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Original poster

What goes on inside the mind of a man?

64 replies

Itsjustamoment · 03/12/2022 20:43

I met a man 10 weeks ago and we started a relationship. It was very intense right from the off. Lots of messaging and seeing one another every weekend (he works away)
He was saying all the right things, I ticked all his boxes, I was his amazing woman etc etc. I think we both fell hard.
Now just recently, circumstances have dictated that we haven't been able to see each other for 3 weeks. We were still messaging daily, still with the pet names and the I miss yous.
I was due to see him tonight, I woke to a message this morning basically saying that he doesn't know why his feelings for me are on and off at the moment, he's feeling too much pressure, something doesn't feel right and he doesn't want to see me again!!
I've been absolutely blindsided by this. I know the relationship was very new but I thought we were good. Last night he couldn't wait to see me. What on earth has gone on??

OP posts:
frozendaisy · 03/12/2022 20:46

Told you want you wanted to hear.
He's found someone else online?

He will then tell her what she wants to hear.

My advise next time someone starts with pet names and you tick all my boxes early on respond too much too soon. Don't fall for it again.

5128gap · 03/12/2022 20:47

He's in a relationship and they're sidpicious, or he was seeing someone else at the same time as you and has decided to be exclusive with them. Or he's met someone new in the 3 weeks apart.

category12 · 03/12/2022 20:47

Too much too soon should always set off alarm bells.

Pictograph · 03/12/2022 20:52

Take it a bit slower next time OP. I think he was love bombing you.

Maze76 · 03/12/2022 21:10

You’ve been loved bombed- I had a similar experience, it sucks but take it as a lesson, you know what to look out for next time.

Igglepiggleslittletoe · 03/12/2022 21:19

Maybe his wife found out?

Original poster
Itsjustamoment · 03/12/2022 21:26

I really don't think he's married for several reasons really....
This really does suck. I'm so confused.

OP posts:
Purplecatshopaholic · 03/12/2022 21:28

He was love bombing you op. He’s now met someone else and is currently doing the same to them. It’s a lucky escape but understandably you won’t feel that right now. Sorry you are going through this.

Original poster
Itsjustamoment · 03/12/2022 22:06

What do men get out of love bombing? Whats the end goal?
I really don't understand all these silly games.

OP posts:
CherrySocks · 03/12/2022 22:09

The end goal is sex I expect.

BestSelfBlah · 03/12/2022 22:14

Who cares what's going on in his mind?

He had his chance and he's blown it Op.

You are better than this. Block him and move on, you won't regret it knowing your worth.

holierthanthou73 · 03/12/2022 22:17

Why are you so sure he’s not married ?

AnyFucker · 03/12/2022 22:20

You’ve been love bombed and future faked (as they say)

Don’t be so naive next time. Something that seems too good to be true, well…now you know

Jefferz54 · 03/12/2022 22:25

I don't understand this fakery/loveboming either....why not just go to a prostitute or via a site specifically for ONS/FWB....why mess with people's minds...

category12 · 03/12/2022 22:26

What could he possibly get out of lovebombing?

  • Ego boost,
  • sex,
  • feeling desirable and loveable,
  • power trip
  • happy hormones

I don't think everyone who lovebombs does it in a deliberate, thought-out way, some probably really enjoy the rush of lust & new relationship energy and just ride it. But it's not based on anything much so nect thing you know they're off on the next high. And some do do it as a manipulative thing.

Either way, if it's too much too soon from anyone, you should remember to keep your feet on the ground.

C1N1C · 03/12/2022 22:31

Put out, get out.

Yep, usually happens with the younger better looking guys... cast a wide net, convince one you're serious so they'll put out, maintain the others and get out when you snag another.

Typically the less attractive guys (less confidence) are more reliable as they're more grateful. Just from what I've seen :).

Onnabugeisha · 03/12/2022 22:32

Fuck bois get bored after a month or two. You lasted 7 weeks. He’s done with you. Sorry to be blunt, but you’ve been had and need to just forget about him.

If you want someone serious a good way to weed out most fuck bois is to not have sex for first two months you’re seeing them. Most will give up and move on to a easier lay. This isn’t fool proof though as some of them will have women on the back burner that they are nudging along to move to front burner when they’re bored of the ones they are currently fucking. It simply reduces the risk.

Youre not stupid or naive, you’ve been taken advantage of by a romance con. It sucks and hurts and I wish the world were not like this.

Original poster
Itsjustamoment · 04/12/2022 00:47

Thank you all for the insight, it was eye opening!!
I'm not and have never been a game player so unfortunately I don't understand the rules.

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 04/12/2022 00:53

I think you’ve got to really take your time. No matter how perfect you think someone is and how much you click and spend time with them, they’re still a stranger. You don’t really know them, nor them you. Irritations and niggles may creep in later, even if they’re not playing games.

TracyBeakerSoYeah · 04/12/2022 00:58

Attachment issues or just a plain stupid idiot.

Just remember you haven't done anything wrong & it's not your fault!
You deserve better & will get someone that's better for you
Big unMumsnetty hugs 🤗

Original poster
Itsjustamoment · 04/12/2022 01:04

I understand irritations creeping in later. I get it. But ffs don't tell someone you can't wait to see them then dump them by message 12 hours later.

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 04/12/2022 01:05

Pet names are a bit of a red flag for me multiple woman can be called the same pet name with no slip ups

LadyAstor · 04/12/2022 01:13

Theunamedcat · 04/12/2022 01:05

Pet names are a bit of a red flag for me multiple woman can be called the same pet name with no slip ups

This

Dont trust any man who calls you:

Angel
Gorgeous
Babe
Sexy

Disclaimer: this is my experience with players.

TracyBeakerSoYeah · 04/12/2022 01:14

@Itsjustamoment I really feel for you. It happens a lot. Happened to my best friend.
4 month relationship he was talking about her being the one & a holiday was booked (he organised it) then overnight she want from being the best thing ever to sorry I can't do this.

She was introduced to his friends & grown up children. Everyone is mystified about what happened & there is no no else involved,
He just says he's better off alone with no one to care or worry about.
Friends ex had a traumatic upbringing & only one relationship before & suffers with depression.

That's why I suggested attachment issues.

CamillasToe · 04/12/2022 01:33

Yes it might be the lovebombing etc.

I also remember though when I was dating 20 odd years ago, we used to say you had to see if you'd make it past the 3 month mark which was the honeymoon period. After that the warm, rosey glow would start to wear off into something more realistic and you'd have to decide if you really wanted to continue. So perhaps it's that.

I'm sorry he let you down so abruptly.