My fiance just left me and i have baby due March

[kyr4]

Hey I'm pregnant and our baby is due in March. But my fiance just left and says he is not ready for this and just wants to not worry about this and he says I am always annoying and all i do now is talk about the baby and my pregnancy and he doesn't want that anymore and he doesn't want to worry about this. I don't know what to do or how to get him to come back and now he is ignoring my texts and i don't even know where he is. what do i do? I am so scared about it all now and i don't know how to get him to come back

Do you want someone who drops out of responsibilities, back?
You can't make someone come back plus he could come back and do it again. Sorry you're going through this.
Was the baby planned?

First you don't want him back. You've dodged a massive bullet here.

This happened to a girl I went to school with. Half way through her planned pregnancy her finance said he'd changed his mind and didn't want to do this anymore.

It was hard for a while but she is flourishing now. She has a good co parenting relationship with her ex and has recently found a new boyfriend.

I don't know, I guess its ok he's scared and normal but i just want to talk about it and how he is feeling. Thanks. No but he said he would be there and he wanted to be a proper dad and he promised me this before but now he has changed

I don't know i am hoping he will come round and change his mind. I guess it is normal he is scared and i guess guys aren't good at dealing with this or expressing emotions? I really love him so much and I know he would be good dad and I am hoping the same thing won't happen to me

You poor thing. Where’s he gone? Can you afford to stay living where you are without him? Are you working?

If he’s not replying then I’d stop contacting him, you’ll only stress yourself out more. He’s either having a total freak out and will come crawling back or he’s been thinking about leaving for a while.

If you’re feeling very low, and fair enough, please talk to your midwife and see if there’s any support they can offer you.

Yes it's normal to be apprehensive but it's pretty normal to discuss fears with your partner, not drop her like a hot potato claiming "he can't handle it."
Unfortunately you'll be left holding the baby while he can shirk all parental duties. He needs to grow up.
I know you must love him and it'll hurt thinking he doesn't feel the same but he's shown his colours.

Men are perfectly capable of talking about their feelings, they’re not different from women. But they obviously don’t experience pregnancy and it it was a big surprise of a pregnancy and/or you haven’t been together for long he might feel it’s easier to run than face what’s happened and the impact that’ll have on both of you.

Not really, I work but he earns much more than me. I don't know where he has gone as he is ignoring my messages and he won't even tell me. I guess that is right and I should stop but I just want to talk to him! I don't know really. Thanks. I don't know he hasn't shown signs of this really it is just a huge shock. I guess I don't know I am still in shock with everything

Yes we both work

It was unplanned but early on he was so supportive and said he wanted to be a good dad and would. But now he has changed suddenly. We've been togther 3 years. I don't know I am confused. I think it is harder for men to talk about feelings

Best thing you can do now is start planning an independent future.

Firstly, because you might need to be that person because you are going to be a single parent. Work out now where you will live, what income stream you need etc. You may need to return to work sooner than you originally planned, and so also need to adjust your childcare plans.

But secondly because the least attractive thing you can do now is chase him.

If he's made a horrible mistake, he needs to realise this fully for himself and all by himself, and then work out for himself what he's going to do about it.

Don't settle for a man who is not capable of that

i guess but I guess he is just scared and hopefully he will come round and he he just neds time I don't know really

I guess it just doesn't feel right. I don't know. I think he would still pay his rent for me to live there even if he doesn't come back. I guess I just want to talk to him and to just know where he is even

" guess it just doesn't feel right. I don't know. I think he would still pay his rent for me to live there even if he doesn't come back".

With kindness, you have a child on the way. You need to now have your your own rent/ mortgage in place, if you have not already.

I guess, we are both on the tenancy agreement but he always pays the rent

I know he would be good dad
I mean how could you possibly know that, when his first act of (pre)fatherhood is to bugger off?

Never mind about how he's feeling and how he can't express his feelings. The important thing now is you and securing your living arrangements for the baby. Whatever he says when he finally resurfaces, he's made it clear you can't rely on him and this is far easier to sort out now than it will be after the baby has arrived.

As other posters have said, start planning for your own future. You can still be in a relationship with him, he can be involved in the baby's life as well, but you can't have this hanging over you with a newborn. You need to be in your own place.

This evening, though, the main thing is to take care of yourself. Can you call a friend to come over? Do not struggle with these thoughts racing around on your own, just so that other people don't find out what he's like.

Stop contacting him completely - I guarantee that if you stop texting and ringing him he’ll be contacting you/coming back much sooner than if you keep trying to contact him.

He is more than likely going to come back in a couple of days time.

The bigger issue is if he takes off again, you need his support right now and even more so once baby is here and I don’t think you’re going to get it from him.

He’s either going to take off every time something gets too difficult or you’re going to be walking on egg shells worried about not making life too stressful for him incase he leaves again - either way is no way to live.

How long ago did he leave?
Have you talked since?
Had there been any tension in the relationship prior to this?

Earlier this evening about 2 hours ago. No we haven't. I don't even know where he is. No I thought it was all good it is such a shock

I think he would still pay his rent for me to live there even if he doesn't come back

Do not count on this.

Yes you will need to talk to him idc about admin (severing the tenancy, child maintenance)

Can you afford the rent where you are now on your salary? If not, then now is the time to start planning to downsize.

You are not married, there is no guarantee he'll come back or stay back, so do not become financially or administratively dependent on him

I guess I will try but I just want to talk to him but it makes sense what you say. I guess hopefully he will learn from this if he comes back I don't know. Or maybe when the baby is here it will be more real and make him step up?

I don't think I could. Maybe I could with maintenance but I don't know how much that will be and obviously everything is expensive right now. I don't know I am confused and in shock still