So, when you invite the girls over, do you ask DP to go out?

[Ontheedge2]

I have a close group of 6 friends. We meet up every month and have done for over 10 years.

With the cost of living and energy etc, we're all needing to pull back on things and so we've decided to go to each other's houses instead of a restaurant/pub.

My single friend has hosted the last two and I've volunteered for the next one - my DP and I moved in together about 6 months ago and so this is all new to me.

Im DP is due to be in the house on the night in question. Im looking forward to having him there for the meal, and for him to spend some time with my friends.

But Im now second guessing myself. Is it odd for him to be the only man there if he stays all night?

Also, after a few glasses of wine, we inevitably get on to discussing our relationships and families and I'm not sure he'd want to hear that (or that I'd be as open with him there!)

Do you ask your DP to go out when you have the girls over? Or does he drift off into another room?

We're new to the area so he doesn't have a lot of friends here to just go the pub with really and I wouldn't want to make him feel uncomfortable in his own home?

My DH wouldn't have anywhere to go so he would just go to his man cave (sorry for the twee wording don't know what else to call it!) and play Xbox.

Mine keeps out of the way.
Thank goodness

DH would either go out, or drift off into another room and tell us to shout if we need anything from the kitchen / shop / wherever.

I think its bit more of a pain if his PC is in the room you want to use, I think you will just have to ask him but to me it sounds like you dont have enough room to host without ensuring your partner has some plans or such first.

Dh would say hello then do his own thing and I'd take him up some of the food.

Glad you clarified that, my mind was wondering.

Just to confirm, I did check the date with him - I haven't just invited a load of people with no notice 😅

We just hadn't discussed what he'd do while they were here.

Thinking back, there has been one other time when two of my friends ended up here after a nasty break up for one of them. He was away for the weekend though so we didn't actually encounter this awkwardness.

Maybe I just mention the assumption that he'll hide away? Offer to help with moving his stuff maybe?

Mine would go out just the same as I would if he had his mates over

Changes the dynamic if a partner is around

If it is a once in a blue moon event then I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask your partner to make themselves scarce

We usually all eat together, then DH buggers off to another room to game or work or watch TV. I don't want him hanging around all night, neither do my friends and not does he!

Most of my friends husbands would chat a bit and then go off and get on with their own stuff. My husband would stay home in case one of the kids stirs, but others would go out. One of my friends husbands though would hang around and chat, make sure our wine was kept topped up and enjoy our company. He's been with my friend for twenty years and has always seemed happy to hang out with the girls and we're always pleased to catch up with him too.

If you're new to the area but your 6 friends can come over, can't he travel to meet his? If not mine would definitely bugger off out to the pub on his own rather than sit in with 6 of my friends. It'll be awkward with him there. (For them as well as him....a different dynamic)

This, mine would hang around and be polite at the beginning, then make himself scarce till he could be useful. It's his best quality

Honestly, I find single-sex gatherings that involve someone of the ‘wrong’ sex having to go out or hide upstairs in their own home for fear of wrecking the atmosphere more than a bit weird.

Hell yeah. When I lived with my ex and I was having the girls round I’d boot him out to the pub. Don’t recall him ever complaining about that

He’d maybe be home as they arrived but used that as his cue to scarper.

You can’t have a proper girlie night in with your DP around!!

It's not because he's the opposite sex, it's because he's not the guests' friend.

It would be much weirder to invite friends round for a relaxed evening and expect them to make polite small talk with your DP when they really want to discuss their divorce/affair/whatever.

DH would either make himself scarce for the night or he’d join us for part of the evening and then head off to watch telly in another room.

It’s uncomfortable if someone’s partner hangs around for the whole evening if you’re having a girls night. It changes the dynamic.

When my friend(s) visit, my husband has a meal and a desert with us and goes upstairs to watch TV or something on Netflix or Amazon or reads something on his laptop so we can talk freely.

Sometimes he might plan to visit his Dad who lives a 20-30 minutes drive from us.

When my married friends visit us with their husbands and sometimes children we stay all together the whole evening.

Sometimes husbands go to see/watch my husband's sports car(s) in his garage and we girls can talk more privately then.

I'd find it very weird if invited for a meal with 'the girls' to find someone's dp there.
I mean, I might expect to cross paths with him in the hall as he was going out, or as he were going upstairs to spend the evening there. I would NOT expect him at the meal. It would completely change the dynamic.
If he doesn't have the social awareness to know he needs to disappear for the evening, then you need to tell him, directly.

It isn't to do with his sex alone, the same applies for a same sex partner who isn't part of the group.

I have a friend who tried to do this - we all meet up a couple of times a year, from something we all belonged to many years ago, and have all known each other for years. One of the group has now married her wife and tried a couple of times to bring her to the meet up. Yes, she's the same sex. Yes, I'm sure she is a very nice person. But she isn't part of the group that meet up, and introducing partners changes that dynamic a lot.

Mine is lovely for this. He pours drinks and makes small talk then takes himself upstairs for the evening with the switch or his laptop. I’d probably see him emerge once or twice for another drink/ slice of pizza and then straight back up. I don’t ask and really respect he just does it (in fairness I suspect he feels awkward too).

As a single person with a close group of girlfriends from school (30 years ago) I'd find it weird if one of their blokes was to randomly join our get togethers.

Normally we organise by saying "blokes too" or "families too?" so everyone knows what's happening. It's weird if he's the only guy.

I'd suggest to him he makes another plan. Surely it you live together you're comfortable enough to have that conversation?

We do the same OP and the husbands tend to say hi and then make a quick exit to the pub or like my dh and just go off upstairs to watch telly.

My DH would be politeand chat to everyone raised and then make his excuses. Same as I do for him. Its a single sex night and you never behave the same when a partner is there. It's too constraining.