Red Flags?

[happytimesahead22]

Hi,

Posting here as I don’t have anyone else really to talk to or help at the moment.
I’m heavily pregnant and have slowly been suffering more and more aches which has started to turn into PGP. I can barely walk today and just have to do a weird shuffle, dragging my leg.

I have a toddler DS who’s very attached to me so always wants me on the floor playing with him. DH works every other weekend which involves 3 late nights in a row and then more nights in the week so still lots of lifting/carrying of DS which isn’t helping but I have no other option.

Today DH was meant to be going out with his friends - it wasn’t declared until this morning that it is apparently some sort of stag do for him (we got married in January and he didn’t have one) and at the thought that he might not be able to go out (because I have been in agony today trying to walk and wondering how I’m going to look after DS all day) he literally started pacing the house like something possessed. He was muttering that he NEEDED to go out and do something for him, bouncing on the spot telling me it will be the worst thing I can do if I say I’d rather he stay home to help as he will resent me so much and it will make him feel he can’t have a life.
He then went into the bathroom next to DS who was playing upstairs and did such a loud, angry bellow of annoyance which in turn, scared him and made him cry so I had to hurt myself more rushing to comfort him.

He went out anyway, has been for hours now and hasn’t even bothered to send me a message just to check in and see if I’m okay. I’m not someone who wants full on contact when someone is out but in the circumstances…

Is this a ‘normal’ response or do I just have where I think his priorities should be mixed up because I’m feeling sorry for myself and hormonal? Was I wrong to expect a bit more support when I can barely walk never mind anything else? Could this just be a one off or is this a red flag for the future, especially the angriness? Sorry - so many questions.

He’s now wandering round having a great time dressed as an Oompa Lumpa so I’ve seen in a photo fleetingly on social media whilst I just feel like a failure of a mummy and not able to give DS my best.

@category12 I do understand that too - there’s plenty a time I find I haven’t heard what someone’s been saying as I’ve been replying to DS or watching what he’s up to to make sure he doesn’t accidentally break something in someone else’s house!

I don’t mind nights out under normal circumstances - if I know when, I can plan a nice day with DS. Before DS it was a great opportunity to catch up on awful shows and have a lazy day or run errands. I just felt and still feel like I was just the bad person to make it easier for him to justify it and actually, like he couldn’t have cared less about us.

I thought I was very ready to have a drink (not until she’s here!) but the smell coming from him has put me off!

He's pushed his luck a bit too far this time and he knows it, otherwise why the remark about not leaving him. He's still not going to admit he's in the wrong though. I don't think I could get over him saying you lied about not being able to walk, that's so nasty.

Oh no, he won’t admit it - this morning he was adamant he hadn’t done anything wrong but within a few hours he’s now following me around, saying he’s the worst person, he’s never drinking again, what can he do and can I not write him a contract or something telling him how to improve.
I educate my DS about right and wrong, shouldn’t have to do it for my husband too; if you don’t automatically know that something isn’t a good idea by adulthood, I’m a bit lost.

if you don’t automatically know that something isn’t a good idea by adulthood, I’m a bit lost.

This 'boy' needs Jesus OP.

I think you need to ask yourself whether or not this is a life you wish to continue. It's unlikely to improve. He's a manchild who doesn't want the responsibility of fatherhood if it conflicts with his social life and spoils his fun. The biggest red flag is him claiming you are faking your condition to control him. ExH did this to me too about the SPD and also about my chronic condition. I was only ever ill to control him and stop him having fun. Later he'd accuse me of saying the dc were ill just to control him. It's no way to live and it's only know I'm out of that awful marriage that I can see how abusive he was. He still is but the dc are teenagers and he can't use them to control me any more.