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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

AIBU to not like staying at new boyfriends because he smokes indoors/in his bedroom?

64 replies

Smokey87 · 10/11/2022 22:31

Relatively new boyfriend of 4 months. He smokes in some of the rooms of his house and has his last smoke of the day lying in bed.
I don’t smoke at all. While I understand it’s his house, he wants me to stay over, I don’t really like to sleep in a bed that smells of smoke, he says he can’t smell it. I’ve said it smells of smoke and he said he would wash them the next day which I’m sure he did but then smoked again that night.
would I be unreasonable to ask him not to smoke in his room if he wants me to stay over? I guess the only option is not to stay if I don’t like it but I know he wants me there.

OP posts:

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 10/04/2023 15:00

3 weeks since he changed his bed??

Gross!!! Why would you even want to stay there?

MacarenaMacarena · 10/04/2023 15:22

How do you see the relationship going forward? Are you at an age where you are considering babies? Not an ideal environment to bring children up in...
And if he doesn't care enough about your aversion to everything connected with smoking to make changes to his behaviour, I'd be concerned how little he'll care about everything else you are bothered about.

EmpressaurusOfCats · 10/04/2023 15:24

This thread’s 5 months old so hopefully either the bloke’s sorted himself out or the OP’s ditched him by now.

MacarenaMacarena · 10/04/2023 15:29

It would be great to know how many of these situations in mumsnet turn out... If any of the advice really helped. Hope so!

SunscreenCentral · 10/04/2023 16:43

Dealbreaker. I can't even sit next to a smoker on public transport. Sharing a bed would be impossible. The smell is vile.

pilates · 10/04/2023 16:54

That is revolting

rwalker · 10/04/2023 16:58

easy enough if he smokes in his house and bedroom and you don’t like it don’t go to his

As a none smoker you can smell it a mile off there used to it
so they can make ever effort not to smoke and wash bedding but smoke clings to everything

can’t understand why people feel the need to bang on about how grim smoking is we all know that and how does that offer OP any help

rumpsteak · 10/04/2023 17:38

Smoking is an instant no for me.

Storywriter · 10/04/2023 17:53

How serious is the relationship? I would be very worried about the dangers of passive smoking, especially lung cancer. This would be a deal breaker for me. And I wouldn't take any nonsense about there being no smoke smell. I'd seriously give this one a wide berth. Sounds extremely selfish and possibly stupid too.

Badbadtromance · 10/04/2023 18:27

He doesn't care that you hate it and is unlikely to quit.
Move on

babasaclover · 10/04/2023 18:43

Serious question, as I struggle with smells but as you've only been going out a few months I assume you kiss / have sex in the morning? Does the smoky morning breath not out tou off?

greyhairnomore · 10/04/2023 18:43

I couldn't date a smoker , vile

WeHaveJoy · 10/04/2023 18:43

YABU to be with a smoker. Dump and find a man who doesn't have this gross habit.

Eggseggseverywhere · 10/04/2023 18:56

I once had a bf who unplugged absolutely everything but the fridge whenever he left his flat. He smoked in bed after sex.

And he was a fireman!
Never understood his behaviour tbh! But manky sheets? Grim op.

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