Been seeing a guy for two months but he's been pursuing me for about two years. He is 48, I am 40. I was coming out of a messy divorce and recovering from that so not interested in a new relationship at the time. Two months ago we spent a lot of time together and became very emotionally close. I felt safe with him so decided to take the step of dating him. It has been very respectful, very nice, great conversations.
We had sex for the first time 2 weeks ago, on a minibreak. We spent a lot of time in bed cuddling but the sex (it happened twice over three days) was missionary, head down, no eye contact, and over very quickly. That's a lot of time to be in bed cuddling and talking naked with someone without actually having sex or doing anything sexual. In fact, I don't think he has seen me fully naked at all, and neither me him (his choice.)
Due to work/children commitments, we could not see each other again for 2 weeks. We spoke every day on the phone and I tried to open up some conversation around sex and what he likes and there was lots of chat (instigated by him) about how he wants to rip my clothes off and get me naked and have sex again. I found this a bit odd because he had plenty of opportunity while we were away and preferred cuddling.
He lives outside London so came down for the night tonight and booked into a hotel. The plan was always that I would go back with him, but return to kids at home to sleep. I got a babysitter, booked til 2am, wore some nice underwear and got dressed up. I took him for dinner and when dinner was over we had agreed we would go back to his hotel together, but he seemed to get nervous about what it would be like, whether he had booked for two or for one etc. Bizarre as it's what we had arranged.
Finally got back to the hotel and he jumps on me. Pulls my dress up, takes my pants off, pulls his trousers down, puts on a condom and we have sex again. Missionary style. I have been looking forward to this forever, so despite the fact it didn't last long, I finish. He then finishes, pulls out, rolls over and falls asleep, snoring. It was about five minutes. I get my phone out and start scrolling. He pulls me in for a cuddle then falls back to sleep.
I eventually get up and start to get dressed. It's 10pm. He's barely awake. I go to the loo, get my stuff together and start booking a taxi. Meanwhile he is snoring. When I leave I let him know, he props himself up a bit in bed and pulls me in again for another hug and a kiss and off I go.
I don't know what is wrong with me, but I keep coming away with a strange feeling. Maybe my expectation of sex in a new relationship is too much? During our minibreak there were several times I pulled the covers off both of us, tried to sit up and look at him properly but he pulled the covers back over, pulled me back down into the bed, cuddled me again and asked me jokingly what on earth I thought I was doing. I don't know how he expects to have a relationship like this, and he keeps saying it's a relationship he wants.
He was married for 15 years before this. He says I am the first person he has had sex with since his divorce. Is this normal? Am I wrong to feel paranoid?