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Original poster

All in my head?

56 replies

Veronica8 · 04/12/2022 19:19

Hey everyone

I'm married 40's with children and love my husband and kids greatly.
Many many years ago I had an encounter with a male who worked in same place as me and didn't know him, in an airport just a hello and enjoy your flight. From that tiny fleeting meeting I felt this sense of connection with him which was crazy and makes no sense.
Over the years maybe bumped into him a handful of time with maybe a hello but always feeling that connection feeling. It was very strange as I didn't even know him or even have a proper conversation.
We now work together for the last few months and we get on very well he is married with kids also.
I feel there is a very strong chemistry between us and when we see each other we always lock eyes and it feels so intense for me. I really enjoy his company and he is easy to be around. He is a very charming person.
On a recent meeting he suggested we travel overseas together for a buisness travel.
On one hand I am thinking this is just an innocent proposal as nothing could ever happen we are both married etc and would not get involved with a work colleague and I am crazy to think other wise and another part of me is wondering if this a premeditated situation for us to be alone?
My head is all over the place should I go or not or am I misreading things
In one sense I find it very exciting at the thought of travelling with him but also guilty for feeling this way too.
We met for lunch the other day and he mentioned the trip again we both locked eyes after he said it and it felt like the longest time it was like he could read my soul it was bizarre it was super intense and that lunch that day just felt very intense. This was before a another colleague joined us.
Do you think you can sense a connection like this or am I crazy and this is all in my head.
I have never been unfaithful to my husband.
I cant help think this has the classic midlife crisis all over it. Just to add I've worked closely with males all my life and have never experienced anything like this before which is why I am so confused.

OP posts:
Whatevergetsyouthroughthenight · 04/12/2022 19:22

Don’t go on the trip. You’re playing with fire.

Catapultaway · 04/12/2022 19:24

Go have an affair if that's what you want to do, you don't need to dress it up as some sort of uncontrollable attraction that isn't your fault.
If you actually love your husband and kids then maybe don't.

Crazypaving22 · 04/12/2022 19:28

Bloody nonsense.

Stop building a sexual attraction into some kind of twu luv story it's pathetic.

Affairs put innocent partners at risk emotionally, sexually, physically and mentally.

They take right to sexual consent away.

You have no right to do this to your husband, you have no right to pull down the walls of another woman's marriage.

Don't go on the trip and...

Grow up!

hothopheat · 05/12/2022 06:56

It's clearly not in your head , he's planning to try it in with you as it's upto if your going down this path!!!

GreyCarpet · 05/12/2022 07:39

Don't go.

You might be reading into something that isn't really there; he might be planning on making a move. Either way, why would you put yourself and your marriage in this position?

FootfallFootball · 05/12/2022 07:48

It's just sexual attraction

MsDogLady · 05/12/2022 08:23

Veronica, don’t be disingenuous. You know exactly what’s going on. You two are making fools of your spouses by starting an affair.

You’re already doing the dirty on your H by having lunch dates and indulging in intense, lingering gazes with your married crush. He’s already made a move by suggesting your traveling with him. Would you feel comfortable if your spouses witnessed your grubby behavior?

Find your integrity. Stop making a mockery of your H and children. You’re playing a dangerous game with their lives, all for illicit thrills.

If you value your family at all, distance yourself from this married man. If you want to pursue other men, end your marriage in a decent manner first.

DurhamDurham · 05/12/2022 08:27

-we both locked eyes after he said it and it felt like the longest time it was like he could read my soul it was bizarre

Sorry but you sound like a badly written novel GrinGrinGrin

Axolotlquestions · 05/12/2022 08:28

You're dressing this up as something special, when all it is is a potential affair which is likely to damage or end your relationship. You do you, but stop with the pretence.

Eleganz · 05/12/2022 08:55

Trying to get the justifications all lined up before you cheat on your husband I see.

You are an adult, you know what acting on these feelings mean. You don't need or deserve permission from anyone on here.

Original poster
Veronica8 · 05/12/2022 09:03

Thanks the replies I actually feel sick to the stomach after reading them and realise it's pathetic of me.
It's just it's kind of awoken something me in one sense so I need to put that energy into my marriage.

It's easy to get bogged down by the day to day hum drum of life.

I am just trying to make sense of these feelings as its never happend before.
But ye are right it's play with fire and also I could be completely misreading the signs.

OP posts:
Original poster
Veronica8 · 05/12/2022 09:04

I know 😂

OP posts:
Mischance · 05/12/2022 09:16

it was like he could read my soul - have you been reading romantic novels? That would not pass the editor with her red pen!!

