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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Boyfriend talks to me like shit am I overreacting?

100 replies

Mazziecat · 05/12/2022 17:21

I don’t have a circle of friends or anyone to really have this convo with so thought I’d bring it here.

year and a half into a relationship with my boyfriend it’s been the most healthiest I’ve been in compared to previous relationships but now I’m questioning myself Isit normal to be called names all the time I’m absolutely sick of it I’ve voiced it multiple times I don’t find it funny but he goes on to say I’m being paranoid and to basically F off when it gets slightly heated words consist of… what’s up weirdo, are you moody today miss moody which then annoys me so yes I AM now ‘moody’ along with telling me I’m annoying for telling him to stop calling me names, I get called crazy woman, psycho, dxck head, mental woman over the smallest things like this morni no we had a argument as I woke up just not in the mood to him saying morning crazy woman which then triggers me into a bad mood where I don’t want to talk but he will continue to push and push with shitty remarks until he gets some sort of reaction of me telling him to leave me alone, I got his clothes ready for when he got out the shower to hear bring my socks… no please nothing so I said where is your manners no please? He told me to shut up and F off along with don’t bother me for the week which then I get the silent treatment all day.

he doesn’t live with me he only stays at mine 3 days a week and those 3 days I’m starting to feel depressed he doesn’t get up until 11am/12 when I want to be up and out and get stuff done on the days I don’t have work or kids he never wants to do anything other than chill (he finishes work late) I just feel overall shit lack of affection, love, emotional support and crap communication.

do I just call this a day or am I being silly and this is just a normal do your SO call you silly names on a daily?

OP posts:
billy1966 · 05/12/2022 17:42

You poor woman.

What you have written is unbelievable.

Are you waiting for a slap?
Because I have no doubt its coming.

What on earth are you doing accepting such truly shocking behaviour from this nasty abusive loser?

Dump him ASAP and do the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk to help you with your boundaries.

This is not normal.

This is really nasty verbal abuse.

Do not play it down.

Minikievs · 05/12/2022 17:43

Dear god he sounds dreadful. Bin him off

sausageofdoom · 05/12/2022 17:44

Ew, I can imagine him demanding you bring his socks, without a please or can you or thank you. Very immature and icky. You deserve much more. Would you want a loved one for example a sister or daughter to put up with what you do?

hobbledyhoy · 05/12/2022 17:44

Lbnc2021 · 05/12/2022 17:21

Oh just bin him, life’s too short for this pish.

This

SirDavidAttenborough · 05/12/2022 17:44

Why on earth are you fetching a grown man’s clothes?!

sausageofdoom · 05/12/2022 17:45

You 💓 deserve 💓 better.

purpleboy · 05/12/2022 17:46

Don't stick around for this. You're worth more.

Longestnight · 05/12/2022 17:47

Horrible man. Just one of those comments would be enough to make me walk away.

PearlclutchersInc · 05/12/2022 17:48

If this is the healthiest you've been I hate to think what you've been through in the past

What are you doing with this guy. He's a class A shit. Don't think just dump.

Now.

DPotter · 05/12/2022 17:49

I got his clothes ready for when he got out the shower to hear bring my socks…

Mazzie - this isn't right. The only people you get clothes ready for are children under about 6. OK there are a few other categories, but an able bodied adult male gets his own clothes ready and finds his own socks.

He really is pushing your boundaries. Please stop seeing him and get some help to discover what a healthy relationship between 2 adults looks and feels like, because Mazzie the one you are in at the moment is just plain abusive.

MatildaTheCat · 05/12/2022 17:51

AnyFucker · 05/12/2022 17:40

My husband has never called me names in over 30 years. Never. And we argue at times.

Same here. Or given me the silent treatment.

Adults do disagree but decent adults drop the insults aged about 12. It’s not trivial or jokey it’s really unpleasant and I cannot understand how this happens in a loving relationship.

2bazookas · 05/12/2022 17:52

So he only comes to your place to get a shag and maid service (laying out his clothes !!!!!!) and indulge his little abuse fetish. Is that how he gets it up; by abusing you?

