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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband booked holiday with friends, when baby will be 6-8 weeks. Is this unreasonable?

64 replies

Kardelen · 03/12/2022 20:50

DH said he will be going on 3 day holiday with his friends in April, and I’m due end of feb. We also have a 20 month old.
I always wanted to go on holiday together but due to covid/pregnancies/baby wasn’t able to. I had a go at him and he said I can go with them if I want (but obviously that wouldn’t be comfortable).

anyway, he told me they booked it even tho I didn’t give my consent to or had a proper discussion. surely we should’ve discussed something like this. I understand he wants to go with his friends and this is one opportunity, but just feeling annoyed that I can’t just leave the children and go when I want to?

OP posts:
category12 · 03/12/2022 20:54

I'd plan to fuck off and leave him with the kids on his own for a few days at some point, see how he likes those apples.

Original poster
Kardelen · 03/12/2022 20:57

The issue is as I plan on breast feeding, it’s gonna be real difficult to leave

OP posts:
Joshanddonna · 03/12/2022 20:57

It's fair but you need to plan a break.

toomuchlaundry · 03/12/2022 20:58

Have you never had a holiday together?

Original poster
Kardelen · 03/12/2022 21:00

We did, a small getaway after we got married. And another car trip for a few days last March. We did go to visit family abroad, but that included with his family and my family so I don’t think that counts as a holiday.

OP posts:
Imamessybugger · 03/12/2022 21:00

Fuck that's awful. That's first sleep regression time to. What if you have pnd?! He's not your "D" h that'd be divorce material for me!!! Bloody hell!

Original poster
Kardelen · 03/12/2022 21:01

It’s only 3 nights but it’s just annoying

OP posts:
BuffaloCauliflower · 03/12/2022 21:01

Is he usually selfish?

PritiPatelsMaker · 03/12/2022 21:02

That's absolutely shocking of him.

Can you plan a couple of days away before baby arrives and leave him home with DC1?

Imamessybugger · 03/12/2022 21:02

No that's not normal.

Original poster
Kardelen · 03/12/2022 21:02

I don’t have any annual leave sadly, as I booked to take before maternity leave

OP posts:
PritiPatelsMaker · 03/12/2022 21:04

It's more than annoying OP. It's selfish beyond measure.

Remaker · 03/12/2022 21:05

YANBU. Arranging something like that without discussing it is disrespectful.

My DH’s was best man for his best friend on the other side of the world the year we had our 2nd child (2 kids under 2). He went away for a bucks week and then for the wedding. About 3 weeks in total. But it was a mutual decision. We arranged for my mum to come and stay to help. He sent flowers to say he was thinking of us and brought back gifts for everyone. And then I had a bank of kid free time he owed me so I would go away with my friends for long weekends a couple of times a year.

cushioncovers · 03/12/2022 21:06

He didn't discuss it with you because he knew you wouldn't be happy about it, that would annoy me more than him being away for 3 nights.

bumpytrumpy · 03/12/2022 21:09

I think this depends on the overall balance of your relationship. 3 nights is not that long really - you title made it sound like a fortnight in Spain.

However the fact you haven't had a holiday at all makes it unfair. Can you get away before baby arrives, even if just Friday - Monday? Do you work full time? TBH in late pregnancy no one would bat an eyelid at a sick day or 2.

Or after baby is born, say 5-6 months before weaning you could take baby away and leave DH with toddler - that would still be a break probably!

ninjafoodienovice · 03/12/2022 21:12

Just tell him he's taking the toddler, no discussion - much like he didn't discuss it with you

DucklingDaisy · 03/12/2022 21:13

Can’t believe people are defending this. I have an 11 month old and a 3-year-old and my husband has only ever left me overnight for work trips, and he’s run it by me first. We’re at the stage now when I’d be ok with him going on a stag weekend or something, but no way would he just assume that.

A newborn baby is intense enough, a newborn baby and a toddler is hard even with two of you. Really selfish and thoughtless of him.

Managinggenzoclock · 03/12/2022 21:15

I would not have agree to that either and think it’s really unkind to leave you for something optional with a baby and a newborn.

Original poster
Kardelen · 03/12/2022 21:19

He’s cancelled the trip now. But I feel bad as he seemed to be looking forward to it

OP posts:
Aprilx · 03/12/2022 21:20

My husband and I don’t have young children to consider, but we would not book a trip away without the other ones full support. I think his timing is unforgivable and shows he has zero respect for your marriage.

Ivyblu · 03/12/2022 21:21

Managinggenzoclock · 03/12/2022 21:15

I would not have agree to that either and think it’s really unkind to leave you for something optional with a baby and a newborn.

I think for me the issue is him not discussing it. I think once you have a child especially for the mum you can forget yourself.

I wouldn't be against my OH having a 3 day break, however I too would expect the same 3 day break too! Balance...

Merlott · 03/12/2022 21:23

This is fucked up.

He shouldn't even have booked it in the first place.

Definitely spend more time out of the house yourself and leave him with the 20m old.

Don't go making packed lunches or laying out clothes or any of that shite either! Give him the full experience of parenting!

Be sure to moan when you come home that dinner's not ready and the house is a tip.. arf

Glendaruel · 03/12/2022 21:24

This doesn't seem fair on you. It's a tough time when you are just recovering and not being listened to. Also, worst case scenario of it doesn't go well and you ended up with c section, where recovery time is around 8 weeks.

MajorCarolDanvers · 03/12/2022 21:25

Kardelen · 03/12/2022 20:57

The issue is as I plan on breast feeding, it’s gonna be real difficult to leave

Go now before baby comes

Doowop1919 · 03/12/2022 21:29

Wow. That's awful. I'm due our second beginning of February. our first screamed for 4 months. BIL is wanting to arrange a weekend away with DH and their dad for their dad's birthday and wanted to do it February/March. Dh checked with me and asked if I'd be ok by June to be on my own for a night as he wanted to stick around for the first 4 months incase we had the same again. I'd be raging if he booked somewhere without speaking to me while we had a small baby and toddler.