So, when you invite the girls over, do you ask DP to go out?

[Ontheedge2]

I have a close group of 6 friends. We meet up every month and have done for over 10 years.

With the cost of living and energy etc, we're all needing to pull back on things and so we've decided to go to each other's houses instead of a restaurant/pub.

My single friend has hosted the last two and I've volunteered for the next one - my DP and I moved in together about 6 months ago and so this is all new to me.

Im DP is due to be in the house on the night in question. Im looking forward to having him there for the meal, and for him to spend some time with my friends.

But Im now second guessing myself. Is it odd for him to be the only man there if he stays all night?

Also, after a few glasses of wine, we inevitably get on to discussing our relationships and families and I'm not sure he'd want to hear that (or that I'd be as open with him there!)

Do you ask your DP to go out when you have the girls over? Or does he drift off into another room?

We're new to the area so he doesn't have a lot of friends here to just go the pub with really and I wouldn't want to make him feel uncomfortable in his own home?

My dh would say hi then run away

Same with my DH. Hello and then go off. Definitely not stay for the meal.

Thanks everyone, think I'll just ask him when he gets up today what his plans are.

I'm hoping he won't take offence. We were long distance before so his friends are mostly much further away so nipping to one of theirs probably isn't feasible and he doesn't have family.

I'd be very happy for him to join us for a drink, even eat with us but maybe let us get on with it after that

Ask him if he’s staying in that night. You need to know how many you’re catering for. That will at least plant the seed that maybe he’s not automatically included, and you can go from there.

When DH and i are in this scenario the other one will say hi, chat for a little while then leave the other one to it. I’d have a chat with your DP beforehand as he might not know what you expect and whether you want him to be involved or not

Just start talking about periods or something if he doesn’t get the hint

It's only my turn say twice a year, so works perfectly. Dh acknowledges them when they come in, stays for a couple of minutes and chats then goes to the lounge. We sit in the kitchen / dining room for the evening and eat curry and wine. Dh pops in and out to get a drink, he watches football in the lounge. All works perfectly.

Don't let him eat with you. It would change the dynamics. You can dish him some food (if you are preparing it, or have all ordered a curry), present it to him in the lounge. He'd be thrilled, surely?

The way I’d look at it, is if he stays then you should be asking their OHs over too.

Mine will say hello maybe have one drink then either go out or go into another room.
Bit weird to stay for the whole girls night.

I think it's important to spend time with friends without a partner present - as everyone needs a space they can be just themselves, and not be part of a unit. Impossible to do that if your partner is hanging out with you as well.

DP will make plans with friends or hang out in the other room. The same way I would.

Since your DP doesn't have any friends, can't he read, watch a movie, play games, do a hobby - in another room? I wouldn't have him at dinner, it changes the dynamic and isn't fair if your other friends have left their partners for the evening, that you have yours attend. Saying hello, grabbing drinks, chit chatting when he wants a drink or bite etc is all good - not actually being a part of the entire evening.

I would just tell him - there will absolutely be times in your life one of you has to compromise on the space for the other. Thinking of lockdowns when so many people were banished from certain rooms for a few hours because people had to work there. Everyone clearly coped, so he can definitely manage the inconvenience for a few hours on the odd occasion.