He suggested ‘we’ start going to the gym

[Starlight31]

Hi my boyfriend has suggested that ‘we start going to the gym and get in shape.

he has gained a stone in the 3 months we’ve been dating. I haven’t gained any weight - I’m just under 9 stone and I’m 5ft4 and wear size 8 to 10 clothes. I walk my dog about 3 hours every day and I go to Pilates every week.

I took this to mean he wants me to lose weight and he was like no I didn’t say that I mean be healthy as we might want to have children soon and need to be as healthy as possible. I pointed out I already do lots and he was like you do no exercise and Pilates doesn’t count. He said I should be doing cardio like running or cycling. I asked him was he going to the gym then and he said he might do stuff at home.

it’s really knocked my confidence. I can’t stop thinking I’m fat now and need to lose weight. He has certainly gained weight and doesn’t seem to do any exercise whatsoever and yet he’s harping on at me about this and saying I would probably do badly on a bleep test

How do you have 3 hours a day to walk your dog?? (I'm jealous)

The only cardio you need to do is sprinting away from this man.

That's the only exercise you need!

'You're right, I could do with dropping some weight. What are you? About 15 stone? Great, that'll do. Off you f*ck then, dont let the door hit you on the way out!'.

Take him to pilates class, then he'll learn it does "count".

Probably wants an accountability buddy, i suggest this to my mates as sometimes it helps to have a buddy.

Don't understand if his "we" means "you" but babies after 3 months? absolutely not. Cardio - yes, desirable. But he is the porker not you and he's saying YOU need to go to the gym and he doesn't? He sounds mad or manipulative.

I'd dump him and then I'd send him a gym voucher to soften the blow xD

Three months in and now his true nature starts to properly emerge.

This is all controlling behaviour from him and a huge red flag you cannot or must not ignore. Controlling behaviour is abusive behaviour and is about power and control.

He needs to be dumped as of now.

It sounds like he wanted to do something together as a couple.

He just doesn't want to go on his own is all and has expressed it the wrong way.

😂😂😂 love this!

Him wanting to go the gym together is definitely it your issue here - the fact he’s talking about having children already is the main concern.

He's in luck then, cause you can break up as part of a couple!

He's afraid to go places on his own.
So he makes it about you.
He might be one of those people who won't do anything new unless a safe person is with them.
But to save face will avoid and make excuses and then blame you and say 'we' never go anywhere new and 'we' never go on holidays, etc, etc.

He doesn't want to go at all - he wants HER to go to go to the actual gym and he will vaguely do some bicep curls at home once or twice.

"He said I should be doing cardio like running or cycling. I asked him was he going to the gym then and he said he might do stuff at home."

@Starlight31 I asked him was he going to the gym then and he said he might do stuff at home. Is he suggesting you go to the gym but not him?

3 months? Tell him you look fab, and he can watch and weep as you walk away from him. At best he's a hypocrite but probably more sinister than that. Criticising you comes from his own insecurities, like putting a stone on.

Yep, as other posters have said, alarm bells ringing.

It sounds like negging, do not have children with this man after 3 months, have more confidence in yourself and your body, enjoy your future life without him.

What do you mean he suggested ‘we go to the gym’ and then he said he might do stuff at home?

If it’s together maybe he just thought it would be fun?

Sounds like he's a complete ignoramus to be honest. I think sometimes men say these things with no deeper thought about how it could be interpreted.

Walking 3 hours and day is plenty for cardiovascular fitness. There's absolutely no need to be able to run etc. as long as you're walking enough to increase your heart rate that's enough.

This early on in the relationship I think I'd run a mile.

Fun?? She's at the gym and he's 'do(ing) stuff at home'??!!! WTF are other people reading that they think this is bonding time for them.

He's trying to knock your self confidence so he feels better about his weight, rather than him actually doing stuff about his weight gain. He is not a keeper OP, it will just get worse.

I'd suggest several miles. But she might have to work up to that seen as she's not used to running.

I think you are making a massive leap in your head - it sounds like he just wants someone to go to the gym with to me.

Just tell him brisk walking counts for cardio (lots of people don't know that) and pilates covers strength training so no you don't want to go.

I'm with PP. If he means "this would be a fun thing for us to do together", that's fine. DH and I often went to the gym together before we had DC. If he means YOU should go to the gym and he is going to slob around at home (he's gained a stone in 3 months?!?) then get out of the relationship now.

Huge red flag on talking about children so soon. But re: the gym, it sounds like he just wants somebody to go with. The gym does not equal needing to lose weight. I used to love going to the gym with DP before we had our son. It was great for my overall health and I enjoyed that time with him. It was good to have a joint interest.

He doesn't mean to go to the gym WITH her though.

He means SHE should go.
and when she asked about HIM he said he 'might do some stuff at home'.