When you were good enough, and then when you weren’t.

[Dollhouse78]

Just that really.
DH and I together since teens. Uni, travelled, marriage, children to be told that he wasn’t sure he was ever happy and that photos of him smiling were just that, a photo. DH has been having an affair for the past three months and really likes the OW. He doesn’t enjoy my company anymore. Funny that considering I work full time, keep the house and do the lions share of childcare.
So confused and terrified at the thought of splitting my children over two homes.

I’m sorry
he doesn’t get to cal the shots and dictate like that.
I’m afraid I’d be telling him to fuck off!

Seriously ignore the bs post about what you could have gone better to keep hold of your prize of a man... utter bloody nonsense.

Even with the women who meet their 'needs' (who laugh more, wear sexy undies more, put out more, cook dinners they like more, don't have young children to deal with are more 'amenable') they're still 3-4 times more likely to cheat than someone who has never cheated. Men like your husband are flawed. Has little to do with you or your marriage.

And I can tell you that if you do take him back under those terms it will break your soul.

Reconciliation after an affair does NOT look like that. If he's not moving heaven and earth to repair the damage he's still a huge risk, and you will not heal from this affair.

Op you don’t seem to be angry with this man. In fact it seems that you are passively accepting that cheating and lies is part of your marriage.

He will ‘work on things’ if the ow marriage doesn’t break down? And this sits ok with you?

Get mad.

What does 'he'll work on us' actually mean in his mind? It sounds like you do well more than your fair share and he's not especially inclined to do more, but he wants you to magically invent some more hours in the day in which you can get to the gym, go out for drinkies, get your nails done and rediscover your sense of self... all so you can also be a lot more attentive to him.

I wouldn't be letting this selfish man grudgingly move back in because he has nowhere else to go. He can find his own place and start doing 50/50 care and see how much time he has for his own hobbies and fitness and dating then.

I am angry but more empty and confused. If I challenge my DH, he just says I drove him to the affair and that I am controlling. He moved back in over the weekend. He lost a close family member to and my family told me that he needed people around him. I honestly just feel like packing a suitcase and going to the airport with my DC. Now, DH is back home - he spent the weekend going to the gym and going for a six hour cycle. I had to take DD to an emergency dental appointment yesterday morn and when I came back he as already at the gym. He just doesn’t care about anyone other than himself.

@Dollhouse78 do you think his behaviour is showing that he wants to work at it or that you need to accept it? It screams 'put up and shut up'. There will be more infidelity. I've been there.

He needs to experience the consequences of his actions. You need to separate with a view to divorcing. If he cares, he will put in the effort then. And then you can decide what you want to do.

Why are you letting your family decide anything?