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Original poster

My husband said I have useless and worthless

58 replies

AllIneedislove1314 · 09/11/2022 19:28

Hi all, I am new here. Something happened today that really upsets me and I really want to find someone to talk to.

My husband and I had an argument today, started off from something related to work (we run our own business together). He is a very self-centred man, he thinks he is a very intelligent and I am out of his league. Probably because he was graduated from a prestige school and had a very good start in his career. On the other hand, I am just an average university graduate from an average family.

He said arguing with me was insulting his intelligence. In the heat of our argument, he told me I am useless, I am worthless, I have amde no contribution to anyone at all and if I die today, the only person who feel sorry would be my mum and my son. So basically he made me feel like I am almost worse than a piece of garbage.

I was so upset when he said that so I jumped off his car (we were at a traffic light).

I admit I am not as smart as him and I do not really have any special achievement. I don't even have a hobby that I love to pursue. But I sacrifice all my time to his business and our family, I am not allowed to do what I really like.

What kind of husband would say something so insulting and nasty to his wife?

OP posts:
Original poster
AllIneedislove1314 · 09/11/2022 19:29

I mean *am, not have 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
WhiteRabbitCandy · 09/11/2022 19:31

What a piece of shit. I don't often say this but you would be better off without.

Hugasauras · 09/11/2022 19:33

What kind of husband would say something so insulting and nasty to his wife?

An awful one, but I think you already know that.

UWhatNow · 09/11/2022 19:34

Why did you marry him in the first place?

ArcaneWireless · 09/11/2022 19:34

Useless and worthless? Most certainly.

But he is. Not you.

All that intelligence and he hasn’t figured out how to be a nice human being?

You matter. You fill a wonderful you spaced hole in this world. You have made a difference. We all do.

You matter. You are important. You matter.

Him? Not so much. 💐

PickAChew · 09/11/2022 19:35

'What kind of husband would say something so insulting and nasty to his wife?"

Hopefully, a STBX husband.

Bedazzled22 · 09/11/2022 19:36

I’d end marriage thats disgraceful

category12 · 09/11/2022 19:39

He sounds emotionally abusive. And if you're "not allowed to do what you really like", it sounds like he's controlling too.

I'd advise you to speak to local domestic abuse services and exit the relationship.

determinedtomakethiswork · 09/11/2022 19:40

Time for this marriage to end. He is a disgrace.

CheekyHobson · 09/11/2022 19:43

What kind of husband would say something so insulting and nasty to his wife?

A narcissist, pure and simple. Someone who actually feels
deeply insecure and worthless inside and covers it up with a mask of perfect infallibility.

When this is threatened by someone who questions his facade of being “the best” “the smartest” and “right” at all times (usually by asking questions he doesn’t know how to answer or presenting facts and opinions that he can’t make a convincing argument against) he reacts by devaluing and degrading that person severely in the hope they will back off and retreat to lick their wounds.

What he said is unforgivable. He wants you to believe that you can not survive without him, that you must accept that this is your due. He has probably arranged things to make it quite financially difficult for you to leave, or will threaten to. Do not believe him. Nobody deserves a partner who calls them worthless. You deserve to be respected and loved.

abbey44 · 09/11/2022 19:44

What a prize he is! This is the person who promised to love and cherish you, to be on your side through thick and thin and he comes out with cruel and hurtful crap like that. You’re not the one who’s worthless and useless - you have to believe that. You need to find your anger and value yourself, because he certainly doesn’t. My ex (note, ex…) used to say stuff like that to me, and before long you start to believe it - don’t sabotage your future any longer, he won’t get any kinder.

TheRealKatnissEverdeen · 09/11/2022 19:49

I read up to the third paragraph. Please leave him.

blondieminx · 09/11/2022 19:53

This doesn’t sound like a thing a loving husband would say to his wife.

At all.

Please speak to Women’s Aid

Original poster
AllIneedislove1314 · 09/11/2022 19:54

UWhatNow · 09/11/2022 19:34

Why did you marry him in the first place?

Too young too naive

OP posts:
determinedtomakethiswork · 09/11/2022 19:54

Can you tell us whether you hold identical roles within the business? Who does what?

Fancypotatoes · 09/11/2022 19:56

Not exactly same but when I was 19 my stepdad said same about me. It was yelled at me and my mum just sat and watched. I felt like shit. I hadn't done much to warrant that kind of comment. It was more a reflection of him.

My point is, it's not something that should be happening in any home.

Your husband should not be saying that. Hugs for you.

Original poster
AllIneedislove1314 · 09/11/2022 20:00

CheekyHobson · 09/11/2022 19:43

What kind of husband would say something so insulting and nasty to his wife?

A narcissist, pure and simple. Someone who actually feels
deeply insecure and worthless inside and covers it up with a mask of perfect infallibility.

When this is threatened by someone who questions his facade of being “the best” “the smartest” and “right” at all times (usually by asking questions he doesn’t know how to answer or presenting facts and opinions that he can’t make a convincing argument against) he reacts by devaluing and degrading that person severely in the hope they will back off and retreat to lick their wounds.

What he said is unforgivable. He wants you to believe that you can not survive without him, that you must accept that this is your due. He has probably arranged things to make it quite financially difficult for you to leave, or will threaten to. Do not believe him. Nobody deserves a partner who calls them worthless. You deserve to be respected and loved.

Quite an accurate description of him 😞

OP posts:
Kamia · 09/11/2022 20:01

That's really abusive he shouldn't be putting you down like that even in an argument and I sense he's controlling as you're not allowed to have your own time? Has he done this before? I think you should leave. You deserve a person who is supportive and will hold you on a pedestal not try and break you down. From my own experience you're better off on your own.

drkpl · 09/11/2022 20:03

That is seriously awful. I’d tell him to stick the relationship, his business and fancy school education up his nasty hairy arse.

MsDogLady · 09/11/2022 20:06

This bully pumps up his puny ego by making you feel small. It’s troubling that your son is being exposed to this poisonous dynamic and destructive relationship model.

@AllIneedislove1314, I would be making an exit plan.

KateADM · 09/11/2022 20:08

That is absolutely horrible. I hope you are busy packing his bags right now!!

determinedtomakethiswork · 09/11/2022 20:09

It's so funny that people like this think that they are superior when they have been given so much in order to get to the position they are in. They think they are superior to people who have worked a lot harder - it doesn't make any sense to me.

Surely, given his fantastic start in life, he should be ruling the world?

Melonapplepear · 09/11/2022 20:09

A nasty, abusive narcissistic prick.

CamomileCream · 09/11/2022 20:10

He is using his supposed intelligence to push you down, so he feels like the bigger more important person.

He's a shit to say that to you and I'm betting he's probably worse than that

Original poster
AllIneedislove1314 · 09/11/2022 20:12

determinedtomakethiswork · 09/11/2022 19:54

Can you tell us whether you hold identical roles within the business? Who does what?

He runs the front office I run the back office if that makes sense. He is the decision maker, I am responsible for all tedious work like admins, accounts, running our website etc.

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