Correcting Partner

[RightsHoarder]

My partner uses completely the wrong words for many things. Not an issue really as I mostly know what he means.

However, lately he has started to get very annoyed if we get the wrong end of the stick.

If I get the wrong end of the stick and say it is because he used a different word, he gets really defensive and says everyone is always correcting him.

He is dyslexic. I don't know what to do with this new defensiveness.

He doesn't realise that words have meanings and they matter sometimes if context isn't clear. He doesn't always get words, but I hate walking on eggshells because I do.

Example - we are going away for the weekend and we were talking about the trip. This one is really silly and not a great example and I worked out what he was getting at but too late. He asked dd if she was grateful for being able to go. She has qualified in a competitive sport so she replied that she was grateful that she had the motivation to be able to qualify and was grateful for her physical abilities. He meant was she grateful for him working overtime to pay for the hotel. Because she didn't think he was talking about money, he thought she was ungrateful. I explained why she may have thought he meant grateful in a more general sense. He didn't use the wrong word but didn't realise the word had a broad meaning and isn't obviously specific.

I also think it's a bit weird to expect a 12 year old to think money first.

Not the most clear example but we have these odd conversations daily and I don't know how to approach it when it happens.

He sounds like a Dick.

He sounds like an absolute bellend.

He meant was she grateful for him working overtime to pay for the hotel.

Could he not have just let her enjoy the trip? Maybe told her she had done well and he was proud of her?

He meant was she grateful for him working overtime to pay for the hotel.

Who the fuck would even think of saying this to their child? His dyslexia is the least of his, or your, problems. He's an arsehole.

My ex used to do this, and still does on texts 🙄I think I have made something very clear and he goes off on a rant because he has misinterpreted it, or he messages something odd and then gets annoyed when I ask for clarification.
He is also dyslexic, and I can kind of understand from the written point of view, but it used to be the same with conversations.
He was also very controlling, and seemed to make up scenarios in his head that would send him into a rage or lead him to be arsey even though they weren't true.

Actually, writing that, it probably did work that way.
e.g
ExDH thinking 'I'm working really hard and I hope they appreciate me. I'm not sure I've had enough thanks. Have they even realised? They take me for granted. Poor me, work, work, work, no one cares etc'

To DD 'Are you grateful for the chance to go'

DD (not a mind reader) 'Oh yes, it's a brilliant opportunity, and only those at the top of my game, I've worked so hard for this

ExDH 'How dare you. no one cares about how hard I worked to pay for this'

Everyone else 😬🤔

Btw, I'm not excusing it. It was as irritating and unsettling as heck.

It's not just that he gets a word wrong, it's his temper that's the problem.

You must be walking on eggshells sometimes @RightsHoarder .

It sounds like he sets 'traps' where there's a 'right' answer the person he's talking to in the family is supposed to give, too, and if they don't use the turn of phrase he's decided is right, he throws a strop. Very stressful for those on the receiving end.

Yeah he sounds like a dick. And you sound like a lovely patient person. I hope he's grateful for you.

Tell him to try harder.

I just came back to this thread after accidentally falling asleep taking dd to bed and you've cheered me up no end everyone. I am struggling with his behaviours in a lot of areas at the moment so thank you all. Yes, he does seem to set traps and is acting like a bellend.

I am on eggshells and feel so much better reading your responses.

@Harrysnippleno3 his first thought was him I think. I hadn't realised how off it was to ask this as I am clearly used to his comments.

@Aquamarine1029 hadn't even realised it was that odd as his comments are often a bit weird

@HyggeandTea I also think a lot is in his head and I cannot win

@OldFan it is incredibly stressful. One day he asked me what fuel I had used in the strimmer. It had fuel in so I said the fuel that was in it. He said 'obviously. I didn't think you'd emptied it and put more in.' Just constantly confused with weird circular conversations I never quite grasp.

Surely that's you too, if I said to DH what fuel did you put in the strimmer, I'd expect him to answer the question I'd asked, not just say the strimmer has fuel in it

@RewildingAmbridge I didn't put the fuel in the strimmer, he did.

Oh that is odd. Why wouldn't he know what was in it then?!

@RewildingAmbridge this is my point exactly, he did, and I felt like he was setting me up. He made out like I didn't understand and eye rolled me. Confused all the time.

This is who is, dyslexia and manipulative twattery aren’t mutually exclusive.

Stop waiting for the non manipulative twat version of him to appear.

Life is too short to be with someone who makes you feel like you are 'on eggshells'. He sounds manipulative and difficult. I would throw him back in the pond and find someone easier and nicer!

Walking on eggshells and second guessing yourself.
Where is all this heading, and do you really want to go there?

He's always been quite touchy and easily upset but lately it's got to the point that there is no avoiding getting into these confusing conversations.

He seems determined to find a way in which I am being unreasonable.

He uses 'always, never' criticisms which I have managed to stop him saying to dd, although yesterday it was 'someone is always correcting me.' Statements like this are just plain false.

Rightshoarder

Abuse like described often creeps up on people unawares. These men also further damage perhaps already weakened boundaries.

How can you be helped here into getting rid of your abuser?.

Would you want your daughter as an adult to date someone like this, no you would not. And he is not good enough for you either. These types of men hate women and do not change, this is who he really is.

This is nothing to do with his language.
It's to do with him being a controlling abusive bully.