Wondering if this man is just after sex and I've met another childish one, or are they all the same?

[Notaboutthebass]

I don't like talking naughty if we've not met yet/only just met.
I met a man for the first time today because I was enjoying our conversations by text. Very attentive and interested in me and my life/things I had to say.
I tend to self sabotage and I have ended short relationships when they've been childish. Am I a prude? All other conversations have been really enjoyable and respectful.
One screenshot is before we met, after we were talking about how we both love hugs. Other was tonight after we met.
He was very complimentary on our date and respectful.

@RedHelenB it is. Sometimes wires are crossed. It can be hard to read what someone means too.

Unfortunately he's bad at flirting, you are bad at flirting and at least you are realising that you do and are self sabotaging.. If I were a frind of both of yours, I'd just say, stop texting, start talking and video chat. There is so much expression that is mis-read in text that you are going to dump him because he misunderstands you and that would be the waste of what could be a great life togethe for the sake of not phoning.

Hi all.
We've had another really lovely date and we're enjoying the flirting! He really isn't my usual type which I'm happy about, and very different looking. I subconciously normally go for the macho, hard to read types. He is so complimentary, positive, heart on his sleeve type. He's a bit of a geek (which I've made a concious to look for recently), and he's said a few times that he's punching which I've said he's not and he's gorgeous.
I know it's early days, two dates and I'm aware of love bombing etc (had years of experience with this) but it's so nice to spend time with someone who can show he really enjoys my company and shows and says that he fancies me.
The kisses have been amazing, the chemistry so far is fantastic and he seems respectful. Lots of comfortable flirting. He keeps saying how much he's smiling!

Has anyone else had this where they've spent years spending time with a certain type, gone for a different type and it's worked in their favour?

Just to add, my standards and boundaries are high and can spot red flags a mile off, so I am being wary. I'm used to meeting people who change so quickly, and I know I can't know someone after two dates. I'm quietly confident about this one, although I'm not going to think too seriously for the time being, just have fun getting to know him.

You don't have to think of this in terms of one person being uptight or the other sleazy. It might just mean that you are incompatible in terms of flirtation & communication styles.

Yes you do OP. I was expecting something much more explicit than that.

okay... do I sound uptight?

Yes you do OP

I wouldn't like the 'showering together' comment. I'm not uptight I just know what I'm looking for nowadays and a bloke that goes on about that sort of thing this early on is not for me.

You're setting the tone and he's matching it. You pertained to shaving yourself and him smelling nice/ showering, not him. This is fine. You don't automatically have to jump him at your next meeting for cocktails just because you've both been a bit suggestive. You're dating, not applying to be a magistrate.

If the dates and flirting are going well then enjoy them. Unfortunately you can't tell at this stage whether a relationship is worth your time long term (aside from obvious flags/ incompatibilities) so just go.with it for as long as it's going well.

This.

I'm not sure why you think this is 'childish' chat ? He's being flirty having followed your lead asking about physical preferences, you mentioned you shaving, and you continued this with your 'gentleman' response.

Good grief - this is all very weird.

You’re the one leading the conversation and you think he’s in the wrong?!? And it’s the most banal, mild conversation ever!

Jeez.

To answer your question about choosing a different type, yes!
My type has changed the older I got. Thank goodness!

Choosing the same type repeatedly even though they don't work out, is like hitting your thumb over and over expecting it not to hurt.

Try different types. As long as you find them attractive and have good conversation, why not!

This. You were leading the conversation, and the whole thing is pretty tame. I'd consider it more of a red flag if he hadn't responded in the way he did.

Dating someone not my type and enjoying it immensely, what i thought i wanted isn't what i actually needed it seems.

Do you guys have anything in common? What do you talk about? Slept with him yet? This seems all very surface level so far

I tend to self sabotage and I have ended short relationships when they've been childish.
Oy OP! That's not self-sabotage - that's self-awareness & good boundaries.
You keep doing just that.

Am I a prude?
No.
Your comfort level about what sexual innuendo etc you are happy with is only for YOU to decide.
There is nothing prudish about not enjoying what you would feel is dirty talk.
Other people might enjoy it - great for them! - consenting adults & all that.

All other conversations have been really enjoyable and respectful.
As you've had a good second date, base your assessment of him on that, not his texts. They read like a very clumsy attempt at mild flirtation - it's heavy-handed but possibly his notion of what he's doing is expressing interest, chasing you ...
But he can't know you dislike this kind of talk unless you tell him so!

So - when its relevant - simply say so, without emotion or reproach. Just a "hey, call me old fashioned but I don't enjoy that. One of the things I DO like about the way we talk is how interesting & respectful you are."
Then he knows.
And if he lays off the cringy chat, you'll know he respects you, your boundaries & preferences.
If he does not, after you've clearly explained your preference - dump him. Because it would be the thin end of the wedge.

And don't overthink! It honestly is as simple as I've laid it out above.
Have fun on your next date 😁

I might dump him for the "young lady" alone though ... 😂

Sure, but OP isn't posting about anybody else's boundaries.
Hers exist in their own right, & are not dependent on what anybody else would be comfortable with.

So it's just not relevant that you think it's uptight to dislike the innuendo.
The only relevant issues are 1) can OP communicate her boundary to her new date 2) can he respect her boundary & 3) is he happy & comfortable, operating within her stated boundary.

The 'young lady' would be a real turn off for me. The stubble joke itself wouldn't bother me.

Yes but she did communicate her boundaries, initiating the jokes about shaving and the shower. He didn't say anything explicit, just picked up the cues and responded in kind.

Thanks for the replies.

I'm not at all bothered about that now. We've had 3 amazing dates, and he seems such a lovely person, I really enjoy his company. We had amazing sex last night, incredible, like I've not had for years. He's physically fit and very considerate. He's also very sweet and natural with me.

I was over thinking the comments and admit it was me that encouraged it.

Again, he is very different to my last relationship - personality, looks and the way he wears his heart on his sleeve - very open.

It's interesting to see that others are now with someone completely different to their normal type.