join me for an orgy of pettiness and ingratitude

[Cappuccino]

So as some of you already know I am quite ill and my mother has heroically stepped into the breach to help

She has been looking after my children for four months and particularly the last fortnight when dh has been away on a residential course and I would NOT have coped without her

she retired four years ago and decided to move to the city that dh and I have settled in as she was widowed and wanted to help with the grandchildren

she lets me sleep in the afternoons, helps with breakfast times, bedtimes, etc; we went away to a hotel at the weekend to give us a 'break' with the children

I am tremendously grateful, honestly I truly am, and I am BEYOND LUCKY in every way

but she is starting to do my nut in

seriously

I am a Bad Person

You are not a bad person! Everyone's Mum does their nut in occassionally!

Didn't realise you are poorly - sorry to hear it.

what's wrong with you?

Oh sympathy.

It would drive me bonkers too.

You're not a bad person - mums do have an unfailing ability to wind us up even when they're being nice

What's wrong Cap?

post-viral fatigue suzy

am on mend I think but it is v slow

but it is really petty

for example, whenever I say "I can't find so-and-so thing" the first thing she says, really quickly, is "I haven't had it!"

and then it turns out to be in her bag or something

it's tiny really compared to spending hours of time looking after my children

oh and also every conversation ends up with her talking about her first marriage or what my all-knowing grandmother said

you are being petty
but it's better out (on MN) than in

hope you are feeling better soon

well if you are I am too
my mum was a massive help after dd was born and I was all wobbly and anaemic and useless
but she also drove me INSANE at times
cooking lovely meals but wrecking the kitchen in the process
not being able to make a decision about food or whtever without consulting me eg how many potatoes should I cook?
I DON'T CARE

oh dear I am a very Very Bad Person

yes is petty I know this

today it was 'Is your dh like that because of the way his dad was when he was a child?"

no he is 38 fgs; besides I think that after 15 years together we have had a lot of influence on each other

well you are just like you were when you were a child I don't think dh has had any effect on you

I don't know how I am supposed to respond to this. I know it is her getting pissed off that I don't rate her influence as a primary factor on my every waking move

oh go on then, I 'll join in too
my mother was here for a month, shot her mouth off constantly with her non stop verbal diarrheao, overtly favoured ds2 over ds1, didn't lift a finger and stuffed chips and cream cakes down her throat then she and my dad gave us 5k towards a new car

I am a bad person too if you are

Capp, do not beat self up. This is programmed into our genes. Mum is the only one who can help, but she may just end up being killed in the process.

sorry to hear about post-vf. Is it ME or is that not allowed nowadays? (my sis and aunt both had it)

oh god yes suzy now we're on a roll

my mum gave us £5000 towards our first house and then lent us £10000 interest free towards the renovations on our second one

and then she dares to tell me I should give my children milk instead of orange juice inthe morning

what gives her the right

i think anyone would irritate me if they lived with me for 4 months. no matter how florence nightingale/mother theresa they were.

Wharrafarkinliberti

my mum also gave us 5k towards the building of the Wong Wing, and I knew I just KNEW that she would want me to name precisely what her money went towards. SO I told her she bought us the roof and she was pink with pleasure over the implication of giving us a roof over our heads. I have to go now as I feel all 14 again.

Aww Cap I did know you had been ill, didn't realise how bad though. It's a natural thing that our mothers are programmed to love us(in most cases) and irritate us in equal measure. mine now lives a 7 hour drive away but "does my heid in" on an almost daily basis.

mine likes to 'do a little cleaning' when she's down. How dare she? That dust has been here as long as we have, and it's my dust. And everything has been put back 2cm out of line.

But she does cook luverly stuff. And darn things.

yes suzy I feel like 17 year old

"you never listen to me"

it's a bit depressing to think we'll be irritating the bejaysus out of our own kids in a similar fashion in later life

is there ANY way to avoid this?

oh peaty my mum is terrible cook

nothing stirs dread into our hearts more than "Why don't you come to mine for tea, you've had a lot on"

oh please no

[ungrateful cow]

catissleepy my friend and I have wondered about that at length

I think at some point you harden into a madwoman and you don't notice

definitely my mum is turning into my granny and she doesn't seem to see it

it will come to us all

If you weren't getting a bit irritated it'd be highly unusual and you'd be either saintly or blank.

Mothers just do have that ability to induce nail clawing, bottom clenching, teeth grinding frustration.

My mum (although, you know, great) does this by
a. ranting about my dad and how little he did to help.
b) saying 'it's a shame you inherited my lack of forehead' or 'your eyes aren't your best feature or 'you've put weight on in your face.
c) saying 'you MUST scrub the skirting boards in the bathroom with bleach - they need doing!.
d) Oh god, dd has a temperature! (always says it and she never does have one)
e) when dd does have a temperature 'oh god, i think she's shying away from the light - is it MENINGITIS?!

ah that makes sense
see, at the moment I make a conscious effort not to behave like my mother
but if I am less careful I can feel myself doing the same sort of things
so sooner or later I will stop making the effort and not even realise what I am doing
oh dear god

Sometimes I try to be a nicer person but try as I might I can't stop mean thoughts coming in to my head. I try to convince myself that as long as I don't verbalise them it will be ok but I do think I was programmed badly.

Some people seem to genuinely think well of all people all of the time.

at Boco

Capp, if you were in NW Scotland I'd send my ma over with her stew and dumplings and haggis.

No, robin3, they can't. They must internalise everything and then go mad at some later date.

or am I just a cow?

Boco - that's how my mum goes on.
I tell her Ds1 has a headache.
Am I sure it's a headache.
yes I'm sure
How do you know it's not meningitis?
I just do
Have you taken him to the doctor
No
Why not

and on and on she goes until in the end I say I will take himt to the doctors. of course I don't, but then she calls up wanting to know what the doctor said, and how does HE know it's not meningitis and why didn't he send him to hopsital?