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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Please can you help me work out what this text message means?

71 replies

Nursemammato3 · 09/11/2022 15:33

My relationship ended a couple of months ago. He was alot younger. Posted here in regards to our differences. He reached out and I have too since, only a message here and there. I struggled with the ending even though I knew it was for the best. His last message to me was 'I am not the man you fell in love with, I'm not the right fit for you but I'm there for you if you need me'. I decided to go no contact as it wasn't helping and told him I needed to stop messaging as it hurts. A couple of weeks later he messaged to say, 'I'm here for you, I don't like that you have nobody to talk to' (no close family). I told him i was struggling but thanked him and he repeated that he cares for me but he isn't the right fit for me and wouldn't be able to forgive himself if he couldn't give me what I needed. He's right and I have accepted that although it's difficult, it's for the best and I said I agreed and told him to take care. It was hard hearing from him but I thought at least its on good terms. I now need to completely accept it and move on. I deleted his number. I have cried but I know the loss isn't him.
Last night he messaged again and said......
'I know we haven't spoken in days but I have woken up after have a sexual dream about you and I have nowhere to turn. As its about you and you are on my mind, I thought I should say'
I messaged and said I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do with that message. He said 'nothing, it was on my mind at the time and needed to get it out of my head'.
Is that cruel? Why would he do that?

OP posts:
Cheminaufaules · 09/11/2022 15:34

I'd assume he was looking to have sex.

KneeQuestion · 09/11/2022 15:36

He’s trying to paint himself as a caring good guy and it would seem from the last message to keep his options open.

id block his number.

0o0o0 · 09/11/2022 15:40

Urghhh , probably just hoping you'd be up for a shag.
He's just trying to wind you in each time.

Block him permanently and never respond to him again.

ScarierThanBoo · 09/11/2022 15:41

Yeah, he's scouting for a booty call. He wants you to suggest a shag, eurgh. You should suggest a sock and tell him tae get fucked.

qqq82 · 09/11/2022 15:41

Oh just block him
What an attention seeking shitbag

Catnuzzle · 09/11/2022 15:41

He's looking to see if you'll bite. Block and move on.

IncompleteSenten · 09/11/2022 15:43

It means

I wonder if I can convince her to fuck me without wanting anything more from me.

Lampan · 09/11/2022 15:43

Urgh. It’s so obvious. He’s after a shag but nothing more. He’s repeatedly told you he can’t meet your relationship expectations so is hoping to move onto a sex-only situation, yet can’t be bothered with a proper relationship. If you accept his invitation, when it all goes wrong again he will tell you that he was honest all along. I agree block and move on. Maybe send a final message shutting things down properly first. I’d be tempted to send a breezy “oh well hopefully you will find someone else soon, best of luck” then block.

OldFan · 09/11/2022 15:44

Trying to see if he can use you for sex.

Block him.

theemmadilemma · 09/11/2022 15:44

He's a pig who is being clear he's not up for a serious relationship, prentending to be some caring, gentleman, and then keeping you on a line testing the waters for sex.

Lampan · 09/11/2022 15:44

Haha 5 other replies saying the same thing while I was typing my post 🤣

heathspeedwell · 09/11/2022 15:44

He's making it clear that although he doesn't think you are good enough for a relationship, he thinks you are good enough for a shag. This says way more about him than it does about you.

The brilliant part is that now you know what he's really like it will be easier for you to block him completely and have the clean break that you need. You will find someone much, much better once he's out of your head.

Nursemammato3 · 09/11/2022 15:45

I did bite! I replied saying...
Don't be a twat and delete my number then....
Now I feel cruel but I thought he was being disrespectful. I don't know who he thinks I am to lower myself to that. I just never thought he would be such an arse!

OP posts:
StrangerOnline · 09/11/2022 15:47

Well done on previously deleting his number – now it’s obviously time to block!

SleeplessinSouthwold · 09/11/2022 15:47

YOU feel cruel? Girl! He. is. scum.

Nursemammato3 · 09/11/2022 15:49

Yes, that's what I thought it meant. I can't actually believe it! I thought this guy had more respect for me than this. Its like a jab to the heart. What a horrible thing to do, especially after ending it as friends.

OP posts:
wackamole · 09/11/2022 15:54

You asked him not to contact you. He has ignored/disrepected your wishes several times and every time it's about him, not you. He feels bad that he thinks you have no one, he wants to be "there" for you, he had a dream about you, he has no one else to ask about it. It's all about him, but you need to take care of you.

I would simply ignore any further communications from him - as you have been responding, maybe say once, briefly, that you've asked for no contact and you'll be observing that from now on. There's no "one size fits all" but it's very common that some period of no contact, if it's possible, helps people get over the relationship more quickly. Even in a case where you know the relationship can't work and the breakup is for the best and wanted/initiated it, there's a natural tendency to mourn what could have been, what you once hoped for, good things that you miss. There's no reason in this case that you need to have contact with him right now, so don't.

mamabeeboo · 09/11/2022 15:56

Block.

QwithaC · 09/11/2022 15:57

He was looking for a shag

SweetChild0mine · 09/11/2022 15:57

Omg do not fall for this nonsense.

Id have replied "who is this?" And then blocked. Make him think there's a few idiots who try to get your attention and then move forward with your life

Nursemammato3 · 09/11/2022 16:05

I didn't have his number stored in my phone. So replied telling him to not be a twat and delete my number. He messaged saying what do you mean, I'm just telling you what was on my mind. I quickly deleted! I wish I blocked now! I just wanted it gone from my phone! I hope he doesn't message again. I feel sick!

OP posts:
OldFan · 09/11/2022 16:07

I wish I blocked now! I just wanted it gone from my phone! I hope he doesn't message again.

You can stop him being able to by blocking him now. No reason not to unless you like the attention/drama.

Paddingtonthebear · 09/11/2022 16:12

Who knows what he means, but ultimately he’s still not saying he wants to be with you so what’s the point of letting him back into your life and thoughts again. Time to block and move on.

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 09/11/2022 16:13

She can't block, she's deleted his messages and doesn't have his number in her phone.

If he messages again OP just ignore and then block

FootfallFootball · 09/11/2022 16:14

The posters here are absolutely correct and this should be your default assumption unless commitment is shown.
Which by definition, it hasn't been in this case