He's possibly impregnated someone

[Luciferthethird]

I started dating someone who I've known for years, everything was going well. Then he let me know someone he was dating before messaged him to say she's pregnant, she's not sure who the father is doesn't think it's the man I've been dating but can't be sure.

It was all so new, so of course now I've been put on the back burner. I just feel like this always happens to me, there's always some obstacle in the way always something that comes up.

She's booked in for a scan to check dates this weekend he's going with her.

Not sure what I want from this post, I suppose I just need to vent a little and hopefully get some advice.

He's going with her to the scan, I'd put money on her actually being sure it's him. It'd be a dealbreaker for me I think.

Oh dear.

So he had unprotected sex? Look after yourself first, get STD test and whatever happens don’t let him near you until he has done the same.

See what the scan results suggest. Obviously complicated if it looks as if it is his baby.

Do you think this will bring them back close together? Who finished the relationship?

You can’t have been together all that long if she is only just getting a dating scan. It’s disappointing and discouraging…. But you need to stay strong and see how this pans out. Including your feelings about how he rises to his responsibility if it is his baby.

It all sounds very messy and personally, I couldn’t be doing with the drama. I would wish him well, then cut my losses and move on.

I guess first and foremost he will have to lend his support to this ex partner. Paternity can be established before birth and then he will have to make some decisions. That's surely the first practical thing to establish. At the moment everyone's in limbo however it doesn't say an awful lot about your date if he's cast you aside at the moment.

Can paternity be established?

I don't think they were actually together.

Personally I'm of the opinion that the second father option didn't react to the news well.

My date also told me that she has had a period between him and the second man so I suppose that's why I'm a bit sceptical.

But yes you're right very messy, my first reaction was to just drop it all but sometimes easier said than done.

There's in uter paternity tests there days.

I have to admit, the fact that he's going to the scan with her makes me suspect he knows it's very likely to be his.

Drop him like a stone, he can't know paternity unless he takes a test when the baby is here. However, he seems to feel it's highly possible due to his involvement in the pregnancy already.

Walk away, it's their mess

As he's going with her, I think he strongly suspects he is a the father and downplaying it to you. If this was me I'd be ending it for now, don't get caught up in this.

If she had a period between men the second one will be the father

Why would he go unless it was still a possibility and he has feelings towards her.

I found myself in a very similar situation, and turned out the baby was his. That said, we are still together and now have a child of our own. Plenty of ups and downs along the way but it can work.

I’d try and get some sense around dates and likelihood and make a decision around that. I wouldn’t read too much into him going to the scan, he probably wants to be supportive on the off chance the baby is his.

He can take responsibility without having feelings for the woman.

OP how long have you been dating? What is it that's scaring you?

I would walk away. It's far too messy for the 'started dating' stage.

Some women do go on having what look like periods once they are pregnant, so unfortunately the fact she had a period after him and before the second man doesn’t make it an iron clad certainty that the second man is the father.

In your shoes, I would definitely cool things off until paternity is definitively settled, one way or the other, and then see what you want to do.

Put dating on hold for now. Let him deal with his mess. Once his life is settled again, if the two of you are both in a place where you are looking for potential dates, you can consider trying again. That may not be for a few years, so don’t wait around for him.

He's told me he wants to go in case it is his and so she can't lie to him about the dates, but who knows he could very well still have feelings, could be hoping that it works out this could possibly be his only chance for a baby ect ect.

I've known him decades, don't want to go into too much detail incase I'm outed
But we were talking a few years ago but the timing wasn't right for either of us.
But yeah it was nice we know the same people, nice not meeting someone on an app. I think that's what I'm holding onto here.

I would switch back to friendship and take a step back, you can still stay in touch and see what happens.

I’m you four years in the future. The baby was his. Run far, run fast. It is not going to be worth the drama.

I mean you cant have been dating that long right, a few weeks at most... just cut your loses.

He wants to be there at the dating scan because he doesn't trust her not to lie to him about the dates? Oh dear.

The details would all be irrelevant for me - I would be long gone, And as for going back to "friendship" - very unlikely to work and you will get pulled into the drama. I would let him go completely and immediately. Shame, but that's life.

www.alphabiolabs.co.uk/learning-centre/paternity-testing-while-pregnant/#is-it-safe....simply put yes paternity can be established.

All seems very hard work OP. Get rid of him and move on.

Bin him off and move on.

I don't think they were actually together.

Ehh?! She's pregnant. If they weren't together why is he concerned about paternity?

And he's known you for decades but he's put you on the back burner? Doesn't say much about him tbh. Don't hold on to someone who's let you go, not even for a less than "ideal" relationship situation.