I think I found a mini vibrator in my car

[howdoIhandlethissituation]

Obviously name changed.

Context: late 40s, married 20 years, two dcs late teens still at home. Sexless marriage for 5 years. Before that very unsatisfactory. No intimacy.
No communication other than day-to-day running of the home and family.
I've checked out but so has he, long ago.
Basically I gave up trying (aka banging head against a brick wall), spent several years getting quite depressed, then went on antidepressants, hrt and had therapy.
Feel better about life in general and in myself, but still not brave enough to fall it a day on my marriage, for the usual reasons: fear of the unknown, upheaval for dcs, financial implications (not dire but scary all the same).

Today I found what I think is a mini vibrator in the compartment on the inside of the driver's door of our shared car. The dcs don't drive. Dh and I are the only ones who could have put it there and it wasn't me. I have never even seen one but it's metallic, pink, about 4 inches long, looks like a bullet and has an AAA battery. Nothing happens when I press the button but I can't think of anything else it could be.

As it was in the car I assume he's been using prostitutes.

So, how do I handle this?

My plan is to try a new battery tomorrow to confirm what it is.

Then check bank account for cash withdrawals.

Advice?

Haha my first thought too. Id be washing my hands in bleach, especially if i thought prostitute.

Or should I say friend 🤣

On a serious note I’d show him and just ask but that’s me as a person

Yawn.

😂😂😂

OP, I unearthed a pink vibrator once when I was moving a chair in my sitting room for a neighbour to sit down. I was mortified and she was very British and pretended it wasn't there. When one of the DC came home later, they said, "Oh, that's where that was". It wasn't a vibrator at all, though I now can't for the life of me remember what it actually was. So it may well be something else. I generally assume that whatever I find lying around belongs to either one of my DC or one of their friends (all 17+).

If both of you have checked out of the marriage then really you need to sit down and talk about parting ways.

Purple, I am literally crying with laughter!! 😂

I hope you washed your hands after picking that up 🤮

Honestly and not that you asked, but still OP I hope he has been having an affair and that this prompts you to finally leave this sham of a marriage in which you neither have variously, the communication, intimacy nor sex that you deserve.

We are a long time dead darling. This relationship in which you admit he has checked out years ago is so much less than you deserve.

Get those bloody ducks in a row. A better life and the hills are both that way 》》》》》

Are your DC ever passengers in the car? Could it have fallen out of one of their bags or pockets? Not sure why it really matters anyway given you’ve both checked out of the relationship- chuck it in the bin, leave your husband and start living your life again.

stop it 🤣

None of mine use N, I don't even know what 'N' is, mine use AA or AAA.

Get in the 21st century, they're now USB powered!

Sorry for the op for what you are going through but omg i just laughed the gin right out of my mouth:

poster a: I wouldn’t touch it if I were you that’s disgusting
poster b: bet he’s putting it up his bumhole
poster c: no sex worker would touch that must be an affair
poster d: put it in your mouth i bet it tastes like berries

My first thought was it belongs to one of the kids. They don’t drive no, but they don’t need to to find somewhere available/ hidden for what they needed a bullet for! Regardless, the vibrator, assuming it is one, is the least of ops problems sadly.

Yeah, sexworkers certainly wouldn't be using sextoys that aren't their own. They are incredibly clean, contrary to popular belief.

He's either using it to stick inside himself, or he's got someone else to play with and it's ended up in the car.

It may sound 'fishy' but it is true.

I have taken a photo of it next to a pen to show its size and have repeatedly tried to post it but for whatever reason it won't work.

I'm not new but not a prolific or long-standing member either.

Anyway, I now know what it is, and am very sure it's nothing to do with my teens.

The thing is, dh doesn't use the car that often. Neither of us do, actually.

I think I'm going to do a bit of phone snooping and try and process it all before saying anything.

Thanks for the advice. I will follow up when I have decided what to do.

😅

Thanks for the info- the ol'feller will be delighted!

I'd guess self-pleasure, as a pp suggested.

DON'T PUT IT IN YOUR MOUTH!!!

Why do you think it’s nothing to do with your teens?

Under the circumstances do nothing for now. Plan. Decide what you want. Then address.