Am I a Wendy?

[KatherineClifton7]

Friend A has been friends with Friend B for years and recently invited us both to an event. We hit it off and have met a couple of times just us. Friend A doesn’t live near us.

Friend A has now sent me a tirade accusing me of meeting you with B without her, saying she would never do that to me and how hurt she is, and how I’m prioritising my new friendship. I sent a truly apologetic message back but now seeing red as she has doubled down and is still insulting me.

who is in the wrong here?

A is in the wrong clearly.

She's not a very nice person to be insulting you either I'd end the friendship personally.

What is a Wendy? I don't understand the apology as you should be allowed to meet with friends separately and together especially if you live nearer some friends than others.

As someone previously explained on here (I didn't know before)

"It means you introduce a person you're friends with to you other friends, next thing you know everyone else is best buddies and no one wants to bother with you. The new person "Wendied" you."

No, I don't think so.

The Wendy would be attempting to exclude the other friend entirely, and deliberately, I think. Am happy to be corrected, though.

Yes you are a Wendy. You could have invited friend along despite her living far away just to give her an opportunity to say no.

How faraway does friend A live? If close enough to be able to meet up at the same time, then yes you are being a bit of a wendy..

Friend lives two hours away

I've met lots of friends through other friends, it's completely normal.

Thank you @MarshmallowsOnToast.

So your not allowed to get on with and make new friends because it will upset friend a? That's not how it works

I think it would of been polite to invite her, perhaps she would of turned it down anyway as she lives far away. However I think she's being ott by insulting you.

Even if you live close by - by inviting friend B out and excluding Friend A based on your own assumption that she can't make it based on the distance. You didn't give Friend A an option and thereby did exclude her, which wasn't very nice.

You say yourself - you all met up only RECENTLY and you hit it off with friend B and met up a COUPLE of time since, does that mean not inviting friend A to any of those meet ups.

Also, who did the inviting first without friend A, I am thinking it was you, has friend B started now inviting to see you without Friend A.

You are entitled to meet up with whomever you wish - but it does appear that you purposely didn't invite friend A - using her location as an excuse.

I can understand why Friend A is hurt.

Have you invited friend A to the things you and B went to? Could she have made them if you had?

If so then you're a Wendy (although I hate that term with a passion)

Making friends through friends is a perfectly normal thing to do and you don't need permission from the person that introduced you to meet up again.

Friendships with people that live close by are inevitably going to be different to long distance friends. Its hard to be fair, a quick coffee isn't going to be possible with a 2 hour journey for example.

I don't see what you've done wrong here and friend A sounds immature.

The only way to resolve this, is to invite her every time. You know she won't cone half the time, because she lives so far away.

So I think the first few meetings you could have invited friend A and then proceeded to meet B alone after

so yeah it’s a bit wendyish to meet
someone through another mate once and then the next things you’re besties having meet ups without even acknowledging friend

but I’d not insult you and fall out over it, just notice it’s the kind of thing you do. But i dunno if I could be arsed with the whole drama of it

God, I’m so glad I’m not 15 anymore 🙄

I can see why she is upset, you should have invited her even if you knew she’d be unable to make it. It’s really not very nice to exclude someone when clearly she’s made the effort to include you in the past.

Thank fuck being a Wendy wasn't a thing when I was a teenager as its actually my name. It's as bad as the Karen connotations.

And in answer to the Op, no you've not done anything wrong.

The term ' Wendy' did originate from an old thread here? I think I remember the very thread though I may be completely mistaken in that.

The problem is that arranging a meet up with someone local can be very different to a distance friend. It can be a last minute thing that just comes up when you're having a conversation and it turns out you've both got some free time at the same time.

Meeting distance friends can also be fun but it's less spontaneous, takes planning, usually has to be done ahead of time. Is it really worth phoning someone 2 hours away to say "B and I are meeting for a quick coffee at x cafe" when it's obvious that they aren't going to be able to make it without access to a time machine or teleporter?

Beat me to it 😂

How about you don’t use a woman’s name as an insult?! “A Wendy” 🙄🤬 First all the women called Karen had to change their names, now you’re coming after Wendy, what next?

Anyway as to the meetups you should as a courtesy have invited A when you started meeting up with B. You were rude and excluded her deliberately. Yes A lives far away but you should have invited her and left it to her is she wanted to come.

TIL I'm a Wendy.

Isn't it normal to make friends through mutual friends? Wouldn't it be weird to not pursue a friendship because some else was their friend first? I love it when I get to introduce people who I think will get on and they do.

It's a very common way to meet people. It's weird that people are so possessive over friendships, I'm happy to see my friends getting along.