I think I found a mini vibrator in my car

[howdoIhandlethissituation]

Obviously name changed.

Context: late 40s, married 20 years, two dcs late teens still at home. Sexless marriage for 5 years. Before that very unsatisfactory. No intimacy.
No communication other than day-to-day running of the home and family.
I've checked out but so has he, long ago.
Basically I gave up trying (aka banging head against a brick wall), spent several years getting quite depressed, then went on antidepressants, hrt and had therapy.
Feel better about life in general and in myself, but still not brave enough to fall it a day on my marriage, for the usual reasons: fear of the unknown, upheaval for dcs, financial implications (not dire but scary all the same).

Today I found what I think is a mini vibrator in the compartment on the inside of the driver's door of our shared car. The dcs don't drive. Dh and I are the only ones who could have put it there and it wasn't me. I have never even seen one but it's metallic, pink, about 4 inches long, looks like a bullet and has an AAA battery. Nothing happens when I press the button but I can't think of anything else it could be.

As it was in the car I assume he's been using prostitutes.

So, how do I handle this?

My plan is to try a new battery tomorrow to confirm what it is.

Then check bank account for cash withdrawals.

Advice?

?

Where would you prefer he did it?

or simply click add image button, click photo library, select the pic

Sounds like a blessing, motivation to call it a day

Still can't get it to post, but it looks exactly like the one Nancienoo posted.

Dead elf bar? maybe where they go for the wake after the funeral

Unless he is going for the really desperate, probably drug addicted and quite possibly trafficked girls that he picks up on the street, prostitutes would not allow clients to use random vibrators on them. I’m a survivor of the sex industry and obviously have huge issues with it anyway but I could not be in the same house as a man who pays the most desperate girls he can find for sex.

@hay5689 That was my FIRST thought 😂

Was thinking the same thing!

Yep love bullet put in his next cooked meal

What do you want to do? The man you’re not having sex with might be having sex in his car with someone else. Why are you inverting yourself into this? You’ve already said you’re only staying with him for the money.

I can see your picture OP and that is a disposable vape. I am 1000% as my boss uses exactly the same ones. If you put the black tapered end bit in your mouth and inhale, it will taste like berries.

are you going to have a conversation with him? What kind of outcome do you want from his answers?

a lot of men like a vibrator for solo/prostate massage. He might not be shagging in the actual car, but meeting someone elsewhere. Not that I think the car shagging is the issue, but it obviously seems to have perturbed you.

Is this OPS husband?! OP hasn't uploaded any photos

So...

"DH, whose is this vibrator I found in the car?"

or

"DH, who have you been having sex with in our car?"

or

"DH, I want a divorce for a lot of reasons, but finding a vibrator in our car is the latest."

Same 😂

OP hasn't uploaded any photos though? Someone else uploaded a photo on an Elf bar.

OP: Do NOT put any part of it in your mouth!!

I think she may be mixing it up with my pic? I’m going to shut up about elf bars now. OP hasn’t replied about DH vaping (secretly?) so can only assume it’s not that.

Rest assured, I won't be putting any part of it in any part of my body.

This is what I was thinking

I think you probably know if he's a sleeze and capable but I'd also think could it belong to one of your teens? fallen out a bag. However I would just ask, you found it in the car and wait to see what he says.

Just leave it on the counter top (once you've extracted it with gloves hands) and watch him clock it

Elf bars don’t take AAA batteries just saying 😂

What does it matter if he has been cheating or not? The marriage has been dead for years. Either leave or continue to put up with the status quo out of fear and security reasons. But an affair doesn't have any impact on the status of the current non-relationship. There really isn't anything to do in this situation unless you want to leave, which you already have plenty of reasons for even without this discovery.