Hi Mumsnetters
Second time posting on here from a few weeks back, changed username as was a bit identifying. Apparently there is a similar story poster on here who has been posting for
months and months about a similar story but it’s not me!
Long story short and summarising previous post. I’m 32 weeks pregnant. Over 3 months ago my now ex partner kicked me out of the flat I shared with him very abruptly and after a petty argument not even in person! It was his rented place that I lived in with him so wasn’t on the tenancy but did pay him rent.
I was off work unwell (first trimester pregnancy related) and in bed and after a phone call and trivial argument over his birthday plans he lost his head (again) down the phone screaming at me to get out and within an hour his 70yr old Mum, sister and him turned up and black bin bagged all of my belongings and dumped it off at my parents whilst I just stood there in sheer disbelief. I wasn’t allowed to pack my own personal Items nor come back when I felt well enough to deal with this which I couldn’t believe. The phone call started as him ringing to check on me as he knew I hadn’t gone into work as was experiencing pregnancy insomnia and very upset stomach that day. It was just an ordinary nothing day that within a minute of then disagreeing about his birthday plans turned my whole life upside down.
I was really unwell and pretty much had my first ever panic attack the next morning after this happened. he refused to take my calls the next day and help me. (He knew my parents were on holiday so was alone) but my brother was there. I then after a few days went no contact after starting to feel angry after how I was treated and the irrational crazy behaviour he displayed and just had no idea how I could speak to him again.
He text me once 4 whole weeks later to check how I was and subsequently I blocked him after me replying saying I won’t talk to him now after the stress and upset he caused me whilst pregnant and blocked him on what’s app before he could reply as I knew his reply would only anger or twist the knife in further. I made it clear if he went through with dumping all my stuff off that Would be the final nail.
I’m 15 weeks down the line and I’m really struggling. I cry most days and I’m still just so hurt and shocked about what has happened. It makes no sense. I feel like a zombie and I’m just existing. I replay this in my head every day and get flashbacks and it’s driving me mad. I am seeing a private counsellor but it’s apparent that I’m just never going to be able to make sense of this and can’t relate to his lack of care. I could really do with anti depressants I think to take the edge off but I’m not prepared to take any risks to the baby and have 8 weeks to go so am trying my best to get by and want feels like survive at the moment.
He was always quite hot headed and every argument would tell me to pack my stuff and did go 1-100 pretty quickly usually over nothing stuff. There were a few arguments in the pregnancy which would always result in over reactions in my opinion, him punching a shattering his windscreen being one and him calling his mum half way through so she could hear what was going on and him also running round to my parents to basically slag me off. I really struggled in the first trimester with anaemia and very bad headaches to the point I would lose my vision, I was quite hormonal and tearful as well. I never felt overly supported. But his life wasn’t changing. I had been a big party girl before being pregnant and we had a very big social life together before this, it seemed like when things got boring and mundane things fell apart. me being hormonal and poorly etc.
To make it worse we had our gender reveal 4 days prior, discussing baby names, he was nagging me to go out and buy stuff etc. The weekends leading up to it we did nice things together and seemed to be getting on better then we had for weeks! I thought he would be a good dad and was pretty family oriented. I never expected this neglect towards the baby no matter what happened with us I’m so surprised. He is 47 I’m 32. He is pretty selfish and immature he’s never had a long term relationship before.
I know he isn’t a nice person and I certainly won’t be putting his name on the BC or contacting him again he has shown He couldn’t care less. but i just feel so lonely and down. I’ve moved back with parents who have been supportive and are really angry and disgusted with him as well but I do feel alone. It’s hard not having someone to share this with and I just can’t get my head around it. I can’t believe I’m 32 pregnant single and living with parents. I mean most people have a conversation when they break up not having there MIL turn up! I’ve had no closure, I need to accept I won’t.
I sound contradictory as I don’t want him around the baby after some of the behaviours he has shown me, but I can’t comprehend how he hasn’t picked up the phone to check up on me. It’s been over 10 Weeks.. anything could have happened? He would be none the wiser. It’s just the lack of care not only for me but the baby it really hurts and messes with my head. I now have the limbo of not knowing whether he will pop up again in January when I’m due. Will he take me to court etc for a access. I think this is unlikely but it’s the unknown. I seem to be getting angrier the longer it goes on and resentful. I’m trying desperately to get “better not bitter”. I have bought all the baby things with the help of my parents, I’m having to try and buy a new car etc, he can just carry on going to the pub every weekend without a care in the world. He knows I’m on a low wage as well.
I just naively thought he would try and check up on me, offer to help buy what the baby needs check my living situation maybe just show some humanity and compassion.
We agreed that we wouldn’t use contraception and “see what happens” this wasn’t a shock pregnancy. And he voiced nothing about not wanting the baby like lots of stories you see in these situations. He just gets to shun his responsibilities, it’s a tough pill to swallow.
I hoped 15 weeks on I would be feeling better but I just can’t seem to move on despite me being super excited to meet the baby. I’m hoping hormones are making this a lot more intense and heightened then it is. It’s not really a normal relationship breakup and I’m not able to do what I usually would do in other breakups.
Will it get better?? Any words or wisdom or similar experiences?? I just feel so down and lost. Thanks for listening x