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Original poster

So, when you invite the girls over, do you ask DP to go out?

61 replies

Ontheedge2 · 22/11/2022 22:20

I have a close group of 6 friends. We meet up every month and have done for over 10 years.

With the cost of living and energy etc, we're all needing to pull back on things and so we've decided to go to each other's houses instead of a restaurant/pub.

My single friend has hosted the last two and I've volunteered for the next one - my DP and I moved in together about 6 months ago and so this is all new to me.

Im DP is due to be in the house on the night in question. Im looking forward to having him there for the meal, and for him to spend some time with my friends.

But Im now second guessing myself. Is it odd for him to be the only man there if he stays all night?

Also, after a few glasses of wine, we inevitably get on to discussing our relationships and families and I'm not sure he'd want to hear that (or that I'd be as open with him there!)

Do you ask your DP to go out when you have the girls over? Or does he drift off into another room?

We're new to the area so he doesn't have a lot of friends here to just go the pub with really and I wouldn't want to make him feel uncomfortable in his own home?

OP posts:
Skinnermarink · 22/11/2022 22:22

Why don’t you talk to him about it? My DH would bugger off for a night in pub even if alone.He wouldn’t stay for the meal either.

Original poster
Ontheedge2 · 22/11/2022 22:24

Yeah I will do. It just occurred to me this evening while meal planning and he's working.

I don't want him to feel like I'm kicking him out of his own home but equally, him being there will definitely change the dynamic!

OP posts:
Rolandsausage · 22/11/2022 22:24

My DH would usually go upstairs and play on his Xbox or something. Wouldn't join in a meal but would hang about at the start and say hello and maybe pop his head in when coming down for a drink or whatever

petridishmystery · 22/11/2022 22:25

In that situation I wouldn’t be surprised or bothered if he ate with us but I’d then expect him to go to a different room. I really like my friends’
partners but a girly night isn’t the same with a partner in the room!

MilkshakesBringAllTheCoosToTheYard · 22/11/2022 22:26

Mine would join for dinner then go upstairs to noodle about on his computer or whatever. He wouldn't want to hang out because he knows it would cramp our style - but I wouldn't expect him to go hungry if I was cooking either.

Pinkbonbon · 22/11/2022 22:27

I'd probably him eat with us and then tell him to make himself scarce as we were going to have some girl time. No need to kick him out though. Surely he can hang in the bedroom for a few hours right?

FinallyHere · 22/11/2022 22:28

DH is shy and much prefers to stay out of sight upstairs. He makes sure he has snacks and drinks and is happy playing

FinallyHere · 22/11/2022 22:28

On the computer.

DuplicateUserName · 22/11/2022 22:29

Mine would make them a drink, have a quick chat and then retire upstairs pretty sharpish.

He wouldn't be having dinner with is either.

DuplicateUserName · 22/11/2022 22:29

*us

Original poster
Ontheedge2 · 22/11/2022 22:30

Thanks everyone - good to hear what others do

Not sure if our set up is odd but his PC is in the living room and that's where we'd be hanging out. I guess he could move it all upstairs but he doesn't have a desk there 🤔

Having said that, he should be able to find a film or have a bath or something away from the living room for one night right? That's not unreasonable?

OP posts:
Ihatethenewlook · 22/11/2022 22:31

Mine would make himself scarce

Create10 · 22/11/2022 22:33

He should make himself scarce - either by going out or going upstairs. Obviously popping his head in to say hello is polite but your friends might understandably be a bit pissed off if your DP spent the night with them, ruining the dynamic.

CatLick · 22/11/2022 22:33

Tricky one. It's his place too so you can't kick him out if he doesn't have anywhere else to go. It's a bit patronizing to expect him to go into the spare room with his Xbox. Just be honest and say you want some girl chat but to stay for the dinner and then make his excuses. Maybe time it with a world cup match?

Luredbyapomegranate · 22/11/2022 22:34

He drifts off.. I mean completely, he wouldn’t normally join an all female dinner.. he’d probably go to the gym, grab something to eat while he was out and come back and do his own thing

You can’t kick the man out though.

Mamadothehump · 22/11/2022 22:34

Does it have to be a meal? When I get together with my girlfriends, we all eat with our families at home then just go to whoever is hosting for drinks and nibbles. Best of both worlds plus easier on the host.

Mamadothehump · 22/11/2022 22:35

Oh, and if I'm hosting then DH will say hi and maybe have 1 drink with us but will then leave us to it and bugger off to another room.

MsChatterbox · 22/11/2022 22:36

I wouldn't be impressed if I went for a girly night and a DH was present for the entire time! My husband usually chills upstairs on his phone in these instances. He's not banned he can obviously get food etc but sitting in the room the whole time would just be awkward.

allboysherebutme · 22/11/2022 22:37

He could just pop upstairs and watch tv. X

Original poster
Ontheedge2 · 22/11/2022 22:37

CatLick · 22/11/2022 22:33

Tricky one. It's his place too so you can't kick him out if he doesn't have anywhere else to go. It's a bit patronizing to expect him to go into the spare room with his Xbox. Just be honest and say you want some girl chat but to stay for the dinner and then make his excuses. Maybe time it with a world cup match?

This is it!

I wouldn't want to make him feel uncomfortable. He's had friends around for the weekend but I've always taken advantage and gone to stay with a friend, planned day trips etc. If I was here, I imagine I would say hi and head off to my room for the evening.

He's not always the most socially adept at reading things and I'm a little worried he may get offended at me saying I need him out of his own living room 😬

OP posts:
Original poster
Ontheedge2 · 22/11/2022 22:39

Mamadothehump · 22/11/2022 22:34

Does it have to be a meal? When I get together with my girlfriends, we all eat with our families at home then just go to whoever is hosting for drinks and nibbles. Best of both worlds plus easier on the host.

Good idea!

We're trying to rotate it so either eat at home or the host cooks or everyone brings a plate of something.

This is a 'host cooks' one which I don't mind but hadn't really thought about DP and the dynamic!

OP posts:
RewildingAmbridge · 22/11/2022 22:40

If DS was home DH would be, to run interference if needed, but would stay out of the way on his PC upstairs. He'd make drinks and say hello when people arrived but would then disappear. If DS was at grandparents he'd probably make arrangements to go out

Create10 · 22/11/2022 22:41

Ontheedge2 · 22/11/2022 22:37

This is it!

I wouldn't want to make him feel uncomfortable. He's had friends around for the weekend but I've always taken advantage and gone to stay with a friend, planned day trips etc. If I was here, I imagine I would say hi and head off to my room for the evening.

He's not always the most socially adept at reading things and I'm a little worried he may get offended at me saying I need him out of his own living room 😬

Show quote history

Surely he'd understand that it would change the dynamic?

Ragwort · 22/11/2022 22:41

My DH would definitely not hang around ... and I wouldn't want him to ... neither would I hang around if he has his mates round. But we do have a fairly large house with a second tv and comfortable alternative spaces ...

zebrapig · 22/11/2022 22:45

DH normally says hi and chats a bit and then stays out the way until he's required to make cocktails and drive my friends home 😁

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