I have been in this situation - strong attraction to work colleague (who happened to be quite a bit younger and very handsome) and one day he said to me: "I want to f* you." I said "Well you can't!" We had a discussion about it and I said that he should regard the attraction as just a bit of icing on life's cake and that I was a married woman with children and a happy family and had no intention of destroying that. It was a slightly sensitive situation as he was actually fighting a serious life-threatening illness at the time. I think the fact that he had talked to me about it drew us together.

So .... feeling attractions is a part of life - it is what you do about it that matters - or more precisely what you DON'T do!!!

Regard the attraction as a bit of icing on life's cake - but do not let it destroy your life and those of the people you love.

Theblacksheepandme · 05/12/2022 09:18

Are you for real? You met a guy you want to shag, don't be trying to romantisise this. If you do shag him it's an affair plain and simple.

Sittingonabench · 05/12/2022 09:24

Protect your marriage - you’ve seen warning signs in yourself that could lead to a dangerous place. If you’re unhappy in your marriage deal with that. The whole follow your heart thing is massively overplayed and romanticised - most of the time it’s just chemistry and fizzles out quickly. However a marriage takes work and commitment - it’s not always going to give you a thrill but it provides stability for families and someone who will be in it with you whatever happens (ideally). For me that’s worth a lot more.

readingismycardio · 05/12/2022 09:25

If you don't want to be in a situation, you remove yourself from it. You said you love your husband, but is your marriage a happy one?

Jewel7 · 05/12/2022 16:31

Marriage can be boring. It’s a sign. A sign that you need to figure out what’s missing in your life. Work it out with your husband. Avoid being alone with the colleague? I think what your experiencing is lust.

LocSeeTan · 22/12/2022 22:18

It's called lust and it's a powerful force .
Walk away animal magnetism Is in our!DNA but doesn't always work in modet society.

Been there just one, late forties on the cusp of the menopause.

It's a strong emotion and can make you quite unhinged if you let it.

JeezLouiseErrrr · 22/12/2022 23:21

There are people who you feel a magnetic attraction without any obvious reason, they can even be not your typical type or both unavailable but you still feel that pull towards them. I don't think it's always reciprocated so I can't say if he also feels this way and so was planning it as a seduction trip.

I think given your attraction to him, you would be foolish to go on the trip because you might embarrass yourself, drink too much and then say or do too much. He might reciprocate the feelings and you have an affair and affairs rarely end up well particularly for the woman and more so if they are work affairs. He might be up for a casual ONS but doesn't feel emotionally as you do towards him and so you'll end up feeling hurt and then having to face him at work and deal with the lies and guilt of cheating.

I agree with the PP who said it's a sign something is missing. I think eyes tend to wander when you're bored with the monotony of life or stress is getting on top of you, crushes and affairs can be a distraction or escapism from the realities that you need to face (and fix) but it's more of an instant gratification to keep feeding the crush/lust loop feed in your mind than putting in the hard work to sort your life and marriage out.

SunflowerTed · 23/12/2022 05:33

DurhamDurham · 05/12/2022 08:27

-we both locked eyes after he said it and it felt like the longest time it was like he could read my soul it was bizarre

Sorry but you sound like a badly written novel GrinGrinGrin

Yes it’s very cringey!!

SunflowerTed · 23/12/2022 05:35

Veronica8 · 05/12/2022 09:03

Thanks the replies I actually feel sick to the stomach after reading them and realise it's pathetic of me.
It's just it's kind of awoken something me in one sense so I need to put that energy into my marriage.

It's easy to get bogged down by the day to day hum drum of life.

I am just trying to make sense of these feelings as its never happend before.
But ye are right it's play with fire and also I could be completely misreading the signs.

You’re just bored and middle aged. There are no feelings here. He is maybe trying to chance his arm to get his leg over on the trip

SideshowAuntSallly · 23/12/2022 05:58

Why do you assume him asking you on this work trip is anything but professional? Does your company often allow random employees to go on work trips because somebody wants their leg over?

PollyAmour · 23/12/2022 06:59

Stop trying to dress up a sordid and sleazy office affair as a fairytale romance. You fancy him, he fancies you. However, neither of you are single so to even contemplate shagging him is completely and utterly wrong in every sense of the world.

There's no harm in fancying other people when you're married, but don't act on your feelings.

I wouldn't mind betting you are one in a long line of conquests for your office romeo. He sounds as creepy as fuck.

Original poster
Veronica8 · 23/12/2022 08:43

@SideshowAuntSallly initially I didn't think anything of the suggestion and saw ìt merely as you say.. but as I started to think about certain situations I wondered could he be possibly as blatant and surely not. Of course males and females travel together all the time I have myself in the past and the thought never crossed my mind.
This feels different.
Note he hasn't brought it up since.

OP posts:
Original poster
Veronica8 · 23/12/2022 09:00

@PollyAmour he is so confident and charming no doubt I am not the first and won't be the last your right.

OP posts: