How much older would you date?

[Thighlengthboots]

Just curious what people think of this. I'm 45 and have been asked out by a man who is 62. He is fit, gorgeous, charming, kind, and very emotionally intelligent. I am very attracted to him but the age gap concerns me a bit. If this were to develop into something serious the age gap might be fine now but when I'm 55 he'll be 72 which concerns me. I have a high sex drive and sex is important to me- I'm not sure what 72 year men are like in that regard. Not being shallow- I know there is way more to a relationship than just sex that but it still matters to me. What would you do?

5 years either side of my age.

I would be concerned about what would happen as you both age and I do not agree that age is just a number.

There’s 24 years between my DH and I. We’re very lucky as we still make love a lot, much more than when I was having sex with my first husband decades ago!
My DH is truly my soulmate, I didn’t even realise it was possible to feel like we do for each other.

I think it is hard to predict how things could go, but if you don't try you will never know.

I am seeing someone 6 years older, when we met she was a youthful late 50's, energetic, smooth skinned, great body. In the space of a year she has put on a lot of weight, suddenly aged (facially plus wrinkly arms etc), wants to stay home and needs to never be far from a loo when we go out. Someone recently referred to us as "bluerisotto and her mum were great guests" (I do look quite young for my age, at the moment...) 😭.

I love her madly but in all honesty it feels like dating someone in their late 60's and that's not quite what I thought I was originally signing up for. Energy wise it's just about OK as due to a health condition I need to pace myself a bit.

Anyway the point I am making is that there are points in life when people can suddenly age very quickly.
I am not sure what those points for men are but for women it is 50-52, mid to late 50's (apparently, this was news to me), and then for both sexes around 70 they start to look like elderly people. So if he is 62 just be prepared for a big change in 8 years or so.

You may or may not get that far, you might date, have a lovely time and then agree to call it quits for any number of other reasons. Life is full of surprises and if you don't have an urgent need to know he is the one then go with what your body is telling you. You are always free to choose differently down the line, you only owe him honesty.

His wife died of cancer so I'd be careful before you assume hurtful things about people you dont know...

15 year age gap here (I'm younger) and I love it 😀

@Bluerisotto thank you! I completely get where you're coming from and its a concern I share. I agree with you about honesty - which is exactly why I'm tryong to unpick this now rather than later on down the line when its too late.

Generally, I think men age quicker than women in attitudes, interests and personality. There's no way I would want an older man and I'm late 50's.

I'd try. It's a date. Don't overthink it. The best sex I've ever had was with a much older man, when I was in my 40s.

You can get men who can't perform even in their twenties and men much, much older who are completely fine. I recently had to break off a fling in the early stages because it was clear he had long term ED and PE issues, which I know would drive me crazy in the long term.

I'd say see how you go but maybe don't get too emotionally invested just in case you need to bail.

He was only three years older than me too.

He sounds lovely but please can you leave him in the pool for a woman nearer his age😉? I am feeling grumpy about the way women in their 50s and 60s are left with only the 70-80 year old men as they ones their own age are all after someone 20 years younger.

If we all boycotted older men we’d have a much better time of it overall.

Speak for yourself! I'm 50s and more than happy for men my age to be dating younger women (in the extremely unlikely event they can get one!) I'd much rather younger women left the younger men free for me!

Op@Thighlengthboots

Have you been through the menopause yet? If not, that could affect your current libido levels.

@xfan I'm peri menopausal but my libido seems to be getting stronger every year which is a bit weird 😏

@Thighlengthboots that's the perimenopause for you! Last gasp attempt by those ovaries! Enjoy ;)

I'm 34 and my dh is 42. Don't notice an age gap

Just forget the numbers and go with your gut feeling and enjoy each other's company

Libido is a very personal thing, I wouldn't write off a man on that basis down to his age. I'd give him a go, but bear in mind that frequency is likely to decline as he ages. That said, his experience will only increase!

However, I'm not looking for a long term committed relationship. If I was, the age gap might concern me, because he could be needing personal care in 10 years and I am NOT down with that.

Personally I'd only date six months older but that's cos I'm ancient and don't fancy old men.

In your circumstances I'd say that if you're happy with him enjoy it and don't fret about the future.

Anything could happen to any of us at any time, so don't waste happiness if you find it.

10 years older , 1 year younger. I’m 42

You are 45 with a high libido.
Why would you do this to yourself?
Obviously, a man loser in age will be a much better partner to you. Of course - no one knows, blah blah. But at 55 - you will not want to be with someone over 70.
Look at 70+ yos now - and imagine having sex with them. You won’t feel that much different in your 50s than you feel now.

And of course their performance declines with age, it’s just natural, Its unrealistic to expect something different.

But for now - you should of course go out with him and see how it all feels. Why not.
You don’t have to marry him after you have sex.

A lot of people are saying give it a go. But from the other side, it's not always that simple. Being in a relationship with a built in obsolescence is not an easy path. Particularly if you are perfect for each other in every other way, apart from the fact that one will turn into a very old person while the other is young.
You get on, one date turns into another, neither wants to end it because you're so happy, the years drift by, but with the inevitable separation hanging over you. No point in making plans for the future when one person's will look so different from the other's, there won't be a viable one. Meanwhile both are missing opportunities for meeting lifelong partners.
If you're happy to be with a 70 year old in your 50s, go for it. But if that doesn't appeal, you'll give yourself a much easier time if you give this one a miss.

@5128gap

Are there really THAT many potential life partners around?

There are lots of people you could settle for, but the idea that "we're missing out" is a falacy. It's the way dating apps make us feel, as if there is all this potential when in reality it's an illusion and most people are incompatible with most people (past the initial honeymoon period).

I work in a residential development the people there are between. 68 and 94. There is a huge difference in how they behave and its not always to do with ability. Some of the 80 year olds have busier schedules day and evening than I do in my early 50s. Some have 2 regular things on each week. One still holds down a full time job. A 90 year old is going on a solo cruise on Sunday says he can't wait 2 weeks of no cooking 😃

So it depends on the person. For me I would go for it as for me its about that person and what they can bring to my life not their age.

My point was that all the time we are spending in a relationship we know won't last, we are losing time to find one that might. Assuming that's what we want of course.
It's not about settling, as your age gap partner may be perfect. At the moment.
Its more about the recognition that there will come a point when that's likely not to be the case. At late 40s and 70s for example.
The prospect of aging out of your relationship at late 60/70, or whenever the gap starts to really show, then being alone, is not particularly appealing. While the younger partner is taking themselves out of the market during 'prime' years when meeting people is easier.
And how much potential there is out there varies enormously from person to person dependent on what you're looking for and your ability to attract people who have it.