Please could some of you give us some advice, as we are so hesitant and cautious that it may never happen!
Basically, throughout the messy thing that my life has been, there's always been one man who has been there, in the background. He and I are the same age, 2 weeks apart...we have both had various relationships and are now single and in our mid thirties.
I have two small children, he said when I had my second, 'Pencil me in for baby #3' and he does adore my first son - he hasn't met the second, as he is working in Bath and not been 'home' for a long while.
He is starting to analyse himself and is seeking some CBT etc in order to make better sense of his life. He is paying off debts. This is exactly what I'm doing as well - we both had a realisation, separately, that we needed to sort ourselves out.
I have never fancied him although a couple of years ago he confessed that he loves me. I've always found him strange and hard to understand but recently I am seeing the 'real' him, under the shy/immature stuff, and actually loving it - he talks in a way that makes me feel totally real and safe. I am liking that a lot.
I've had some bad relationships and chosen unsuitable men in the past so don't trust my judgment an inch. Sometimes I think he's no way ready to be a partner/father, and find it hard to trust him - is that me, or a warning sign? He will ring me, I'll miss the call then ask if he rang, and he'll say he didn't - because he's too proud to admit it - that winds me up, but I think he is learning? He's always kind and gentle.
He's immature in some ways (bad handwriting, draws cartoons, shy/submissive around women) but utterly mature in other ways and getting moreso all the time.
I would so love to be with someone I could rely on and share it all with - I'd also love the children to have someone around.
He earns very little as a chef/washer up, because he prefers to do a low profile job and spend the nights painting. he is keen to support us but worried he couldn't.
I'm also quite independant, possibly - afraid I'd be too selfish or unuseful as a partner. Above all, afraid of my own inability to trust - because I can't see the wood for the trees.
At this stage in our lives we're not thinking about 'dating' etc but about actually going the whole commitment thing, because that's what we're both after - we think. No point messing about iyswim!
Does this sound plausible? Or do we sound like a couple of f*ckwits, destined to failure?
The fact he's getting insightful and wanting to change seems good to me. I just don't know whether to trust it all.
Helllllpppppppp!