My husband said I have useless and worthless

[AllIneedislove1314]

Hi all, I am new here. Something happened today that really upsets me and I really want to find someone to talk to.

My husband and I had an argument today, started off from something related to work (we run our own business together). He is a very self-centred man, he thinks he is a very intelligent and I am out of his league. Probably because he was graduated from a prestige school and had a very good start in his career. On the other hand, I am just an average university graduate from an average family.

He said arguing with me was insulting his intelligence. In the heat of our argument, he told me I am useless, I am worthless, I have amde no contribution to anyone at all and if I die today, the only person who feel sorry would be my mum and my son. So basically he made me feel like I am almost worse than a piece of garbage.

I was so upset when he said that so I jumped off his car (we were at a traffic light).

I admit I am not as smart as him and I do not really have any special achievement. I don't even have a hobby that I love to pursue. But I sacrifice all my time to his business and our family, I am not allowed to do what I really like.

What kind of husband would say something so insulting and nasty to his wife?

This is one of the worst things I have heard on here. I hope you leave him. He is horrible, absolutely full of himself and you deserve so much more.

Who cares what college ypu went to. He is an absolute joke.

What kind of husband would say something so insulting and nasty to his wife?

What kind of woman stays with a man that thinks he’s superior to his wife and regularly articulates this in a mean and spiteful way?

You can’t change who he is but you really should question why you are still in a relationship with such a man. Waiting around for an abusive twat to stop being an abusive twat isn’t a strategy with a high success rate. This is who he is and it doesn’t sound like he cares to change, which means the ball is in your court, not the person who prefers the status quo.

Good god that is such a horrific thing to say to anyone, let alone your wife... please get out of that marriage now you deserve better

Ladies, I thought about leaving him many many times. But I just don't know how.

He wouldn't let me do it for obvious reasons, that means I have to plan quietly.

But then what would happen next? Shall I cut all his ties and erase him from our lives? What would my son think about this? How can I explain to him because he loves his daddy so much?

Should I move to somewhere he couldn't find me? That would mean withdrawing my son from his school and him departing from his friends?

I also worry that would look my family and friends up and harass them.

And the business that we run together, certainly he won't just let me go or take the shares. Even if I hire a lawyer to deal with it, it would be a painful and costly process.

I don't know how can I walk out from this man.

This is why you need to talk with Women's Aid or other domestic abuse services - they will help you make your exit plan. www.womensaid.org.uk/

You need legal advice on the business and marital assets. The Right of Women may be able to help/signpost you. rightsofwomen.org.uk/

With contact with your child, it might be possible to allow contact through third parties etc. This can be sorted out in the long term with the help & advice of WA or solicitors.

If he poses a threat to you, then going into a women's refuge may be the best call to start with, and then you can sort the rest of it out from a place of safety.

You may also need to consider involving the police.

If he did harass your friends or family members, then that would be something for the authorities to deal with, not you or them. And it wouldn't be your fault or responsibiliity, it is entirely his. No-one is making him behave abusively, it's all him.

Focus on one thing at a time. You will need to support yourself and dc. Expect no compromise or cooperation from him. Assume you will start from zero.

Can you start retraining, say, accounting qualification, building on what you know already but making it look like it is for your business?

Or start a secret run away fund? Get a trusted person to hold sentimental items?
You sound in a horrible situation. Will you tolerate a while longer to get your ducks in a row?

He’s a really nasty piece of work but you have a strong hand here! You’re the glue that keeps his life, both personal and professional, running smoothly, at least initially he’ll be really in the mire. Do two things, quietly, start looking for another job and get some legal advice.
In best MN tradition get your ducks in a row. Find out what the job market is for someone with your skills and what you would be entitled to financially. Armed with this information decide how YOU want to proceed! Good luck.