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Original poster

Husband booked holiday with friends, when baby will be 6-8 weeks. Is this unreasonable?

64 replies

Kardelen · 03/12/2022 20:50

DH said he will be going on 3 day holiday with his friends in April, and I’m due end of feb. We also have a 20 month old.
I always wanted to go on holiday together but due to covid/pregnancies/baby wasn’t able to. I had a go at him and he said I can go with them if I want (but obviously that wouldn’t be comfortable).

anyway, he told me they booked it even tho I didn’t give my consent to or had a proper discussion. surely we should’ve discussed something like this. I understand he wants to go with his friends and this is one opportunity, but just feeling annoyed that I can’t just leave the children and go when I want to?

OP posts:
AllIwantforChristmas22 · 04/12/2022 10:11

As he is sad because his holiday got cancelled, could you plan a family holiday. Maybe later in the summer when Baby is older or September? Something for both of you to look forward to!

Redebs · 04/12/2022 10:11

I'm glad he's cancelled it.
What an arse to even think that was ok!!!

Tiredallofthetime · 04/12/2022 10:12

Oh god, this is totally what my DH does. He books things and then they are presented to me as ‘is this all right?’ I need to be a lot firmer and say actually you know what, it isn’t … but often by then money has changed hands and also in isolation most things would be all right, it’s the fact there’s always something that is pissing me off!

So it isn’t just you, OP. I’m glad he cancelled it Flowers don’t feel bad.

BestSelfBlah · 04/12/2022 10:16

He is being horribly selfish.

Original poster
Kardelen · 04/12/2022 10:37

Even if others stay overnight it won’t be the same isn’t it? Like I won’t feel
comfortable and they also don’t know toddlers sleep routine which will mean he will stay up/be fussy untiL I deal with him/sleep with him.

OP posts:
startfresh · 04/12/2022 10:42

Usually these threads have a bunch of people saying it's ok. What's going on?

My DH was recently in a similar situation. He said no, which I'm relieved about as who knows what the postnatal phase will be like with a toddler.

Eleganz · 04/12/2022 10:47

It's only okay if it is discussed and agreed beforehand and you are both happy with the arrangements. This did not happen, and your DH needs to get with the programme pretty quickly about this.

category12 · 04/12/2022 10:47

Kardelen · 04/12/2022 10:37

Even if others stay overnight it won’t be the same isn’t it? Like I won’t feel
comfortable and they also don’t know toddlers sleep routine which will mean he will stay up/be fussy untiL I deal with him/sleep with him.

If you've got help, then him going doesn't seem so bad - I'm sure you can tell them the usual routine. I still think it's very early for him to bugger off, but it's only a couple of nights.

As long as if positions were reversed, he'd be OK with you going off, and at some point you put that to the test.

SallyAnn32 · 04/12/2022 10:49

My ex used to pull shit like this. It's unfair on you. Breastfeeding or not, it's knackering and you need some support

Fidgety31 · 04/12/2022 10:53

He probably didn’t discuss it with you because he knew you’d give him a hard time about it .

Thats a rubbish communication style and will cause ongoing problems in your relationship.

Clymene · 04/12/2022 10:55

They are both your children. Which means you don't just go off and leave them without discussion.

You are not default childcare. You are supposed to be partners.

I'm slightly confused about why you're still asking about this when he's cancelled. Has he actually cancelled? Are you feeling that you should give him your blessing?

Most men don't do this.

roundthehorn · 04/12/2022 11:12

I hate to march out of tune, but a 3 day holiday is 2 nights away and not really a big deal. Even if your newborn is still unsettled you say you're planning to BF so you'll be the primary caregiver and it's not the end of the world if you stick the tv on for your toddler while you take care of baby. If you're feeling overwhelmed by the thought of parenting the two of them alone could you arrange for a friend or family member to come stay?
Your husbands trip is still 5 months away, you have no way of knowing how you'll be feeling closer to the day, if I were you I'd flag this as a possible problem and see how you feel closer to to departure. You'll always have a 3 day break in the bank to pull out once you stop BFing and fancy a holiday yourself!

rookiemere · 04/12/2022 11:14

I think you're focusing too much on the practical aspect of this OP.
If he went, you would manage. You would probably surprise yourself at how well you would cope.
However he shouldn't have put you in that position. A family holiday should be top of the agenda, not him off on his solo jollies weeks after the baby is born. He has cancelled and that's an end to it.

Rainbowqueeen · 04/12/2022 11:22

1 Family holidays should come first. Sure time with friends is important but the family unit is more important
2 Holidays with friends should be discussed and agreed to. Not booked with no discussion.

Don’t feel bad OP. He should never have booked without discussing it with you first. Life is full of events and trips that get missed due to other equally important and wonderful events - like the arrival of your second child

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