How much older would you date?

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Just curious what people think of this. I'm 45 and have been asked out by a man who is 62. He is fit, gorgeous, charming, kind, and very emotionally intelligent. I am very attracted to him but the age gap concerns me a bit. If this were to develop into something serious the age gap might be fine now but when I'm 55 he'll be 72 which concerns me. I have a high sex drive and sex is important to me- I'm not sure what 72 year men are like in that regard. Not being shallow- I know there is way more to a relationship than just sex that but it still matters to me. What would you do?

I’m 46 and my partner is 67. We’re together for two years and very happy. Our sex life is absolutely fine - 4 or 5 times a week.

Brilliant! thank you. I feel like I'd be missing out if I didnt at least take a chance with him

I understand your concerns, but also I say go for it. Who knows where it will lead? It might lead nowhere, it might lead somewhere! You might regret it if you don’t.

If you feel attracted to him then your instinct doesn’t seem to feel the same way your brain does, if that makes sense?! Can’t deny that attraction.

Also (this is TMI but saying it anyway) my parents are in their late 70s and at it like rabbits by all accounts! So should things develop into something more serious, you might be pleasantly surprised.

To answer your question - I would go for it!

Hmm....I'd have similar concerns with someone that much older. However, you don't yet know how he is between the sheets, so perhaps, if the connection is that good, it might be worth finding out. Then it's an easy decision if he's not that great at present. If he's presently good and has a healthy lifestyle, that makes it more tricky.you might find you have incompatible libido.

Previously had a very similar age gap and all was fine. Sex was amazing tbh, much better... must be age = experience?!

@Spellcheck Yes you are right. Plus, its rare for me to meet someone I really fall for and click with so well. Thank you

LOL at your parents but good for them!

@Opentooffers good point! sexual incompatibility can happen at any age

Arctic- Excellent to hear 😀

I'm 31 and wouldn't go above a 10 year age gap. Current partner is 38.

If I liked him like you do, I’d just go for it, see where it takes you. I mean we see all the time on mumsnet couples not having regular sex at all ages. Enjoy life for the moment not what the future might hold. I’m trying to follow that advice myself!

That makes sense at your age. I've found it's less and less important as I get older, but the age gap rule may shrink again as I myself get to 65+ (over 80 does sound a stretch right now!)

I'm 41 and can't remember the last time I dated someone my age or older. Always younger.

Definitely! Plus I’m finding it harder and harder to meet people I’m really compatible with so when it happens it’s kind of precious

Fair enough! But what if you met someone incredible and then found out they were much older than you realised? (Say they looked much younger)

I'm another one who says younger is better if you're a woman. Simply because ime men age much faster and lose their energy health and enthusiasm earlier than women. Which can be difficult enough if they're the same age as you, never mind older.
It doesn't matter how young they look or how youthful they present in the limited time you spend with them in the initial stages, their age will almost always show when you're spending a lot of time together, and you should typically expect a more restricted and slower pace of life than you'd have with a younger man. Many can be very grumpy and set in their ways too when they're over trying to impress you!
For some women a slower pace might be ok of course. But if you anticipate being the type of 55 year old who has bags of energy, still enjoys nights out, active holidays and so on, very few 70 year old men will match up to that.
The one couple I know with this gap live largely separate lives now. She still works, socialises and holidays with friends. He's retired and, in her words, 'potters and moans'. She's very unhappy and stays from obligation.

When I was 39. I dated a 46 year old man. He was old before is time and I had little hope for future dating!

When I was 44, I met a man who was 8 years older than me. He was also old. Some lifestyle related health problems, set in his ways and just a bit of an old man.

I'm 47 and with a man 12 years older than me now. Physically, yes, he is older than me and I'm aware of the increasing difficulties we may face as we age differently. But he is youthful in his outlook, kind, thoughtful and emotionally intelligent. These qualities are far more important to me than the thought of a dwindling sex life tbh.

It helps that we have very similar interests - we both like live music for a start and he's still found in the mosh pit - just not quite the middle of it anymore.

It's not ideal and I did quite a bit of thinking in the early stages about the age difference. And know he did too - he has always dated around his own age and was worried that the difference would be too great. But, actually, it's great.

I'd look closely at the sort of person he is and the qualities you're looking for. I always said that I wouldn't date more than 8 years older and ideally I still think that's the ideal maximum age difference but you what this man brings to my life is worth it.

For some women a slower pace might be ok of course. But if you anticipate being the type of 55 year old who has bags of energy, still enjoys nights out, active holidays and so on, very few 70 year old men will match up to

Blimey, I'm 55 and can't imagine any of my friends of a similar age giving up nights out or active holidays, because of our age! With lots of women having children later, plenty of women at 55 still have teenage, or younger, children and are certainly not at the settling into old age stage.

I'm 40 and if single would date a 60 year old.

I'm 46 and my DP of 3 years is 61. I was surprised when I found out his age as I thought he was 10 years younger. He's certainly fitter and more active than me!

Sometimes I do worry about the future, but I'd rather have him than not, he's very very lovely and makes me so happy.

10 years max for a long term relationship older or younger

But would happily have a fling with a bigger gap in either direction

Well yes. I'm 53 and feel much the same, hence my younger DP! I was just trying to be balanced as clearly there are women who are happy with much older men, so I assume they're either fond of a slower pace or happy to pursue separate lifestyles.

If he's that great and single at his age, there is something wrong with him.
Drink, gambling, womanizer, controlling, looking for a nurse with a purse

I’m 55 and my partner also 55. I’m the fittest I’ve ever been (triathlons and various sports with friends) and DH is totally uninterested in sport and is of average unfitness. However I know a handful of 75 year old blokes who are cycle mad and zooming left right and centre. I don’t think this is the norm for the age but it’s what I aspire to.

It really depends how he ages I guess and what his fitness levels are like.

It doesn't matter how young they look or how youthful they present in the limited time you spend with them in the initial stages, their age will almost always show when you're spending a lot of time together, and you should typically expect a more restricted and slower pace of life than you'd have with a younger man. Many can be very grumpy and set in their ways too when they're over trying to impress you

Thank you- I think you have pinpointed exactly what my concerns are and why I was initially hesitant.

@GreyCarpet Yes, you are right that there is more to life than sex but I have a high sex drive and its important to me. Its natural that sex settles down over time in any relationship but if it wasnt even there much at the beginning then personally I would struggle with that as its also an important part of intimacy for me. I also think I'd be tempted to stray if there was no sex at all. To some that might be shocking but I think its best to find someone you are sexually compatible with from the start for exactly these reasons.

I am 52 now and cannot imagine being with a 69 year old, I’d feel like that was with a different generation! I am with a 48 year old and that suits me much better.