Aaaaah a classic from my mum - I know she MEANS well...

[snowleopard]

"It's a shame DS is such a handful because if he was being a bit better behaved, I could have him while you get something done about your hair"

that is the you of the future you know

Hmm, which bit of your life hasn't she criticised in that statement?!!!

That's a in response, right?!

I am laughing about it now. I know I look like shit and I have a hair appointment next week, but it's been impossible up till now because I've had major work deadlines, we've all been ill, had workmen in etc etc and DS has been disrupted by that, not to mention visit of his bonkers granny bearing piles of chocolate...

But I did have a sob about it to DP in bed last night!

Hunkermunker, that made me laugh! Snowleopard, you don't have to justify why you haven't had your hair done. When people say things like that to you, you don't have to swallow your feelings. It is entirely apt to say 'that's really hurtful, mum, and not at all constructive'. Practise this at home

Thanks LW - and don't worry, I didn't justify myself to her!

So you're a lax mum and you look like shit?

Gotta love 'em or you'd kill them!

Why do mothers have to be like this - it is sooo hurtful.

Mine has never ever told met that I look nice even on my wedding day.

Last weekend they were up to see us for about 24hours (that's really all I can tolerate) and in that time she said to me (she is about a size 20 and has great diffculty walking up my stairs because she hasn't done any exercise over the years) - when did you get so big? (I am not slim but am a size 16 with a rather large chest) Lots of your friends aren't big!!

She spent most of the time she was there wiping my kitchen surfaces and asked me did I really wear all my clothes (insinuating that I have too many).

Could write a book about it but last time they visited I told her to stop criticising me! First time ever in 40 years.

I think she knows she is being a cow!!

I don't have a daughter but would never ever treat her like that - I see my job to bolster and encourage my DCs.

lololol
I think even just a sarcastic "well thanks a lot" would have done!

Mothers, dont you just love them!!!

Oh yes mine never compliments me or says anything nice to me (to my face of course to everyone else I am wonderful as a result of her being a wonderful mother )

Anyway she made one of her about 4 x a year visits on Sunday (she lives an hour away) for DD2's birthday. She was here for 2 hours watched the DDs play, gave them some Happy Meal toys (which are too old for them), had her lunch and talked about my brother and his finacee non stop.

As she was leaving she said, "now take care of yourself as it's hard being pregnant nevermind with two DC to look after as well, try to take it easy and rest" well thanks not that you would ever offer to look after the DDs for 5 minutes as that would require you to get off your bum and expend some energy.

Time before that she told me I was looking very spotty (I was pregnant spots) but dosn't she think I look in the mirror.

Oh and in a house full of family she announced "oh your chest is looking smaller, cue everyone looking at it"

Oh yours sounds very like mine sweetkitty!

To be fair, she can be nicer than that. But the funny thing is - I'm sure she genuinely thought she was being nice. She'd be shocked if she knew it brought me down a bit. Talking like that is her idea of being sympathetic.

We actually have a running joke now about what she is going to critise me about whenever I see her, classics in the past

"your toenails could do with being cut"
"your roots need done"
"your hais looks a bit greasy"
"when you bent over there your bum looked like it had grown"

she just can't bring herself to be nice to me I think it would kill her when I had DD1 my PFB beautiful little 6lbs 3ozs baby and had just got out of hospital I emailed her a pic of her first grandchild and she said "oh she looks fat and ginger" talk about if you don't have anything ncie to say don't say anything (how can something that weighs 6lbs be fat and she had a tiny tuft of brown hair on her head.

hehehehheheheh god that sounds like something my mother would say , she appears to take my hair length as a personal affront

the latest I can remember was in the middle of a very exclusive small boutique specialising in girly creams and unctions (you know Dr Haushka is the base brand and everything goes up from there) "Let me buy you some make-up" "that's ok mum I don't think I'd really wear it" (blue?? on my eyes??) "Oh you have let yourself go" "she really has let herself go you know"

You do have to make it into a joke. DP cheered me up by saying he couldn't wait to dine out on it with our mates.

More of my mum's in the past have included -
"Oh darling, spare tyre!"
"I'm afraid you have always had tree-trunk legs"
"You're slightly overweight and I'm afraid it will be very hard to get rid of now you're over 30"

Thanks mum!

my mums idea of a comliment..."ooh you looked lovely at DNeice's party, which was nice becuase you've looked so awful for the last 6 months"

She didn;t understand why I was so miffed.

Sweetkitty, can you imagine if she did help out more often? It would become her divine right to slag you off non-stop and programme your kids to do it to .

True buckets but then I would actually get something from my relationship with her.

I think the death knell of our relationship came when she told me "it is probably for the best that I had a mc as 3 children would be expensive" when I phoned her to say I had had a scan and it wasn't looking too good for the baby.

Aaaah. I couldn't tell my mum I was pg with this one ( #3) face to face, wrote it in a Christmas card attached to her gift so she'd open it on Xmas day when I wasn't there. She is very helpful and means well but she will say the first thing that comes into her head without thinking how it could be interpreted. She tells everyone I get moody and hormonal when pg but the fact is when I'm pg I just can't take any crap from her and will fight back! Am keeping baby names secret but have maliciously told her that one of them she will really hate .

"so are you just letting it all run to grey now then?" says ma scrutinising my hair.

"you haven't got many wrinkles for your age..that's a good thing about being a bit f...er...not thin.'

and when i had dd (after hearing; "hoping for a girl then?" a billion times as got ds1 and ds2)...
rang her from the delivery room and she trilled:'oh third time lucky!"

love her to bits and she really doesn't mean any harm, but you've got to have thick skin sometimes, eh?

i, of course, will never come out with such classics with my own dcs

I can't believe this stuff from a mother. My mum's so lovely. This ain't unconditional love, surely?

Mothers!!!Mine is obsessed about hair of me and 2 sis.She likes mine Mid length,no grey but no blond streaks,sis 1 's short and not too dark sis 3's no highlights and'tidy'.Goes on at length,we are all in our late 30's.Recently afyer a party a mutual friend asked @why is your mum so bothered about your sisters' hair.I think its a control thing she wishes we wre still about 3 so she could boss us totally and do our hair as she likes.Will never turn into her!!!!

My mums fine although my sister said to me last week "god I never knew how insensitive and selfish I was until I became a mother, you just don't understand until you have children to consider".

Erm that would be me then..... after ttc 3 yrs and 2 m/c in 6 months I am trying to be a parent and hence would welcome being less selfish and more considerate......

Oh, I love these threads.

My mum was a pillar of strength while I was in a pit of exhaustion with an exhuberant toddler and bionic baby.

"I thought you were making me a cup of tea. If they both go to sleep later, maybe you can lie down too". (Of course that never happened). Would have been so great if she'd just made herself a cup of tea and played with the DGCs.

KD73, that's actually very funny isn't it, about how sensitive she is now? She's made her own comment completely void LOL.