Meeting his 3 kids for the first time…help!

[Motivationcuff]

Hello,

been in a relationship for 6 months and am due to meet his kids for the first time just before Christmas…ages 6,5 and 3.

please can I have some advice? How do I introduce myself? Any stories or experiences welcome!

thanks

Would you not prefer to date him and stay separate to all those kids? 100% easier and more enjoyable and without the all encompassing complexities of making kids be involved in their fathers dating life.

(I had to endure my mother’s boyfriends brought in to my home as a kid, so wish people would frame their choices as ‘is this prioritising the kids I chose to have?’)

I think be much wiser to leave it till the New Year. The run up to and over Christmas is a fraught, and exciting time for children and their parents without introducing a significant other to them. There’s no rush. Regardless why does it have to be an event when they are so young? Just arrange to meet in the park or whatever for a short hello when and if you do meet.

Also consider not meeting them at all at this stage as a pp suggested. Easier all round.

How old are you? He must not be long out of the relationship if his youngest is only 3. I do admit to judging a man who has left with such small children..I assume he says she was abusive or had an affair. Tends to be the typical reasons given.

I really wouldn't rush the meeting, definitely wait until after Xmas in case the children are unsettled. Does the Ex know about you?

I often think men rush introductions so that they have help with children rather than parent solo. 3 under aged 6 will be very difficult to manage. Just the basics as feeding and putting to bed, let alone keeping them amused.

personally, i wouldnt leave it too long to introduce my kids if its a serious relationship. what if you wait 2 years and they dont warm to each other? then you've wasted 2years. and parents are entitled to have a relationship. go and meet them and see how it goes, goodluck

Too soon!!

I would wait until after Christmas.

My advice is run away .. if the youngest is still 3 yrs old he's definitely not finished with the ex, this is just a break ..
l
But if you insist on staying.. just be completely yourself with the kids, be kind to them but don't go overboard trying to Impress them
Pay attention to their personalities and go with the flow..

Its better to meet them in a public outing like the cinema or going out to eat because it makes it less intense for a first meeting , and they'll associate meeting "daddy's girlfriend" with a fun memory.

But seriously, run away

Weird comments! Op might have young kids herself should men run from her?

P.s its better that he introduces you as "whatever your name is " they don't really need to know that your a girlfriend, they are still young

Given the way this is phrased, I'd say that is vanishingly unlikely.

Imo yes, a man should not date a woman who has a 3 yr old or any child who just got out of nappies
Priorities
Thats my opinion don't come for me ..

No OP. Do not be so silly. Are you new to MN ?

You must NEVER meet the children. Although sometimes the advice is relaxed a little (but not always) until they have left home, have their own partners and kids.. but even then it's not favoured as you might emotionally disturb the grandchildren...

No. You mustn't meet them. Your partner must never expect to be able to have another relationship. You will actively destroy their happiness if you do. As for taking this relationship further - well again you really shouldn't .it's bad enough them setting eyes on you but oh my days - never ever consider being 'in their lives' ...

Just have a little browse of AIBU or the stepparent threads.. you will see this is an accurate summary of the MN overwhelming opinion. Even the liberal minded posters say a minimum of 6 months .. and when you say 6 months now what - they will say a year... etc

Personally I think that's all bollox. It entirely depends on the kids and the situation at home. If the split is amicable then make the first meeting a 'play date' type activity where there is a distraction and the focus isn't just on you. We went bowling. It was easy. Next time we went bowling with me DH and my kids. That was 17 years ago. We had known each other 3 months. Married 2 years later.

So far no one appears traumatised. All meet up independent of us. All work and 5/7 went to Uni. So it's not all doom and gloom.

There are A LOT of abandoned or cheated on wives on this site though - so a very unfavourable view of ex partners finding new love. Which is of course understandable although it does skew the anti-new relationship advice somewhat.

They are very young. Plus three close in age like that is a lot. I also think you could wait till after Christmas. On the other hand if you are just introduced as a friend in the park or something you could see how it goes.

'Hello I'm Sarah, I'm a friend of your dads'.

I don’t find 3 particularly young tbh but then this is MN where people think single parents should never date again 🤣

17 years ago we had less knowledge about childhood development @Icantthinkwhat

They've been dating a very short time and at 6 months, it could go the distance or blow up.

I'd leave it a bit longer and only meet them as a friend. They're young enough not to really question that.

Do not stay over while they're there!

My experience of them being a bit older is to leave it still

Haha @SpinningFloppa agree. I also like how everyone is jumping to the conclusion that him and ex have not long separated. They could have split while she was pregnant or when 3yr old was a baby. Myself personally, if me and dp ever split and either of us got into a new relationship I wouldn’t introduce my kids till after the year mark because until then your still pretty much in the honeymoon phase and a lot of relationships tend to fizzle out around then

Its too soon.
Do you have DC of your own?

Just be cautious he isn't looking for a free childminder.
Many men do that.

I wouldn't just before Xmas as has the potential to blow up with his ex and could cause problems him seeing the kids over Xmas.

Probably be better in the new year.

Given the kids ages they are too young to really understand which in an odd way isn't a bad thing. Just present yourself as a friend would be my suggestion.

I'd also say you'll need to ignore at least 50% of the posts as there's a tendency to project and the double standards are hilarious at times. Popcorn at the ready!

Why did they split up?

A walk in the park with their bikes/scooters, so it's very relaxed and you won't be in their home.

Three is young for a parent to find someone new, you are hardly out of the chaotic fog of having a baby/toddler, so take it slow and really pay attention to what kind of man he is.

Me and my ex split up when I was pregnant, my daughter is now 5 I haven’t dated at all in that time as it happens but still don’t get the “they must not be over” “it’s just a break” me and my ex have not been together at all in the 5 years she’s been born (and we have older children!)

What is the reason you are meeting them?

He definitely wants some childcare help