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Original poster

How to weed out the men just looking for sex?

84 replies

treeloving · 25/11/2022 09:22

I am dating a lovely seeming man but I am super anxious over whether it's just sex or not. He has spent a lot of time reassuring me he isn't just looking for sex. But he has dated an awful lot, and I suspect he is dating lots of women still. He has gotten sexual, in his messages, but in person he is very respectful. He knows I don't have sex outside of relationships normally and I am looking for something serious. I have been used for sex in the past, and dumped, and I am super careful with who I date. It is starting to suck the fun out of things now, and I am worried about pushing him away.

Any advice?

OP posts:
Smearywindowsagain · 26/11/2022 12:14

I’m a big fan of the rules for this. They say at least 12 dates, and after the third date you have to have Saturday night dates ( the idea being you get the prime date night). The only exception being if he works Saturday nights or has kids. If he skips weekends or cancels more than twice he’s out. He also has to pay for dates and plan them. If they’re keen they do this and you need super keen for long term. It worked for me when I was dating and I met my husband this way

HelloGooodBye · 26/11/2022 12:26

People sometimes have sex and then they get the ick or their feelings change. He could be genuinely wanting more but the sex makes him change his mind, People are allowed to change their minds.

notsurewhat2do99 · 27/11/2022 16:06

gannett · 26/11/2022 08:55

I don't know about "most" women but as a woman who separated sex from emotion a lot back in the day, I don't think we're especially rare exceptions.

But if you can't separate sex from emotion then yes, best not to have it. But you have all the agency over that.

Show quote history

OK, so most of the women I have known and had these discussions with, and anecdotally from other sources. All power to you though!😀

OldFan · 27/11/2022 17:09

^Don't have sex with him until he tells you he'd like to be exclusive.
But if?/when he tells you that, don't expect to be keeping him waiting for months.^

@Whataretheodds We can wait as long as we want, we don't owe someone we're dating sex. I'm waiting till marriage this time, so they can either accept that or GTFO.

NoDatingForOldMen · 27/11/2022 17:17

Smearywindowsagain · 26/11/2022 12:14

I’m a big fan of the rules for this. They say at least 12 dates, and after the third date you have to have Saturday night dates ( the idea being you get the prime date night). The only exception being if he works Saturday nights or has kids. If he skips weekends or cancels more than twice he’s out. He also has to pay for dates and plan them. If they’re keen they do this and you need super keen for long term. It worked for me when I was dating and I met my husband this way

It’s a Good job then I met a woman who ignored all these rules and wanted to sex on the 3rd date,

NoDatingForOldMen · 27/11/2022 17:18

wanted to have sex..

OldFan · 27/11/2022 17:37

I'm sure you do think it's a good thing @NoDatingForOldMen 😂 Says more about you than money ever can.

notsurewhat2do99 · 27/11/2022 18:45

OldFan · 27/11/2022 17:37

I'm sure you do think it's a good thing @NoDatingForOldMen 😂 Says more about you than money ever can.

Agree with you @OldFan 😂

Jefferz54 · 17/12/2022 17:43

Any updates OP?

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