing yourself. It doesn’t matter if he is abusive or not.
it doesn’t matter if it’s right that you should take banter better or not.
zin some wats it doesn’t even matter if those words are insults or not (they are btw)
What matters is that you don’t like it and it’s nit working for you. That’s it. No more to it than that. Put yourself first this time and lick him out.

He will likely get worse, so get rid, you are worth more.

Oh 30yo is still young!

And better you realise this guy is bad news NOW than carrying on for another 20 years before getting out. You are in a much better place!

Id advise counselling if you can too if you feel you tend to attract guys like this.

He's an abusive arsehole.

A partner should make you feel loved and respected. They make you feel that they are on your side.

Partners are just to add a little support, spice and company into our lives. If they don't do that then stay single unless you find one that does.

You have kids already so no rush whatsoever to partner up longterm. It's not like relationships from our 30s will last forever anyways xD not in this day and age.

You get his clothes ready for him? What is he,1? Ltb

Mazziecat don’t feel ashamed/embarrassed but instead feel proud that you’re realising you deserve better. He is a poor excuse for a man. Whatever he might be bringing to your relationship it can’t be worth it. Ditch the fucker and don’t let him drag you down any further. Then relax in the comfort of your own home and enjoy Christmas with your family without letting this pathetic prick come anywhere near you again. You’ll feel so much bettter 💐

This is absolutely not ok. You’ve made it clear you don’t like it, and he’s continuing. I’d be ending this right now

It's not banter. It's lack of respect. It's chipping away to undermine you, insult you, to take perverse pleasure in upsetting you and getting a rise out of you.

Don't be embarrassed, his behaviour shames him not you. You've woken up and seen exactly who he is now. Believe what you see and walk away.

You deserve better than this abusive, pathetic, insecure little man.

Dump him. You deserve better

My partner calls me, ‘beautiful’, ‘gorgeous’, ‘darling’, and if he ever called me what your boyfriend called you he’d be kicked to the kerb immediately without a second though. He wouldn’t though, because he’s not a dick, and he loves me and likes me to be happy.

Run! He is trying to normalise calling you names, next it will be normalising hitting you. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

THIS is the healthiest relationship you’ve been in? You poor girl, you need to learn to choose better. Get rid. No one deserves to go through life being treated like this.

This is 18 months in, in another 18 months - or less - he might slap or hit you too. This man has no respect for you, he thinks you love him so much you can't let him go.

This is verbal abuse, it's soul destroying and eats away at your self esteem. Do not move in with this man, run as fast as you can and don't look back.

There will be better men out there, cut him loose. You need to find yourself and take action about why you have low self esteem leading you to putting up with abusers.

The bottom line is that he doesn't respect you ,
There are some people in couples that call eachother names as a mutual joke but thats not whats happening in your situation
you've made it clear that you dont like it, it upsets you and he still continues, then it becomes abusive

So the core issues is the lack of respect and that he is immature/emotionally stunted
You only have to tell someone to stop ONCE
If he continues it is abuse and bullying and you should cut him off and block his number because there is nothing more important than your mental health

When you try to pull away, he will try to charm you into staying with him and then he will go back to being abusive
You dont want to end up pregnant with this guy and have him in your life permanently