Leaving my abusive husband, would it be possible?

[Dunno2]

I have been in an abusive relationship for many years, H (not DH, obviously) have a toddler DD. I have been thinking about leaving him for so many times, but I cannot find the courage.

This morning there was another incident that triggered my thoughts of leaving him.

We were preparing DD for school but DD was not changing his uniform and we were running late. H got a bit annoyed with DD and started moaning about him for not performing in the Christmas play last week (to be fair, DD was just a bit shy on stage but he did said his lines and performed together with his pals and I am actually proud of him)I told H he was too harsh on DD, I could not stand the way he spoke to DD because that was so discouraging and almost a character assassination. So I yelled back at H (he was raising he voice towards DD). Then H got furious, he said "how dare you counter me?" Then he hit my head with his fist. By this time, DD was already crying.

I did not hold back and shouted back at him because what he said to DD was so wrong and I told him many times not to "complain" about DD's performance. He did nothing to encourage DD, only criticising . He's been doing this all the time, not just about the play, but everything like cycling, swimming etc. He always compare DD with other kids, always says" how I wish DD could do this and that...". But what he doesn't realise is, he doesn't spend as much time with Dd as other parents do with those other kids. How can he expect DD to excel all by himself without some meaning parental guidance? If he has time, he would rather watch his own TV.

Back to what happened this morning, after I shouted back at him, he got even more furious and hit my head fiercely for few times, I was on the floor and DD was crying.

When he stopped, he realised he shouldn't do that in front of DD, then he told DD it was my fault for bringing the worst of him. So it wasn't his fault to hit me. He also told DD not to tell anyone and the teachers in case some social would come to visit us. Then we sent DD to school.

I really want to tell someone.

I really want to leave this man. I can't live like this anymore. This is not the first time.

I want to uproot everything and move to a new town where he cannot find us and I don't have to explaining anything to other fellow parents.

But that would mean turning DD's life upside down. He will have to leave his teaches his friends, his favourite parks his house his bedroom. All the things that he grow up with.

I also don't want to involve social workers because DD would then be labelled as a kid from a disturbed family.

I just don't know what to do. I know I sound stupid but I am honestly lost and feeling miserable.

I love my DD dearly but I just regret so much for having a kid together with H.

I think your child being labelled is the least of your worries.
You are not safe and you need to contact The Police now, if your child does tell school you could be accused of not protecting them and that could be a big problem.
Please call The Police, they may be able to remove him from the house.
Do you have and friends or family that can support you?

This is highly abusive. Could you take photos of your injuries? and report this the abuse to the Police. The Police take domestic abuse very seriously or contact Women’s Aid.
The impact of domestic abuse on children is significant, it seriously affects their wellbeing and relationships.
Do you have any family members or friends you can confide in? Could you report to your child’s school, so that they can receive support?

Phone the Police now. Immediately. He needs to be arrested now. Get him removed from the house. The police should put in panic alarms. Phone Women's Aid, if you need to get into a refuge if you need it. You need to protect your child, this man will soon start hitting your child especially as he feels like the poor child isn't good enough. He is a violent bulling abuser, who you need out of your life. The sooner you act the better. I hope your child tells their teacher so Social Services can get involved. This man should only ever be having supervised visits with his child. Please phone the police before he kills you.

There is no significant physical injury that can be shown. No bruises this time. He also abuses me verbally constantly.

Can't find any friends for help, close ones live far away, others are mutual friends. Also families live abroad. I am all on my own.

I want to uproot everything and move to a new town where he cannot find us and I don't have to explaining anything to other fellow parents.

Do this. Your husband just assaulted you.

But that would mean turning DD's life upside down. He will have to leave his teaches his friends, his favourite parks his house his bedroom. All the things that he grow up with.

Staying would mean you exposing your child to more trauma and an appalling pattern for sexual relationships. If you love your child, leave.

Yes, call the police and get him out of your life.

Op you need to get help, now, today.

Phone the police and report the physical assault.

Phone Womens Aid to get support and practical help.

Your child would far, far rather be living in a stable, non violent home than staying in familiar surroundings !

Your child deserves to be free of fear from their Father, and you deserve to never, ever be in fear of a physical beating from someone who supposedly 'loves' you !

Only YOU can take the steps to protect you both, so please, please get on the phone and start getting the help you need.

Never mind not doing it in front of the child, he shouldn't be doing it at all !!! You need to leave - for yourself and your child. Report it now before it gets worse. Save yourself and potentially anyone else!

He will fuck your child up unless you leave. DV is hugely impacting on children.

Leave. Report it to the police. Do it for your child.

im so sorry that this happened to you

what is your financial situation like? Can you afford the house? Do you work?

call the police and when he is bailed you can ask that his bail conditions prevent him from contacting you

For info dd means darling daughter

ds means darling son

You should honestly call the police - if you don’t you are protecting this man

you need this on record so he is held accountable

or people could just write son, daughter or child and stop the sentimental crap.

Police and Women's Aid. Please leave, both you and your son are in danger. If his behaviour is escalating, he may well end up killing you.

I hope your child DOES tell someone at school. They will help you. Is there someone at school you could confide in? The safeguarding lead? They will help you contact agencies you need like women's aid.

Social services isnt a bad thing, they will help you get away from him. There would only be an issue if you were adamant to stay with him which you aren't.

Please get help and leave, it will be worse for your child growing up with a father who always puts them down and seeing their mom physically assaulted.

Please do not be afraid of social services. They are there to help children who are being abused, which is what is currently happening to your son. Being witness to violence is very damaging for children.

You do not here bruising to be helped. If calling the police is too scary right now can you call women's aid? They can help you make a plan to leave safely. This could include moving you to a refuge a long way away and then settling in that area.

It's far more important that your child grows up with a living mother than keeping him in a local school.

But that would mean turning DD's life upside down. He will have to leave his teaches his friends, his favourite parks his house his bedroom. All the things that he grow up with

His life is already upside down after what he's witnessed this morning. I second what PPs have said - police and womens aid.

Just an update. I ended up calling the police, he was sent to the hotel for the night.

I can't believe he was still texting me with harassing messages and saying things like " you've ruined our child's life", " his career will be ruined", "thing with not be the same anymore", "people will not treat us as a normal family" etc etc. basically saying I am SO wrong to have called the police and destroy everyone.

I feel that I have broken our family apart too.

Please tell me I did the right thing.

You did the right thing.

The fact is that your child IS from a disturbed family. The label isn’t anywhere near as harmful as the reality. Get this man prosecuted and you will be this child’s hero and be someone your child can look up to, otherwise there is a good chance they will end up either copying their father’s behaviour or even worse, end up with a partner just like their dad.

He hates that people will find out what he's really like, but that's on him.
You have done the right thing for yourself and for your child. Well done.
Block him and stay strong.
You are doing great.

You did the right thing xxxx

You were assaulted this morning;call the police right now;your husband needs to be removed from the house and charged with assault;he punched in the head.

He's very unlikely to stop at hurting you.Do you want your child to be the one punched next?

You 100% did the right thing.

You need to remember that you cannot trust the words he uses.

You definitely did the right thing and for your child's sake you must stick to your guns.