IncompleteSenten · 05/12/2022 17:53

I feel so sorry for you that you even feel the need to ask. 💐💐

MincepiesforRudolph · 05/12/2022 17:55

Verbal abuse. Dump him! You can do better!

Farmageddon · 05/12/2022 17:55

I'm sorry OP, he's horrible. You say that you have done therapy and worked on yourself, but I think you need to take some time to stay single and keep working on stuff. Learn to be ok alone.

Also, is there a reason you don't have any friends or anyone to talk to? I'm not trying to judge, but this will make you more vulnerable to men like this in the future if you don't have a support network.

Please get rid of this arsehole, and build up your life without a man - hobbies, friendships etc.

minou123 · 05/12/2022 17:55

You know, in a weird way, you should be quite proud of yourself @Mazziecat .

You listened to your gut. Your head, gut, heart is telling you something is wrong.
You don't like how he speaks to you and you know you need to do something to stop this before he gets his abusive feet under your table.

I know you have asked on here and you're "double checking" yourself. But you know in your heart of hearts he is a bad guy.
And instead of letting this go on for years, you've spotted it and asked for help.

In a very unmumsnetty way; I, for one, I'm actually very proud of you.

Next step, throw the wank-nugget out. Let him not darken your door again.

determinedtomakethiswork · 05/12/2022 17:56

I agree that you should be proud of yourself. You know what he's doing is wrong. You know you don't want that. You know you deserve better.

Thank God he doesn't live with you. I will pack his bags and tell him to leave and not come back. If you think he might be aggressive then pack his bags when he's not there and dump them outside his house.

DillDanding · 05/12/2022 17:59

Read your post back and then ask yourself why you're settling for such a very low bar.

This is so far from normal. My husband has never called me a nasty name or spoken down to me in 30 years together.

He clearly hates you. End this awful relationship and work on your self-esteem.

Original poster
Mazziecat · 05/12/2022 18:00

@Farmageddon i agree, I only had two close friends (previous I lost due to having children and moving) but my other two just fizzled as I stopped drinking and partying 2years ago and am no longer that cool go to friend to go out with sad but life and the one I do have I wouldn’t feel comfortable to open up to on this level.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mazziecat · 05/12/2022 18:03

I am overwhelmed with all the comments was literally only expecting one! Thank you all so much for taking the time to tell me what I already know I need to do im so angry with myself but also glad he never met my children maybe that was my gut telling me something and not making it happen without me even realising! Im just so embarrassed at another failed relationship about to hit 30years old and I still haven’t managed to get it right! Damn

OP posts:
Moomoola · 05/12/2022 18:04

minou123 · 05/12/2022 17:55

You know, in a weird way, you should be quite proud of yourself @Mazziecat .

You listened to your gut. Your head, gut, heart is telling you something is wrong.
You don't like how he speaks to you and you know you need to do something to stop this before he gets his abusive feet under your table.

I know you have asked on here and you're "double checking" yourself. But you know in your heart of hearts he is a bad guy.
And instead of letting this go on for years, you've spotted it and asked for help.

In a very unmumsnetty way; I, for one, I'm actually very proud of you.

Next step, throw the wank-nugget out. Let him not darken your door again.

Well said! I totally agree! Well done for realising your heart is telling you something.

SamphiretheTervosaurReturneth · 05/12/2022 18:07

Im just so embarrassed at another failed relationship about to hit 30years old and I still haven’t managed to get it right! Damn

Meh! Who cares? You have kids. You still have your sanity. Your Twat button works, it's just a little bit quiet. And you can now make your own plans without him staying in your bed all day and constantly negging at you!.

Outfor150 · 05/12/2022 18:08

You are not even 30? You are so young. And even if you were much older, I’d say the same. Get rid of this dreadful man and enjoy your life. You’re worth so much more.

Theeyeballsinthesky · 05/12/2022 18:10

He’s a twat! Dump him

IsThePopeCatholic · 05/12/2022 18:13

He sounds awful, op. No one should be calling you names like that. He will gradually grind you down if you stay with him. Bin him.