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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Devious partner and dodgy bank statements

4 replies

Eddy123 · 22/11/2022 16:18

This is actually quite hard to write but I've been with my partner for 2 years in April next year. It was a very quick start. Just got out of a very abusive relationship of 20 years. I fell fast and hard....
Our sex life was great, but waned after 6 months. He wouldn't ever give me a reason why and in my mind it became a very big problem. He said he'd never had a high sex drive. So I stopped making the 1st move as I was always pushed away, I tried talking and communicating as adults should but he just wouldn't talk to me about it, seemed to be shy and that's fine, everyone is different.
There are some boundaries that have been crossed on social media... commenting and following, friend requests from a LOT of other women.

I know this was a rubbish decision but as he wasn't talking to me looked like he was window shopping other women I went through his phone after seeing a text message come through at 1am from another women telling him to meet her at a hotel for the night!!!
I saw things I didn't want to see.... and on his bank statement were payments over and over to PTBNEN.COM
He said it was just a scam... but after
delving deeper I'm pretty sure it's a cam site
I've also recently discovered he has used sex chat lines whilst with me.

I know, it's bad and I AM leaving but I really want to know what these payments were for.
He's admitted to the sex chat lines
.. after I pretty much caught him red-handed but he leeps saying over and over again that its just that... only that etc.

OP posts:
HuntingHappiness · 22/11/2022 16:35

At this point, how much does it matter?

He’s been shopping around and using sex chat lines, would it hurt any differently to have your suspicions confirmed about the payments ?

It sounds like you will be well rid Flowers

summergone · 22/11/2022 16:46

He has been using sex chat lines surely that's all you need to know ?!

AttilaTheMeerkat · 22/11/2022 17:05

It’s immaterial re this site because you know he is no good and up to no good.

Your boundaries, already skewed by previous abuse, were further eroded by this man. A man who targeted you further and deliberately to abuse.

Would suggest you not embark on any further relationship until you have worked on your boundaries and have enrolled onto the Freedom Programme in person (which is for those who have been in abusive relationships).

Eddy123 · 23/11/2022 19:41

I get it, I am going to leave but I just want this to throw in his face as he won't tell me what it is and it's literally watertight online!!!
I know it's immature of me but he keeps saying it's just this one thing he's done.
But it's the only thing I've been able to absolutely prove with evidence to the fact.
I appreciate everyone's comments and I will look into the freedom project. I'm sick of being hurt and taken for granted. X

OP posts:
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